In limbo

I'm in limbo.

Yesterday, I went in for my weekly midwife appointment. She was concerned about my elevated blood pressure for the second week in a row (high for me, but not for everyone), and the continued high protein levels in my urine. Both are signs of preeclampsia. So, she sent off some bloodwork for the lab, and let me know that she thought it was about 75% likely that I did have preeclampsia. If I did, I'd I've to be transfered to a hospital and doctor, and would most likely have to be induced. Preeclampsia can lead to stroke or seizure for me, so it's a game to have the baby (the only way to end preeclampsia) before anything bad happens.

I was upset and pretty bummed, but thought I'd have a day or two before the test results came back. I went to lunch and shopping with a friend. I came home and started working on putting our labor bag together, since I'm horribly behind on getting that done.

Then, my midwife called. My labs were back, and the results were horrible. She said I was beyond the gray area...I was in the red flag area. I needed to go to the hospital today and be induced (natural methods first, then drugs if needed). No debates. I needed to call hubs home, and call my doula. She was calling the local hospitals to see what OBs were available and determine the best place to transfer me to.

The next hours were a blur. Hubs came home. We packed our bag. We picked a name for baby girl. We (ok, me) cried a lot. It was all so fast. This was not at all how we imagined. I have played through the scenario in my head of having to go to the hospital during labor, if things weren't going well. It was so weird to go before labor ever started. I wasn't mentally ready for labor. I had no idea what was really going to happen when we got there, but I still wanted to try to do things as naturally as possible.

We left, got dinner on the way, and made it to the hospital. Our doula happened to pull into the parking spot next to us at the same exact time. Perfect timing.

The hospital people took my blood pressure, monitored the baby, checked my urine, and took more blood tests. We hung out for about four hours. The labs were high, protein high, but in the end, they decided that my blood pressure was high for me, but not past their "high blood pressure" threshold. Apparently, they don't worry about blood pressure until it's over 140/90, regardless of what your blood pressure typically is. Personally, I think this is odd. Mine is normally about 110/65 or so... so this would be really, really high for me.

After all was said and done, they said I could go home. They wanted me to do a 12 hour urine test, and then go back to the midwife on Friday. My midwife was pretty surprised, but is fine treating me, if the hospital is ok with it, until the point that my blood pressure were to go over the magic line. My platelet levels from my blood test are still bad though, but apparently the doctors are more concerned about the blood pressure than the platelet levels.

So, we're in limbo. Be induced. Wait, don't be induced. Be induced, wait don't be induced. I really, REALLY want a spontaneous labor, but this limbo part is hard. It's weird that any day or time we could get a call to go in and have the baby...when my body isn't sending the same message.

We're in a game of time. I need to go into labor before the pre-eclampsia gets worse. Even then, I need my blood pressure to stay below 140/90... that's the magic number. Unfortunately, I'm on bedrest and can't walk around, which would help start labor.

As always, but more clearly today, it's all in God's hands. His timing is perfect... this I know.