New Day

New Blog

2009-07-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

I've got a new blog at Viewpoint : images. Please come check me out there.

- Kellie

Moving on

2008-07-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

While I've been posting at a new family blog (comment if you'd like the link... all my blog friends are welcome...just trying to keep creeps out), I've been debating what the purpose of this blog is and what I should write. And when I should write. Who knew being a mom was so time consuming?

I'm closing up shop on this blog, but have started a new one: http://everjoyful.wordpress.com/. Hope to see you there!

Joy

2008-06-13T20:33:00.001-07:00

Little Bean is just so cute, I just might burst with joy.

Super Woman

2008-06-04T13:45:00.000-07:00

Last night was my surprise date. It was wonderful! Hub's mom came to babysit and Little Bean had a great time - and even ate well from her bottle. Hubs and I went out for a yummy dinner and then we went and saw the Indiana Jones movie. It was pretty cute. It was a WONDERFUL evening!

After I was thoroughly refreshed last night, my super woman powers were put to the test today.We have plans to go on the boat with my parents this weekend, and we just realized that we forgot all about our dog, Jazzy. Oops! We used to take her on the boat, but with Sucia (insane puppy), and the baby, and yucky weather, I think it would be too much to bring a 70 pound pooch on the boat as well. We found a place we can take her (the Pet Smart Pet Hotel, which looks SO cute) IF I could take Jazzy to the vet to get a couple shots this morning. She needs to get them 48 hours before hotel check-in. Eek! Managing the baby in her carseat and Jazzy (who is stronger than me) at the vet...with all the other dogs coming in and out. Well, whew!

In thee end, Jazzy got her shots, reservations have been made for Jazzy at the pet hotel, Little Bean is sleeping, clean laundry is folded on the couch, a load of clean diapers is in the dryer, and the baby will be at the pediatrician for another vaccine this afternoon. I AM SUPER WOMAN.

Highs and Lows

2008-06-02T19:28:00.000-07:00

Each week at my mommy's group, we go around and share highs and lows for the week. I can never remember what mine were (I guess that's a good sign, in a way) so I decided to write them down this week. My group meets tomorrow morning, so I thought I'd share my list with you!

Lows:

1. I've been having some bad dreams where something bad happens to the baby, usually because I did something stupid or made a bad decision. I hate these dreams. I wake up and want to just run into her room and make sure she's ok. I don't do that because I don't want to wake her up, so I just sleep really poorly the rest of the night until I know she's ok.

2. Little Bean hasn't been taking a bottle as well anymore. That's just a big stinkin' pain and leads to much more evening crying than we're used to.

3. I got pretty overwhelmed this week. Baby had a few rough afternoons, a very long day on Thursday because Hubs had to work a wedding rehearsal at church, and then an extra day on Saturday while he worked at a wedding. I don't mind that he worked at the wedding (he's doing it for me!), and he has done one other and it wasn't bad. It was just a long, long week. We decided that we needed a code word that I could tell him when I need HELP of some sort.

Highs:

1. Hubs must have been sensing my desperation, because when I told him about it, he told me he had a surprise date night planned already for Tuesday night. Hurray! Isn't he great? Somehow, I always manage to ruin the surprises. I don't know what we're doing, just that a babysitter is coming tomorrow night and we're going out. It's been great having that to look forward to...it made Saturday much more bearable!

2. After we got back from church on Sunday, Little Bean was asleep in her car seat and we just set it in her crib. We figured we had about 15 minutes until she woke up (she doesn't usually sleep long in her car seat once it's not moving), so we were going to take a quick nap. She slept for 2 whole hours! It was fantastic! Her naps are usually only 45 minutes long, so this was great!

3. I mentioned this is my last post, but it's been so fun to see her smiling at things she thinks are pretty. It's so sweet! =)

Sunny Saturday

2008-05-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful sunny Saturday. It was the weekend of our neighborhood garage sale (although they really need to just hold it every other year - there weren't enough houses having a sale). Hubs had afternoon/evening plans, so we decided to go for a walk through the neighborhood. Jazzy was very happy to come along! We took the baby in her carrier, and she did great. We've been trying to put her in it more so she can get used to it, and also to put hats on her more so she will learn to like sun hats. She was happy the whole time, and took a long nap when we got back.

Completely unrelated... I'm very happy that I'm still able to take decent self-portraits, even while holding a baby. I tend to be our primary photographer, and most pictures that include me are self-portraits. Little Bean has started seeing things around her and reacting more to them. While I was taking pictures of us, she noticed the little orange light on our camera that lights up when taking a shot. She loved it and would look right at the camera and smile. Also, while getting ready to feed her, I put my nursing cover on, and for the first time, she noticed the flowered print on the cover. She just stared at it and smiled big. It's so sweet to watch her wake up to the pretty world around her. =)

Mommy Vacation

2008-05-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

My new mommy vacation: the oil change place. Yes, seriously. I don't know if it's a local chain or national, but our oil change place is called Oil Can Henry's, and I love going there. Today after Little Bean was fed and getting sleepy, we headed out. First we drove through Starbucks and got a ridiculously long request of a latte: a tall, nonfat, decaff, sugar-free caramel latte, in a grande cup with room at the top, which they made perfectly. Then, I drove across the street and drove up to Henry's. Did I have to lug the carseat out of the car, wake up the baby, and wait in the dirty waiting room? Absolutely not. It's a drive through oil change! I pulled in, they gave me a complimentary newspaper, and baby and I both got to relax in the car for a bit. It was wonderful!

15 minutes to sit in my car, drinking my latte, reading a newspaper, with the baby sleeping in the back... that's my new mommy vacation!

Dinner time

2008-05-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

This is a momentous week in my new mommy-life because it is the first week that I think I will be able to make dinner each night by myself. At this point, I just have dinner plans every night and I'm just hoping to be able to make it.... but I think I can do it.

It's a simple menu, and includes a lot of left-overs, but that's ok. Also, I'm only focusing on Monday-Friday right now. I generally try to have something in mind for Saturday, but sometimes it's left for impromptu plans with hubs and we always do something super simple on Sundays (like tuna melts or something). So, here's what we're having:

Monday: Chicken Pot Pie (which I had never made before - and was super easy and yummy)

Tuesday: Chicken Pot Pie left overs

Wednesday: Pasta bake

Thursday: Finish the chicken pot pie

Friday: BBQ Hamburgers (supposed to be 86 outside!)

Saturday: Either Pasta Bake left overs (or save it for next week), or grill something - since it's supposed to be in the 80's outside. Yahoo!

And THAT, my friends, is a huge milestone for me. I think I've definitely shocked hubs, and made his evenings far easier.

Mother's Day Baptism

2008-05-13T22:46:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I had the best Mother's Day present possible - Little Bean was baptized into God's covenant family. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness! We pray that she will always know that she is His, a beloved sheep in His pasture. We pray that she will know the abundant joy that only comes from knowing and serving her Lord.

Psalm 100

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
Serve the Lord with gladness!
Come into his presence with singing!

Know that the Lord, he is God!
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the Lord is good;
his steadfast love endures forever,
and his faithfulness to all generations.

She did great during the baptism. She got squirmy right before we were called up, and stayed pretty squirmy while our pastor talked about baptism. But, as soon as he took her, she calmed down and just listened. She loves his voice! She didn't cry at all when he poured water on her head. And best of all, she didn't spit up on him - that was my great fear. =)

For those who aren't used to baptizing infants, I thought I'd explain what it means. I think it is often misunderstood. Infant baptism isn't the same as a declaration of salvation, or the same as a baby dedication. While we do take vows to teach Caitlin our faith (like a dedication), the sacrament itself isn't about us - it's about our baby and God. Baptism is how we are identified as part of God's covenant family - just like circumcision was to the Jews. Circumcision didn't guarantee that a Jew would have faith in the coming Messiah, neither does baptism guarantee that someone will have true saving faith in Jesus. However, God does give covenant promises that are generational - to "you and your children." As such, we baptize our children, teach them our faith, and trust that God will reveal Himself to her personally as she grows. Of course, she still needs to confess her faith when she gets older, but we pray that she won't ever remember a day when she didn't know Jesus as her savior.

new blog

2008-05-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

I've been keeping a private family blog where I post family updates and photos. For the sake of privacy, I won't be posting too many family and baby pictures here. I'll still be posting here (hopefully more than I have been lately!), but I'll be posting more on the other one. If you and I have become blog friends and you'd like the link to the other blog, just leave me a comment to let me know and include your email address.

six weeks

2008-05-01T22:34:00.001-07:00

Little Bean is six weeks old. Oh my goodness. How does it go by so quickly?

I'm doing well, just trying to figure out how to do this new life and get things done...besides holding, rocking, bouncing, and playing with Little Bean. I'm really stuck trying to figure out how to make dinner. She isn't napping much at that time of day. Any ideas?

I've started walking. Today was day two of really trying to walk every day. I think that all the baby weight that is just going to come off fast has done that, and I'm going to have to work for the rest.

Happy May day to you!

Gratitude

2008-04-24T21:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you to the nice woman at the bead store who held my crying baby while I picked out my beads.

Thank you to my husband who has been making me dinner every night.

Thank you to my husband who gave me a gift certificate to get a massage tonight.

Thank you to the wonderful massage therapist, who made me feel like jelly.

Thank you to Little Bean who is currently sleeping and not crying.

Thank you to my mom who is coming to babysit this Saturday night so hubs and I can go on a date alone, with no risk of a baby crying.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Tired and hot

2008-04-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today is a beautiful, sunny Saturday. Little Bean and I decided that it would be a fun day to go on an adventure. I decided to pack up the stroller and go for a walk to Quiznos and Bartells. Unfortunately, I always under-estimate distance and elevation. Also, it turns out that I don't actually have any warm-weather clothing that fits me yet. Yet, I'm persistent...we would go anyway! It took me 45 minutes each way, and I was so, SO hot.

I've been crashed on the recliner the whole rest of the afternoon. Perhaps an hour and a half walk is a bit much for my first bit of exercise in a two months. I really can't count the 9-month pregnant waddling as exercise, can I?

Two weeks

2008-04-05T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've been a mom for two weeks now. Wow.

Generally, if you do anything for 14 days in a row, you would seem pretty comfortable and adept at doing it. Yet, after 14 days of caring for this little one, there are so many ways in which I'm still completely clueless. Two weeks seems short, and she's still so tiny, yet my labor seems so long ago. It seems like forever ago since I was on bedrest, or had a day of plans that didn't revolve around breastfeeding. So, in some ways, two weeks seems like a long time. On the other hand, it's also a very short time. It's amazing to me that I've fed baby girl over 120 times, and yet it still seems so foreign...a thing we're still both figuring out. I would think that after doing something 100 times you'd get pretty good at it.

She's growing so fast. She was so tiny when she was first born, my mom brought us some preemie sized sleepers and hats. The hats still fit, but her sleepers are too small. I love my little doll - I can't believe she's outgrowing clothes already.

First day

2008-04-03T14:29:00.001-07:00

Today is my first day home, without help. It's just me....and a baby. Thankfully, (and I can't say that enough), Little Bean has been really great today... sleeping for long periods and eating well. I did manage to get a shower and dry my hair. Actually, Little Bean started crying just as I got the shampoo in, but by the time I rinsed it and turned off the water, she had stopped...and slept for a couple more hours. I didn't manage to eat lunch until 2pm.

Somehow, we ended up house-sitting my parents puppy for a week or two while they are visiting my sister. It was fine while my mom was here too, but today is the first day of me home alone...with two dogs...and one of them is an insane little puppy. So, while Little Bean has been great today, I woke up twice last night for the puppy - once because she sounded like she was going to throw up, and once because she actually did throw up. When I finally managed to get Little Bean to sleep in her bassinet so I could eat lunch, I found dog doo in the dining room. My first day home with the baby is going well, but I'm not sure I'll survive the day with the puppy. And she will be here another week. I'm not sure I'll make it.

Unrelated baby news... Little Bean is gaining weight really well. She had a pediatrician appointment yesterday and weighed 6 pounds, 10 ounces (her birth weight was 6 pounds, 5.5 oz), and she's an inch taller than when she was born. She's growing so quickly!

Abundance

2008-03-27T19:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, there is so much going on in my life, and so many emotions all at once, that it is overwhelming. I avoid my blog since I don't hardly know where or how I would start to describe it all. I am in one of those times.

Baby girl, my snuggle bug who I love to call Little Bean, is absolutely amazing. I love her sweet little face. I absolutely love all the funny expressions she makes. She sure can communicate a lot with just her little face that is the size of a small grapefruit.

I know she needs to grow and get bigger. Health equals growth. I know that, and of course, I want her to be healthy and grow. Yet, my heart aches at the thought of it. I know that she is changing each hour and day and I'll never get these moments back. I try to take as many photos as I can, only to be frustrated at my cameras in ability to capture her sweetness. Instead, I resort to spending hours snuggling her close and trying my hardest to remember how she looks and feels. Yesterday, I fed her and she fell asleep in my arm afterwards. We snuggled and I tried my hardest to hold her close and not wake her. We sat like that until it was time to feed her again a couple hours later.

My most favorite thing about her right now is the complete satisfied, drunken look she will get on her face after she's eaten (or in the midst of eating, more like it). It cracks me up. Usually, it's during a feeding, and I need to rouse her to get her to eat some more. Oh... I hate to interrupt her drunken bliss, it is just so sweet.

There are not enough words for love, sweet, adorable in our language.

She's Here!!!

2008-03-22T20:01:00.001-07:00

Baby girl has arrived! I think she's the cutest thing ever, but I'm sure all moms think that.

She weighed 6 lbs, 5.5oz, and was 19.5 inches tall. She's tiny! She is swimming in her newborn clothes, so I'm glad I got a few newborn sized things (some people advised just to let her wear big 0-3 mo clothes...but I think they would just fall off). I need a few premie hats, since her little hats just fall off - they are way, way too big. She is a huge snuggle bug, and is most content snuggled up with someone.

What a blessing during Holy week. She is such a great miracle and gift from God. After all of the drama about my preeclampsia, I was blessed to be able to deliver naturally at our birth center. It all went very quickly... I started labor at about 10pm at home, had a handful of contractions that were 10 minutes apart, then they immediately went to 4 minutes apart. We got to the birth center at about 2am and they were 2 minutes apart. She was born at 6am on the dot. Ha - her punctuality did not come from her parents! I'll post the full birth story later. For now, we're just working on learning to eat. It's been more difficult than I anticipated. I'm so thankful hubs is here to help - he is having to help me feed her more than I thought he would. I'm doing fine, but Snuggle Bug would rather snuggle and sleep.

Praise God for his merciful love.

Passing the time

2008-03-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

I started a bedrest project that I'm excited about. Now, I should be spending more time writing my thank-you notes, but they will get done in time.

I've been talking for a while about making Snapfish photo albums, but it has yet to ever happen. Part of the problem is that the first step is loading all the photos into snapfish, which takes a really long time, since I'll be doing a year or two at a time.

It's the perfect bedrest project! I don't have to pull out lots of craft supplies, or make a big mess that needs to be cleaned up later. I can just do it all on my laptop from whatever chair or couch I'm in, and I can just do as much or as little at a time as I have energy for.

Maybe by the time baby girl arrives I'll have the last couple years in albums we can enjoy.

So far, I've only uploaded a ton of photos. After I do the rest, I'll let you know how it goes. Any of you ever made photo albums on Snapfish before?

Monday gratitude

2008-03-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

Today was ok, tonight was hard. Just long. I couldn't remember the day of the week to put in the title of the post, and when I realized it was Monday, I groaned inwardly. Only Monday. A whole week ahead. I guess I really do need this post.

I went to the midwife today. Everything is looking great- holding steady. That's the best they can hope for right now. That should be great...I should be thrilled. I just keep thinking about how I might be on bedrest for 2.5 more weeks. I'm so selfish - that's really selfish. I should be ecstatic that I'm not being induced today.

So, today, on this Monday, I am grateful for:

Sleeping in my bed tonight, rather than a hospital bed
That baby girl has more time to come out on her own
A friend of mine called today and will be coming over on Thursday
We lasagna tonight that another friend brought over yesterday
Hubs hugs me when I cry, which is about daily right now
The midwife thinks the baby is 6-7 pounds, which sounds a lot easier to push out than a 10 pound baby

That's all I've got. Happy Monday.

the nursery

2008-03-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

The nursery is as done as it's going to get before the baby arrives. I was hoping to sew the crib skirt and bumper in these weeks, but it will have to wait. I'm not a very experienced seamstress, so taking on such projects is not conducive to keeping my blood pressure down.

I am so thankful for the hours of work that hubs put in to painting the furniture, for my mom spending her entire Saturday afternoon yesterday sewing the curtain for me, and for my Grandma who made the beautiful Beatrix Potter quilted wall hanging. I know baby girl will love all these gifts!

This bassinet will be baby's first bed, in our room. It was a gift from a couple at our church. I think it is so adorable! What a gift!

Everything is washed, folded and waiting. all we need now is a baby!

being grateful

2008-03-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

Today is day 11 of bedrest. I never thought I'd still be on bedrest, sans baby to hold in my arms, this much later. I've told people that I will be shocked if I'm still pregnant on my due date (on Friday), but only God knows...this could be a long time still. I have two appointments this week, which means there are two opportunities for my blood pressure and labs to be too high and send me to the hospital.

I have a new appreciation for women on bedrest. Especially those on bedrest for weeks and months. This is really depressing, and I'm tired of it. It wasn't so bad until I hit the point that I was lonely and enough days had gone by that there was no new news. The few people that would call or email or stop by wanted to know how I was doing and what was going on. Sigh... I don't have any good answers. I'm bored, lonely, and nothing is going on. I sit all day and think about going into labor - trying to will my child to come out on her own. It hasn't worked. Then, I repeat the whole process.

Today is hard. Hubs just left for church, and I'm home. Next week is Easter and I'll miss it. I don't even think my family is doing anything, because I'm usually the one who encourages it and pulls it all together. Tonight is our church's small group meeting, but I'll be here on my recliner. My counter has a pile of dirty dishes, and that is where they will sit until hubs has a few minutes to put them away. Here I sit, in my green bathrobe, in my green recliner...feeling blue.

Yet, I have SO much to be grateful for. I know I do. I need to start thinking of those things more. And thus, I'm going to try to start posting things that happened the previous day or today that I'm grateful for.

Today, I'm choosing to be very grateful because:

Yesterday my mom came over for the day and sewed the curtain for the nursery for me.
Hubs and I finally found adhesive that made our alphabet/animal cards stay on the nursery wall, after 3 attempts. All 26 of the animals are still up. Hurray!
I have been given the opportunity to stay pregnant longer, giving my body a chance to dialate and prepare, so that when I do go into labor or get induced, I will have a better outcome.
After days of rain, it is a sunny morning with blue skies. I'm grateful for this, as well as my dog, who has multiple sunny spots on the carpet to choose from.
Simplicity patterns are going to be on sale for 99 cents at the end of the month, and Butterick patterns for 1.99 next weekend. Hurray! Hopefully there will be some cute baby patterns.
I don't have to try to care for a house full of kids while on bedrest. It's just me and the dog.

I am grateful.

Guardian Angels

2008-03-13T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm still here, on bedrest...still pregnant. I have a lot of conversations with baby girl, trying to convince her that it's time to come out. I don't mind being pregnant right now, like some people think. I just know that if she doesn't choose to come out now, they will likely take her out, which I really don't want. Come out!

Two interesting things have been happening with my condition...

My blood pressure is still high, and has been creeping up a bit. It's still not above the danger line, but it's high. However, the most recent bloodwork came back and my levels (of whatever it is they are measuring) have actually gone down. Hurray! That's a pretty mysterious, not normal thing.

Also, the midwives were consulting with the hospital I was sent to on another client, who also has pre-eclampsia symptoms. They already knew that at another hospital, I would have been induced immediately. But even at the same hospital I was at, they were talking to a different doctor who said he would have interpreted my labs the same way they did, and he would have induced me right away. Basically, it is a mysterious, not normal thing that I was sent home, especially sent back to the midwife's care.

I told my midwife that I have angels looking out for me. I'm so thankful that God has given me time to go into labor on my own. I don't know if that's how it will end up, and if not...then what this break was for, but I'm so thankful for it. If nothing else, it has been a great time to get more prepared for labor and this little one...both emotionally and in our home.

Please be praying that I will go into labor soon. I've been mentally preparing myself to be induced. I can do that. I know the contractions will be stronger and harder, but I can tough it out. People deal with immense pain all the time; I can deal with it. However, I've been told that if I'm admitted to the hospital for pre-eclampsia, they will give me magnesium sulphate as a first line of treatment. That is a treatment I really, really don't want. I've been told it feels horrible inside (like being cooked in a microwave), it affects the baby, and the baby is usually groggy after it is born, which can effect breastfeeding and bonding. Please pray for wisdom for me, and all our care givers.

That's all for now. Time to go lay down and hang out with my guardian angels. =)

bed rest

2008-03-07T10:41:00.001-08:00

I'm on bed rest. Not really though. I'm not supposed to be laying or sitting in a leaning back / reclining position. I'm supposed to be laying on my left side, sitting on my ball, or leaning on top of the ball. These are not really the most comfortable positions for watching TV or reading for hours on end. Oh well. Bed rest didn't sound so bad at first, until they clarified the rules for resting.

I've been watching TV while doing stuff on my computer. Daytime TV is slim pickings. From 10-12, Little House On The Prairie is on. So cute. Unfortunately, the one on first today was one where Mary and Adam's house (the school for the blind) burned down, with her newborn son inside. Just what a pregnant lady on bed rest needs.

Yesterday, hubs signed me up for a month-long subscription to Blockbuster, which works sort of like NetFlix, except you can also exchange movies in-store. I love that man! That was completely his idea. Even if the baby comes soon, I'll have it to enjoy during the first weeks of nursing. I'm very grateful.

My big thing to do today is to write up a birthing plan of some sorts. I really don't know where to begin. We don't really need one for the birth center, but my plan all along was to write one just in case of transfer to the hospital. Now, we're in limbo... I need one birth plan that assumes we start at the birth center but get transferred part way through, and there's a possibility of just starting at the hospital. Either way, it's more complicated now than just saying "I'm doing this naturally; don't mess with me." I'm not sure where to start w/ the birth plan. Is it even worth it? Part of me just wants to rely on hubs and the doula to help look out for what we want.

Time to switch positions to leaning over the ball. At least that one doesn't squish my hair. =)

In limbo

2008-03-06T11:14:00.000-08:00

I'm in limbo.

Yesterday, I went in for my weekly midwife appointment. She was concerned about my elevated blood pressure for the second week in a row (high for me, but not for everyone), and the continued high protein levels in my urine. Both are signs of preeclampsia. So, she sent off some bloodwork for the lab, and let me know that she thought it was about 75% likely that I did have preeclampsia. If I did, I'd I've to be transfered to a hospital and doctor, and would most likely have to be induced. Preeclampsia can lead to stroke or seizure for me, so it's a game to have the baby (the only way to end preeclampsia) before anything bad happens.

I was upset and pretty bummed, but thought I'd have a day or two before the test results came back. I went to lunch and shopping with a friend. I came home and started working on putting our labor bag together, since I'm horribly behind on getting that done.

Then, my midwife called. My labs were back, and the results were horrible. She said I was beyond the gray area...I was in the red flag area. I needed to go to the hospital today and be induced (natural methods first, then drugs if needed). No debates. I needed to call hubs home, and call my doula. She was calling the local hospitals to see what OBs were available and determine the best place to transfer me to.

The next hours were a blur. Hubs came home. We packed our bag. We picked a name for baby girl. We (ok, me) cried a lot. It was all so fast. This was not at all how we imagined. I have played through the scenario in my head of having to go to the hospital during labor, if things weren't going well. It was so weird to go before labor ever started. I wasn't mentally ready for labor. I had no idea what was really going to happen when we got there, but I still wanted to try to do things as naturally as possible.

We left, got dinner on the way, and made it to the hospital. Our doula happened to pull into the parking spot next to us at the same exact time. Perfect timing.

The hospital people took my blood pressure, monitored the baby, checked my urine, and took more blood tests. We hung out for about four hours. The labs were high, protein high, but in the end, they decided that my blood pressure was high for me, but not past their "high blood pressure" threshold. Apparently, they don't worry about blood pressure until it's over 140/90, regardless of what your blood pressure typically is. Personally, I think this is odd. Mine is normally about 110/65 or so... so this would be really, really high for me.

After all was said and done, they said I could go home. They wanted me to do a 12 hour urine test, and then go back to the midwife on Friday. My midwife was pretty surprised, but is fine treating me, if the hospital is ok with it, until the point that my blood pressure were to go over the magic line. My platelet levels from my blood test are still bad though, but apparently the doctors are more concerned about the blood pressure than the platelet levels.

So, we're in limbo. Be induced. Wait, don't be induced. Be induced, wait don't be induced. I really, REALLY want a spontaneous labor, but this limbo part is hard. It's weird that any day or time we could get a call to go in and have the baby...when my body isn't sending the same message.

We're in a game of time. I need to go into labor before the pre-eclampsia gets worse. Even then, I need my blood pressure to stay below 140/90... that's the magic number. Unfortunately, I'm on bedrest and can't walk around, which would help start labor.

As always, but more clearly today, it's all in God's hands. His timing is perfect... this I know.

WFMW - Surviving with a newborn

2008-03-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

I love backwards days on Works For Me Wednesday!

Baby girl isn't here yet, although she's due in just about two weeks. I've been nesting a lot... getting everything ready. Still, I know there is a lot of change coming, and much of it I don't know how to prepare for... if that's even possible.

I'd love some advice on life with a newborn. I'd like really specific advice, not things like "have people come help."

I'll be at a birthcenter, and home the same day she is born (after we've both eaten and are feeling good). Hubs will likely only be home for a couple days, and then my mom will be staying with me for probably 2-5 days (not totally sure how long). All in all, I might only have full-time help for about a week, although I do have a good set of stay-at-home friends who could stop by if I needed them to.

Are there things you either prepared for, or just did when the time came, that made this newborn time easier? Or just more manageable? What worked for you?

Thanks!!

Smile

2008-02-29T07:13:00.001-08:00

After 37 weeks of pregnancy, four months of gray days, 2 weeks of working many more hours than normal, and leaving a job after 7 years... spending $12.95 on a new mug just because it makes me smile is good therapy. And it does make me smile. Spring is just around the corner.

A bit lonely

2008-02-26T07:47:00.000-08:00

I get so busy doing that sometimes I don't realize how I'm feeling, until that feeling is an overwhelming burst of emotion that topples me.

Last night, as I stood bawling in front of the bathroom mirror, completely unable to form words to explain to my husband what was wrong...I realized something was wrong. It's hard to explain what is wrong when my mind is racing, trying to figure out what is wrong.

I did finally figure it out: I'm lonely.

Pregnancy is such a social time. People always want to talk to me, to touch me. I am having baby showers on many a Saturday, and people shower me with gifts. So, it's shocking to me that I feel lonely. It's not even that I don't want or need this social time. I am a social creature and I really do need social interaction to thrive...it's how I re-boot.

Yet, the more social this pregnancy gets, the lonelier I am. So why? (...I wondered, as I was bawling into the bathroom mirror...) I know why... people aren't talking to ME. Every single conversation includes comment that I look small for being so far along. (Which is stupid...I feel huge, so that really isn't very encouraging, and besides...I get measured every single week by my midwife and I'm not measuring small. It just isn't true, and I'm tired of hearing it.) Every single conversation includes a question of what we are naming the baby. Every. Single. Time. They ask how I'm feeling, and if I say anything other than fine or good they look shocked and dismayed. How dare a 37 week pregnant woman feel uncomfortable?! She should be basking in the miracle of her gestation and feel like an angel. Mind you, I really do try to look on the brighter side and count my blessings... but I still manage to do that AND respond honestly.

So alas, I spend my day with lots of people wanting to talk about nothing, or about things that really, really irritate me. It's a lonely place to be.

The worst is when I go places where I haven't seen people in a few days or a week. I hate going in to work (I don't have to go to the office every day), because I have this same conversation with every single person I see, every single time I go in. Oh, to just go to work and just work. I hate going to my weekly bible study. Again, every single gal (except for one sweet friend of mine...and I try to just find her and hide!) I see in the hall stops me to have this same conversation. I just want to be a hermit in my house for the next weeks just so I don't have to talk to anyone. I'm done working after this week, and I'm mostly excited to not have these hallway conversations anymore. I'm also thinking of quitting my bible study a couple weeks early.

I just want to wear a big sign (and put one on my front door, too) that says: "I'm due March 21st, it's a girl, I know I'm not carrying like it's a girl, I know you think my belly looks small, and I'm not telling you her name. I'm doing just fine."

Does this go away after the birth, or get worse?

Fat feet - help!

2008-02-20T10:55:00.000-08:00

I need advice from the moms out there.

I don't have preeclampsia, but I have started swelling. It started small, but has been getting more significant. I took a plane ride yesterday and when I got home last night, my ankles and feet were so swollen I thought my feet were going to pop off. Thankfully, they didn't.

I'm still swollen this morning. I wouldn't care so much, except that I can't get my shoes on. And it's February in Seattle. I have some cute summer slide-on sandals that I was going to wear, but they go too far up my foot and I can't get them on. Well, I probably could if I forced it, but I think I would stretch them out and ruin them.

So, here I am, wearing my plastic Old Navy flip flops in FEBRUARY in Seattle. Burr! They are the only things I can get on my feet. But... umm... I do need to go to work for one more week and have appointments to go to (which involve going outside).

What do you do? Just wear flip-flops in February? Go get bigger sandals? Bigger shoes? Help!

By the way, baby girl is due in 30 days. Oh my gosh!

False abundance and necessary frugality

2008-02-10T17:35:00.001-08:00

With baby's arrival looming, I've been sorting through the details of my "maternity leave" benefits at work and our future one-income budget. Yikes. Somewhere along the line, we became really comfortable with out two-incomes... more comfortable than we should have, since we knew all along that we'd be going down to one. I have such regret over this. I wish I could go back and change our thinking and some of our actions. Yet, regret is only useful to the extent that it changes our future actions. And so, I'm trying to be wise about our future decisions, and not spend too much time wallowing in our past mistakes.

I've always tried to live in a way that wasn't wasteful. Now, I enter a phase (probably a very long one) of necessary frugality.

I've been thinking a lot this week about how, in many cases, you must spend money in order to save money. The bulk option, while more money up front, is often less expensive in the long run. And yet, when you have a limited quantity of something on hand, it's easier to save it and make it last. Buying in bulk only works if you don't consume it wastefully, living with a sense of false abundance.

My husband's favorite snack is crackers and colby jack cheese. We usually buy him pre-sliced colby jack from the refrigerated section of the store - by the deli. A friend lovingly pointed out to me that his cheese is really expensive - something she would never buy. Costco sells a loaf of colby jack for less than the price of two of his deli packages. Ouch. I got him a loaf of the colby jack, and then we hunted for a cheese slicer that would let us adjust the thickness of the slices. Hubs went to work slicing the entire loaf of costco cheese into thin slices. It worked perfectly. We calculated that his slices cost $0.11 per slice, compared to the previous price of $0.37 per slice. However, this is only a good deal if he consumes it at the same rate as he did before. If he starts living on cheese and crackers, since they were cheap and we have a hundred slices in the freezer, then the good deal goes out the window. As a side note, I hate that we had to buy something (the cheese slicer) in order to do this, but it was the only way it would work for us. We'll just have to stick with it in order to make it worthwhile.

We also stocked up on our favorite cold cereal this week. We usually eat homemade Egg McMuffins or oatmeal. I love the protein in the egg breakfast, and the extreme frugality of the oatmeal. Cold cereal is usually saved for days when we eat breakfast separately or when we are in a huge hurry. Unfortunately, the kind we like is normally priced at $4-5 per box at the grocery store. On sale, we can find it for $3. This week, we noticed that the Rite Aid had it on sale for $2.50 per box. I've never seen it that low. When hubs knows about a deal, he's a great hunter! He looked online to see where all the local Rite Aid stores were, and during our errands out and about all week, we stopped at 3 or 4 different stores to see if they had our cereal in stock. I think we ended up buying 6-7 boxes. However, we had the same talk about the cereal. Eggs are still a lot healthier and cheaper, and the oatmeal is a LOT cheaper. We can't just start eating our cold cereal all the time, simply because it's abundant in the pantry. If we do, we will have wasted money rather than saved it.

We've been living for years now with a sense of false abundance. Shame on us. I can't help but notice that as we begin our necessary frugality, the temptation to live in false abundance will be there. Perhaps this is the great downfall of many frugal attempts.

Peekaboo

2008-01-29T23:06:00.001-08:00

Today was our second ultrasound to ensure that my placenta had moved to the proper position. Thankfully, it has. Praise God!

It was such a joy to see our baby girl again. She looked healthy and is growing really well. The doctor said she has lots of hair, which explains my current Tums addiction. He lowered her weight expectation to about 7.75 pounds, and confirmed that he still agrees with our general due date.

Every time the doctor tried to take a picture of her face, she had her hands up. I'm praying that she will put them down in time for the delivery.

It was so fun to see her nose and her lips. I love this picture and how her lips are squished up on her arm. She looks like she's sleeping happily.

I am doing well, although I miss the ability to roll over in bed. She is due in 51 days, although I would be just happy if she wanted to come a little early. Well, not too early, our to-do list is still quite a bit longer than I'd like.

Beautiful Brrrrr

2008-01-29T15:48:00.001-08:00

This weekend hubs and I went with our church's youth group to chaperone their annual snow camp retreat. The camp is just 3-4 hours away, but seems like a whole different world. They had so much snow! If you walked out in the field in front of the cabins, you would sink down to your waist in snow. We got there Friday night, and hubs went out to get something from our car mid-day Saturday. The car had about 6 new inches of snow on it.

The kids had so much fun. They had the option of cross country skiing, snow shoeing, intertubing, but of course, their favorite activities were playing football in the snow and playing games or reading by the fire in the lodge. I was the lodge chaperone. =) At 32 weeks pregnant, I didn't have much energy to do anything, let alone activities that involve falling. Besides, I don't have any maternity snow clothes. I mostly read, rested, and talked with kids in the lodge

The most wonderful thing about the weekend was seeing how gentlemanly our youth group guys are. There were several youth groups at the camp, and our guys were awesome. They carried the girls' bags, opened doors, brought us fire wood (wood burning stoves in the cabin), etc. On the last morning, they were selected to go first through the breakfast line, and then choose the table to go 2nd. They got up announced that they wanted one of our girls' tables to go 1st, and then all of the girl sin the room to go before all of the guys. Aren't they so sweet? I was so proud of these young men.

Opinions

2008-01-23T14:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting very much here lately, which I think is odd. My life is going through so much change, it's not as if I don't I don't have things to talk about! I'm definitely experiencing a NEW DAY every single day (ok, obviously, we all experience a new day every day, but I meant that in the more figurative sense, not literal).

And yet, this much change, and such public change, is a bit overwhelming. I find myself becoming a bit more introverted and private. People continually have questions for me, and I love that they want to know how things are going. Yet, I've found most of these conversations to be extremely frustrating. The typical scenario is that someone asks me a question (is the nursery ready? Are you ready? etc...), I share my answer honestly, and as they respond, I've found that 90% of the time, they have some judgment in their response back to me. Very few people ask me questions just to find out more about me, my life, and how I plan on doing things. I don't mind someone sharing how they did it and why (I welcome that!), but a surprising number of people are actually shocked by my answers and then will proceed to tell me why I'm wrong. And I can't win... I never know which side of shocked they will be on.

Some people think I'm planning too much, some think I'm not planning enough. Some people think I'm ridiculous for preparing for an early baby (because don't you know that all first babies are late?!), while some people think I shouldn't plan for a late baby (because, well, you really don't want to be late!). Some think I shouldn't get the nursery ready yet (because the baby usually doesn't sleep in the nursery for a while), but others think I'm being too flexible in knowing that the nursery doesn't HAVE to be ready...because I might decide that I want her in the nursery after the first night. It goes on and on and on. It's enough to make me scream (and I think I have)! Why can't people just love me, and ask questions to know me and support me, and leave it at that? It makes me sad. I'm a very social person and need that support from my friends. Yet, with all of these judgmental opinions, it makes me want to clam up and not share a bit. I barely want to go to social functions, and if I do go, I find myself keeping my chit chat really impersonal and unspecific.

I had coffee (decaff!) yesterday with an acquaintance from work who is also pregnant. It was so refreshing. We got to talk about all the things we are going through, and all the things we're busy doing, and she wasn't judgmental at all. There are some things we have different opinions on, but there is no judgment. It was soothing to my soul. Doesn't everyone just want to be known? Truly known?

I HAVE been busy, very busy getting ready. I'm trying to take a very balanced approach here. We've got a long, prioritized to-do list, and we'll just see how far down the list when baby girl makes her arrival. She is due in 58 days, but who knows... I could go into labor now, or 58 days plus 2 weeks. Only God knows. I know that whatever is done or not done when she comes is ok, and we'll just figure it out from there.

So, what have we been doing?? We've been busy painting her room (sage green), putting in another light in her room (yes, it's on a dimmer), installing a pull-down shade in her room, going to our birthing classes (so good!), hiring a doula, making a list of stuff to put in the "hospital" bag, making a list of people to notify, etc. Our biggest time thing lately has been working on our future one-income budget. I had a draft budget done a long time ago, but much has changed. It's much tighter than I had planned. It's going to be a faith-building change, that's for sure! In the meantime, we're both eating homemade lunches more, eating dinner at home more, and decided not to put beadboard in the nursery in order to save the $150 it would have cost. There will be plenty of things to spend money on, so I'm trying to cut back where I'm ambivalent.

Have an opinion? Feel free to comment... just leave out the judgment, please!

A Little Off Target

2008-01-14T11:32:00.000-08:00

Over the last few weeks, in the post-Christmas clean-up, I have run into a few return policies that I take issue with. A bad return policy eats at my core - I hate the feeling of a good and loyal customer not treated as such.

This one takes the cake. My problem is with Target, and I am even more devastated by their utter lack of customer service and loyalty to their loyal customers because I do LOVE (and I mean love) Target. But, their return policies are getting worse and worse... they are just off target in this respect. Even if they generally need a tight return policy, they really should have a more flexible one for their loyal customers who register for wedding or baby gifts at their store.

A friend of mine was pregnant last year and was really frustrated at their return policies even then. But still...people love baby shopping at Target, so I setup a registry there. However, their policies have regressed in the last 9 months. They've gotten even worse, which was barely possible. I've since taken down my registry. I'd like to beg people to NOT buy me gifts at Target.

First, I was surprised to learn that if someone gives you a gift with the gift receipt, you can only get store credit back, not cash. Granted, I spend plenty of money there so it isn't the end of the world, but it's the principle of the matter. If you have a receipt, and the item is clearly unused, you should get cash. I just think that's really annoying, although it wasn't enough to make me cancel my registry.

Returns without a receipt are the problem. If you don't have a receipt, you can make two returns per year (for the whole store, not per department), and each return can not be more than $20. Per year. It does not matter one bit to them if you have a registry, or if the item was on your registry. I received two of the same crib mirror, which was an item on my registry. I didn't get the gift receipt for either gift. It doesn't matter one bit to Target that the item was on my registry (and marked as fulfilled).

To make matters worse, the woman at the customer service counter was incredibly rude to me, which was absolutely undeserved. I wasn't being rude and hadn't raised my voice. I was confused, since this policy is different than when my friend was returning things 9 months ago, so I was trying to make sure I understood correctly... and she was just very, very rude to me. Hubs and I just left. I'll figure out if I want to keep my second crib mirror or return it (one of my two per year!) later.

A customer who brings in other customers should be treated like gold. This is a marketing golden ticket - when you can get customers or donors to get other customers or donors for you. It's the ideal scenario. If you have a registry somewhere, you are bringing them business, and we all know that shoppers will almost always buy more than they came in for. They are treating their "registry customers" entirely wrong. They need to make the process smooth and easy, and make these people feel appreciated for registering their. It's especially tricky because when someone is engaged or pregnant, they've got a lot on their plate already... we really don't need this hassle. Do they really want to mess with my hormones right now? That horrible customer service lady is just lucky that I didn't start crying right there on the spot. Running out of milk or bananas makes me cry right now, so that wouldn't be a long shot.

In the end, I actually couldn't figure out how to cancel a registry (they don't make it easy, which I wasn't too surprised about), but I took all the items out of it. I will not encourage any more friends or family to buy me any baby items there... in fact, I'd rather they didn't (especially if there is no gift receipt!).

In some ways, I think it sounds horrible...as if you are planning on returning the gifts people give you. It's not that (although the option is nice!) as much as it's so easy to get duplicate items! I've received two of the exact same bouncy seats, ear thermometers, crib mirrors, and a particularly cute sleeper. It's not that I don't want them, I just don't need two! But, I do want to be sure that my friends' money isn't wasted and that I can get an equally needed and desired item...just one I don't currently have. Also, I am likely going to have two or three more baby showers, so we'll see what duplicates are to come!

My advice: don't register at Target, and encourage other people not to register at Target. AND, if you love your friend, always include a receipt or gift receipt.

Fluidity

2008-01-11T09:27:00.000-08:00

This baby thing is surely getting closer (70 days!).

Wednesday night, I came home from helping at our church's youth group when hubs pointed out that that I had had some bodily...excess which was displaying itself on my shirt. I can only pray that my sweater was on at all the right times and I didn't scar any of the kids. I don't think I did, but the thought of it was horrifying. So, the first thing on my to-do list yesterday was to stop at target and get an absorbent solution for this problem.

10 weeks until the due date... let the bodily fluids reign. I think I've just crossed a milestone that is only going to get messier for the next many months.

And then I received some confirmation of this fact. Last night at our birthing class, after talking about active labor, transition, relaxation exercises, (snack break!), and watching some birthing videos, we ended the evening by discussing pushing and bodily fluids.

WFMW: Preparing for baby?

2008-01-09T09:28:00.000-08:00

For today's backwards edition of Works For Me Wednesday, I was hoping you could give me advice about preparing for mom-hood and bringing the baby home.

Baby girl is due in 72 days...right about at the 10 week mark. Holy cow! My to-do list has about 72 items on it! Ok...maybe not 72, but definitely more than 10. This is coming quickly!

What did you do to prepare, and what did you later wish you had done to prepare? Both for bringing baby home, but also for the change of becoming a stay-at-home mom? What did you do that was smart, or unnecessary, or what would you have done if you could do it all over again?

These can be anything from preparing a bag for the hospital (good advice on what to put in it?), special things you did w/ hub, buying a _______ that turned out to be so useful?

Thanks internet!

Mission: Sewing!

2007-12-28T14:22:00.000-08:00

My mission, should I choose to accept it (which, I have), is to turn this box of cozy fabric:

into a crib bumper, crib skirt, nursery window treatment, and maybe a small quilt... in the next 80 (or so) days. Time to get busy! I want to put a soft yellow pom pom trim on the bottom of the crib skirt (and maybe window valance), but need to find that first.

In case the colors are weird, the fabric is all dark brown, sage green, soft yellow, and lilac/purple.

Anyone want to come help?

Merry Christmas, baby!

2007-12-28T11:45:00.000-08:00

It's a few days late, but Merry Christmas from our house to yours (ironically, neither of these pictures were taken at our house).

I am in awe that we will have a 9 month-old next Christmas. Oh, how different life will be! The nearness of this great life change is feeling very daunting to me. Not because of all that needs to be done, or because of the fear of labor, but just knowing that life will be massively different, I know I don't even know the ways in which it will be different.

My knees are shaking and my throat is a bit dry as I stare right in the face of an inevitable mysterious change, without knowing what it really is or means. Baby girl is due in 84 days. That means the delivery "window" is 70-98 days. Gulp.

This, I think, is one of the problems with waiting so long to have babies. Hubs and I are very used to us. To our marriage the way it is. To choosing what we do and when. To our house and the way we live in it. Every Sunday night, we have our church small-group over, which includes 20 people - half of which are kids. The kids ages range from 1.5 yrs to 18, and all but two of them are boys. They are loud, and very active. Their parents apologize for the chaos, but I am thankful. I think we need some chaos training in our home. We bought a home to fit a family, and I really want a big family, but that doesn't mean I'm used to the chaos it brings! Every Sunday we invite people over for chaos training.

Today, I painted my nails red to feel a bit prettier. I feel like a whale, and while I know that I have the pregnancy "glow" and am the picture of maternal beauty (or so they tell me!), I don't feel very pretty. To me, whale = fat = not pretty. Red nail polish always helps. At the same time, I finally took off my horribly chipped toe-nail polish that has been on since September. There was barely any left on anyway. I figured I'd better take it off while I can still reach my toes (barely).

Happy sick day

2007-12-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

As much as I look forward to having our little one with us and being a mother, there are some things I know I will miss about our pre-kids life. Today is one of them.

Hubs and I are both sick. Both of us. We don't venture too far from the box of kleenex, tub of mentholatum, and chapstick. I hated to do it, but we had to skip church this morning, which was especially hard to do because I was supposed to be singing in the advent choir. Worse, we're practicing during the Sunday School hour, so I missed our choir practice as well. But, my lack of sleep last night, and the fact that I woke up feeling worse than yesterday, mandated that we stay home.

So, we're sick, both sick, but it has been lovely. We slept in, then both took long steamy showers to clear our heads. Steve went to the store for me to buy some chicken noodle soup and rent a movie. We're both snuggied on the couch, the dog is snuggied in her bed (which I brought downstairs for her), and we're spending our day watching movies...sleeping on and off.

It's quiet and calm.

I know these days are fleeting. Surely, sick days won't be like this at all when there are little ones to watch after. I don't think children are extra calm when the parents don't feel well.

I'm all stuffed up and can't breathe one bit, but today is one of my favorites. I love it, and will miss it when it's gone.

107 days

2007-12-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

I am due in 107 days. Given that babies can easily come two weeks "early" or "late," that means that I hit the delivery "month" in 93 days. Only 93. If you don't count the days between now and Christmas (really - who isn't busy enough with just Christmas??), then that leaves 73 days. Seventy-three days!

I had a dream last night that I had our little baby (which strangely, was a boy). I had just brought him home. For some reason, I was alone...don't know where hubs was (he is on a business trip right now, so that may have snuck into my dream). Baby boy was the size of a 7 month old. He could also talk. In my dreams, the baby always talks and tells me what I'm doing wrong. Nothing was ready... there were no sheets on the crib, I had no diapers...nothing. Worse, I had forgotten to feed him. We all forgot to do any immediate breastfeeding at the hospital, and it wasn't until we were home for awhile that I realized I hadn't yet fed him anything. Ever.

And people wonder why pregnant women don't sleep well!

93 days...that is really 73 days. Oh my.

And of course, at a time when I feel like I have SO MUCH to do at home, I am trying to get through a long to-do list at work, as I prepare to leave there in about 79 days, which is really 59 days. For some reason, my boss thinks that this should be my first priority. Doesn't he know?

For my sanity, allow me to tell you things I'd like to get done.

Paint the baby's room. It would help if I could finally decide on how. I'd been planning on doing white beadboard halfway up the wall, with the top half in a butter yellow. This morning I was thinking the room might be too small for that and maybe we should just stick with the yellow.
Paint the crib... either white or dark brown. Again, it would help if I would decide. We got our crib for free from a friend, but this paint decision is killing me. It may have been worth $400 to just get a crib that was a color I liked. ;-) Ok, not really... but it seems like it sometimes.
Decide what decorations or pictures to put on the walls of the room. I have no idea.
Order fabric online. Again, decide. I might just order too much of lots of fabric so I don't have to decide until after it gets here.
Sew the crib bumper and crib skirt, and maybe a matching blanket (of course...not for the infant to sleep under). Sew curtains.
Buy and install a black-out curtain.
Buy new closet doors. This may involve fabric too, not sure.
Add shelving, rods, and baskets to the baby's closet. It's actually a big space, but not very usable for a little one right now.
Sign up for and attend my breastfeeding class, and cloth diapering class.
Attend our birthing class (already signed up - can cross that off the list) our birthing class, which is each week in January.
Decide if we want a doula, and if so, interview some, and pick one.
Pick a name for the baby, or at least narrow it down.
That last one is really important, so I'm listing it twice. Pick a name for the baby, or at least narrow it down.
Make food to have in the freezer for after the baby is born.

Ok, that might be it... for baby-specific items anyway. Phew. That list makes me tired, and I'd go take a nap except for two things. First, I have that work to-do list to get through. Second, when I go to sleep, I'm greeted by huge newborn baby boys who talk.

I think I need to go now and get busy. Feel free to nominate any favorite girl names if you want to help me out!

So thankful

2007-11-25T16:33:00.000-08:00

One of my greatest irritants on Thanksgiving is this. I LOVE to go around the table and share what we are thankful for. I could do this for hours. I am so thankful for so much. I also love to hear what other people are thankful for. Sometimes it surprises me, sometimes not. Either way, I always come away feeling more thankful for the person who shared. Yet, it never fails that every Thanksgiving there are many people in my family who groan at this tradition. They hate it. They have a hard time coming up with something. Of course, we do it anyway, but I hate that they don't want to do it. How can we NOT be thankful?

I am so thankful. I have been amazingly blessed... in abundance. Oh, how I don't deserve any of it. It's all a huge gift.

I am so thankful that I am pregnant, when I didn't think we'd be able to get pregnant easily. I am so thankful that we're having a little girl, when I really didn't think I'd ever get to mother a girl. This blesses my soul so deeply. I am thankful that she is healthy and growing well - she is a miracle. I am thankful that my body knew how to do this!

I am so thankful for my wonderful husband. He loves me so deeply, so tenderly, and without reservation. He has been taking amazing care of me without complaint. I feel guilty that I am so tired, and he does so much. He just smiles and tells me I'm busy climbing a mountain. I love him. We are also thankful that he got a new job recently and loves it. I'm thankful for how diligently he provides for our family in so many different ways.

I am so thankful that I have parents and an extended family I love. They are a joy to me. I wish we were all closer and saw each other more. I know many people who don't wish that of their family. I am blessed.

I am so thankful for my church and the families in it. I love our worship together. I love the relationships we've made. I love going to church, and again, I know many people that don't. Very, very blessed.

I am so thankful for our warm, cozy home. I do try to guard my thanksgivings against materialism, but I truly am. I recognize this is a gift - I know many people do not have a warm, cozy home to call their own. In recent days, I've spent a bit of time reading by the fire, under a blanket, drinking warm tea, listening to Christmas music. Ahhhh. I absolutely love it. Best of all, we've been in this house for about 9-11 months, depending on how you look at it, and it's finally feeling cozier. We've been putting pictures up, painting some walls, and making it ours. It makes these moments all the more cozier. I love our house. We hosted thanksgiving this year in our big dining room, everyone sitting around a big table. I LOVED it.

And of course, I am so thankful for the gift I've been given of salvation - eternity with the King. I have done nothing to deserve this, nor will I ever. I'm completely undeserving. It is truly a gift. He is the giver of all good things, and I can't hardly imagine an eternity enjoying His majesty. I'm so grateful that God wants relationship with me. It doesn't make sense to me, but I know He does. What a great, great gift.

So thankful.

WFMW: Cheap "insurance"

2007-11-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

The other day I came home from doing some errands, and hubs had gotten home before me. This kitchen was a mess! Turns out that we had had a leak under our sink (ok, really we had a garbage can thing under there that turned the plumbing bolt thingy every time you pulled out the garbage can). There was a flood! Thankfully, it didn't spill out, mainly because there is linoleum in the cabinet that curls up in the front - it held all the water in.

Anyway - everything was a mess under there. Hubs pulled everything out to toss it our dry it out. Praise God - it turns out we had some cheap insurance that we didn't even know about.

We had a nearly full roll of paper towels under the sink (unwrapped). It acted as a huge wick and soaked up tons of water. Even though only part of the roll touches the linoleum, the full roll was absolutely soaking wet. Hubs was pretty sure that this saved us from the water spilling over the linoleum and into our kitchen.

That works for me! We decided that we should always keep a roll of paper towels under the kitchen sink, just in case. It's pretty cheap flood insurance!

Observations

2007-11-13T13:41:00.000-08:00

I hate to eavesdrop, but sometimes you can't help it. The people next to you are just too loud, or too intriguing - like the aftermath of a bad car accident on the freeway.

Observation #1:
Last Sunday, hubs and I were eating at a local fast food Mexican place after church - Qdoba. Ok, really - we do this every single Sunday. I love, love, love Qdoba. There are never enough tables there, and the tables that ARE there, are always super squished together. There was a family of four (two adolescent children) sitting next to us. We were so distracted by their conversation; our table ended up being a pretty quiet one. They were a sad train wreck. Their conversation represented all that is wrong with our culture and with marriage today. First, they spent a long time talking about their family schedule for the week. Well, the wife did (ok, she really dominated the conversation the entire time). She had her electronic device out, and proceeded to inform the husband of all of the things she had scheduled for each day of the week. It took a long time. Then the discussion turned to their schedule for that afternoon. She needed to get some things at the grocery store, but forgot the list at home. She wanted them to go up the hill to their house, go get the list, then go back out to do their errands, though she was NOT happy about it. The kicker here was her reasoning - she absolutely refused to use her day off with the kids (Vets day) to do "family errands." No way. The family errands had to get done on Sunday so that she could spend Monday however she wanted.

It was just sad. The husband was so quiet, so beaten down. What a wife! There was no joy at their table. The family wasn't enjoying being together at all - they just sat there and listened to mom rant and rave. Sad.

Observation #2:
Hubs went to the grocery store for me last night (he is my hero!!!) and called to ask about a particular item. He also had to share a sad observation. He was watching a family of 4 or 5 in the frozen food aisle. All of them - parents and kids - were all extremely overweight. They were carrying their food items with them, which included several kinds on (non-diet) soda, and some other junk food items that I can remember right now (chips or something). They were standing in the aisle arguing over which FOUR kinds of ice cream to get. It was yet another representative picture of many problems in our culture.

Obviously they don't, but I always wonder if these people realize how much of a stereotypical picture (of bad things!) they have created. If they realized it, would it make them sad? Would they be ashamed, make excuses, think it's funny? I wonder what sad stereotypical pictures other people see me in that I don't recognize. Oh, I pray for eyes to see them, whether they are in public or private.

The truth

2007-11-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

Is it a bad sign when the gal at Subway tells you that you look tired?

Baby news!

2007-11-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

And the verdict is in... thanks to the amazing technology we enjoy today, I get to share the news that in about 20 more weeks, I will be the proud mommy of a baby girl. A daughter.

There are so many boys in my husband's family, and so few girls. I've been preparing myself for years (and especially the last few months) that we will likely only have boys. I love boys, and would have been happy with this situation, but I did long for a girl too. I didn't have any brothers, so when I think of "childhood", I think of girls and girly things. Hubs and I both hoped and thought it might be a girl, but didn't hardly say it outloud, knowing how unlikely it was.

So, while I was there... laying on the reclined "big chair", with warm goop on my tummy, looking at the blobs on the screen, I couldn't believe it when the doctor mentioned that our DAUGHTER looked beautiful. He waited until about halfway through - purposefully keeping the suspense.
He was certain about that diagnosis right away, and then made us wait a while. Let me assure you, he had reason to think it was a girl...and it included anatomy words that I won't post on the blog. We definitely had a good money shot - and it's a girl.

My question back to him (really? it's a girl??) barely came out in a whisper. Tears flowed. Hubs held my hand. It was amazing. I could look at that video of her beating heart all day long. We got a DVD of it - I think I might go watch it again.

It's a girl. I will have a daughter - a daughter I never thought I'd have.

Hello

2007-10-30T14:43:00.001-07:00

I cannot believe I haven't posted anything since October 3rd, and here it is... October 30th. Wow. Such an appropriate effect of how I've been feeling. I have been busy. Busy experiencing, hearing, feeling, doing...without the time, energy, or clarity to comment and reflect on it all.

I am just a couple days shy of hitting the 20 week mark. That half-way milestone is a bit daunting to me. I know we have "a lot of time left" (a comment I hear frequently), yet I know that the next two months will become very busy with holiday busy-ness, and the last month or two I may lack the energy and agility to do too much. I do not feel like I have a lot of time left. By the way, I will just say...for the record, that moms who have been moms for years, while I appreciate their wisdom and advice, do not remember some things accurately. They do not remember how much there is to DO to prepare for the first child to be born. There are so many decisions to be made and research to be done. My friends that are newer moms get this...they completley understand. But my friends that have been moms for a long time just don't seem to get it.

I am feeling great... I'm not sick any longer and I have much more energy than I did at the beginning. However, I've recently started getting extremely tired at night - and night starts somewhere between 3:30 and 6:00pm. This has been difficult. Getting my work hours in, getting my ministry commitment done, and researching/ planning all the needed baby things...AND being ready for bed at 5pm - this has all been very difficult.

Through it all, my husband has been WONDERFUL. He is showing his love for me so tangibly; I have never loved him more.

Yesterday, I had to work during the day, but we took a couple hours in the early afternoon to go look at strollers with a friend of mine. This was absolutely exhausting and overwhelming. I was supposed to keep working when I got back, but couldn't. Hubs put me to bed, and woke me up later to send me off to my bible study. I tried my hardest to keep my eyes open while I was at bible study. I was so tired! I really wanted to come back home and go to bed, but there were a few important grocery items we were out of. I called on my way home to tell I was stopping at the store, and to see if there was anything he wanted.

My WONDERFUL husband told me to come home, get in bed, and he would go to the grocery store (at 10:00pm). He really, really does not like grocery shopping. At all. I told him I really didn't mind, but without any complaint in his voice, said he would really rather go and let me sleep.

Like I said, he has been WONDERFUL. I love him.

Our ultrasound is tomorrow. Just saying that makes my heart beat faster. I wonder if we will be able to tell the gender (and yes, if it's clear, we will be finding out), I wonder if anything will be wrong with the baby, I wonder what it will be like to see it on that little screen.

I wonder what this little one will think of the jogging stroller that we just found on craigslist... hubs is out picking it up for me as I type. =)

Need baby STUFF advice

2007-10-03T07:54:00.000-07:00

It's a backwards day at Shannon's Works For Me Wednesday, and of course, I've got one thing on my mind: BABIES. I've got one in me that's about 16 weeks old.

We are going to try to register early, hoping that we might get help with some big ticket stuff for Christmas, and so we've started the research. Oh my gosh. How on earth do you pick which car seat (infant or convertable? Which brand?), and stroller, and ALL the other things to buy?

More so, I really would rather err on the side of minimalist. I don't want baby stuff just because they sell baby stuff. If we "need" it, fine. But otherwise, my kid can cope.

So....all you mom's... my question(s) for you is what baby stuff did you love having? What things would you suggest I pass on? Were there any specific brands/types that you really thought were better than others? I need HELP!

Really need help. If I get overwhelmed and can't make a decision, I do nothing. That's not necessarily a good decision here. We've had a great debate about where the kiddo will sleep when it's first born. We'd like it in our room, but not in our bed (really - it's not an option, so you can leave out that suggestion). We had a serious discussion about the feasibility of just using a laundry basket. We're currently leaning towards the bassinet in a pack-n-play. Like I said HELP.

Thanks everyone!!

Happy Autumn

2007-09-24T14:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first official day of Autumn, and the weather is cooperating pretty well. As we went to church is was cloudy and overcast...and cold! Our church was way too cold, but that's a whole other problem. Our house was so cold when I got home; I turned on the heat, the fireplace, lit candles, and put on my sweats and wools socks. In a bit the sky cleared to sunny, crisp autumn day. Today was no different. It's cool but sunny - high of 62.

In order to usher in the new season, and in an effort to decorate SOMETHING in my house (the rest of the projects just feel overwhelmingly big), I put up a couple autumnal decorations. Beautiful. (My front door is red, not pink - if it looks weird on your computer).

Happy Autumn!

Just in time

2007-09-20T07:02:00.001-07:00

Just about the time that I start wondering if I'm really pregnant (not just fat), or if I am pregnant, that I might be permanently screwing up my unborn child...it's time for my next midwife appointment. Just in time for some well needed reassurance.

Three awesome things happened at my appointment yesterday. One of them is so awesome that I had to blog about it so I could remember it forever.

First, we heard the heart beat right away. This was just a wonderful blessing because at my last appointment it was a tad early to be hearing the heartbeat and it took about 10 minutes to find. Yesterday, we heard it the moment she put the doplar thingy on my stomach. Yay! And yes, I really truly am pregnant.

Second, my midwife made me feel justified in feeling so huge and needing maternity clothes. I feel like I shouldn't be so big yet...based on some things I've read and other peoples comments. I've had to get over it and just buy clothes that fit, but still - I hate feeling like I'm abnormal or somehow doing this wrong (which I know it totally stupid). Anyway, although I'm 14 weeks along, my uterus is growing fast at this stage (which can be totally normal and should even out soon.... or I'm having twins, but it's most likely that I'm just a fast grower) and it's actually the size of where the average woman is at 18 weeks. Based on that, she thought I was totally normal sized and it made complete sense that I needed new clothes. Justification is really nice.

The last truly awesome thing that happened: while she was feeling around on my tummy, she told me I had great muscle tone on my stomach. My jaw dropped. Let me tell you - that's not a compliment I've ever heard from anyone. Ever. As I regret weighing 10-15 pounds extra to begin with, and now feel like a big blob, that is just a compliment that almost made me cry. Seriously - I almost hugged her. I refrained.... but not from recording it for all time.

I think my appointments should be closer together just for the emotional benefits that come along. (Yes, I know that in a short time they will be really close together and I will probably regret saying that.)

what if?

2007-09-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

What if I'm not really pregnant?

What if I've just gotten fatter from eating every two hours, especially from all the ice cream and cookie dough I've been enjoying?

What if I'm now so fat that I'm wearing maternity clothes, when I should just be wearing fat-lady clothes?

By the way, WHY are the clothes at target put in this order: juniors, women's, plus size, maternity??? The maternity clothes are right next to the plus size clothes, and the racks aren't marked well. I already feel like a fat blob, the last thing I want is to be buying plus-size clothes. Maternity clothes might be just as big, and bigger, but it makes it completely better because they are maternity. I swear a man designed the store layout. Idiot.

Well, regardless of WHY I'm wearing maternity clothes, I am. And the angels rejoiced today when I found a fantastically-fitting pair of jean capris at Old Navy for $13.99. No joke - I heard the Hallelujah Chorus in the dressing room, especially since I found a well fitting black top to go with them. For the first time in weeks, I thought I actually looked kind of cute in an outfit. I wanted to hug with check-out girl, but I refrained.

Clothes are hard right now. I'm still in the weird stage where I just look and feel fat, not pregnant, but none of my clothes are fitting. I had one cute pair of black capris I could still wear (to work and to church, bonus) but this Sunday, as my tummy squished out of the top of them and made me feel deformed, I decided that I wouldn't be able to wear them anymore. Darn dryer. I'm mentally ready to just go get an autumn wardrobe of tummy-panels... filled with corduroy and other warm, cozy fabrics, but our current mid-80's temperatures are higher than they were all of August, and I'm going to be in Texas for four or five days soon, where it is even 10 degrees hotter. I've been trying to find a few things I can wear right now, without buying a whole summer wardrobe - in mid September.

Enough complaining. Praise Jesus for my new jean capris, even if I can't wear them to church.

a bit o energy?

2007-09-08T14:23:00.000-07:00

I've heard rumor that once in the second trimester, you feel a lot better and get miracle energy. Needless to say, I've spent much of my couch-time dreaming of miracle energy.

I don't think it's fully here yet, since I'm still requiring about 10 hours of sleep per night, but I'm hoping that I, at 12.5 weeks of pregnancy, have found the edge of this new stage. I think I might have. Until now, I bemoaned the the layer grime in my home and complete disorganization while laying on the couch, with no energy to really think about it for too long, let alone do anything about it.

Until Wednesday. I don't know whether it was energy found on the beach during vacation, or whether I'm teetering on the edge of miracle energy.

On Wednesday, I vacuumed. Shouldn't be a big deal, but let me tell you, I think the dog was even tired of laying on the dog-hair-covered carpet. Yesterday, I cleaned off my desk in my real office (like, with cleaner) and moved my work stuff from my couch workstation to my desk workstation. Oh and yesterday, I did laundry. It's still in the dryer, but hey - it's clean. Today, I'm tackling the biggie - the bathroom. I'm taking it slow, with blogging breaks in between steps because I'm probably not supposed to be using some of these cleaners. I'm using the milder ones instead of the strongest ones, and have fans on. Oh, and I'm saving the shower for the once-a-month cleaning lady we're going to be getting soon. I only have to be reminded of the shower grimy-ness once a day for the couple minutes that I'm coherent during my shower.

If nothing else, I can sleep better knowing that the house isn't quite so toxic.

i'm back

2007-09-05T15:40:00.001-07:00

While most probably haven't noticed, I've been on a blogging break. Really, a life break....enjoying a well needed vacation. Ahhh. Let me say it again: Ahhhhh.

What did I do on vacation?
Sit with sand between my toes, received lots of freckles on my face, laugh while trying to put on unflattering snorkel gear, laugh at the turtles swimming right at me, read two and a half chick-lit books, and the enjoy of lots and lots of sleep.

What did I NOT do on vacation?
Much to my husband's surprise, I did not once check my email or read any blogs. Actually, I didn't get on the internet once.

It ended too soon. I could use about three more weeks of beach time.

I'm back. Pictures to come.

trailhead

2007-08-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

I'm always intimidated by a difficult trailhead... when you are going for a hike, but just getting past the trailhead wipes you out.

I'm 10 and a half weeks pregnant. Just the trailhead; barely getting started. On this Monday, I'm still recovering from some horrible weekend nausea (morning sickness paired with a rough boat trip is NOT a pretty thing), I have a hand that is massively swollen and itchy from one or two wasp stings on my thumb, and I have come down with a head cold...and am not allowed to take any medication for it. Oh, and I had a complete bawling breakdown with hubs last night because of the cellulite that has made a home on my legs recently.

It's been a bit of a rough trailhead. I'm pretty wiped out. I dare not complain though, for I know I'm just getting started. What if this is the easy part?

And I think it is.

There is one good thing though.

When you go for a hike, and it's a killer from the get-go, it always has a fantastic view at the top.

joyful noise

2007-08-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

Today I heard a joyful noise: a fast little pitter-patter of a tiny, but very strong, heartbeat. Oh, what a joyful noise.

I finally picked my midwife and today was our first real appointment. There are two women who share this practice and I will alternate who I see with each appointment. They are both such a joy. They are so excited to know me, spend time with me, and thrilled to have the privilege of delivering our little one. That is such a change from other doctors offices where I feel like I'm an interruption in their day.

I'm not quite 10 weeks pregnant, so they cautioned me that we may not be able to hear the heartbeat yet ... but that we could try. It did take quite a while and they decided to take the extra time to keep trying for me. The baby is so tiny compared to how much fluid it is swimming in...it's pretty easy for it to just swim away from their little microphone. And finally, there it was, loud and clear - the constant flutter of a tiny heart.

I am here to share the news, but am without words to describe how I feel.

My heart beats for two.

Cleaning schedule

2007-08-14T11:02:00.001-07:00

It's time to clean the toilet (and the rest of the house for that matter).

This morning, my morning sickness queasiness officially turned into hard core morning sickness barfing.

Does anyone know where I can buy barf bags? I'm a bit nervous to go out in public.

Ugh.

Waiting to shop

2007-08-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

Baby status: 7 weeks
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom for some baby-room inspiration. In less than 13 weeks we will be able to find out the gender of this little one. Since I really want a gender neutral nursery and bedding, I have less than 13 weeks to determine how we want to paint and decorate the room, and what type of bedding I'd like to make or buy. I think that if I know the gender of the baby, it will be nearly impossible to pick truly neutral things.

I would also like to pick relatively quickly because I've got a few grandmas that will probably start making baby blankets before I decide who my midwife will be. Without any color preferences, I know I'll receive a mountain of bubblegum pink and mint green yarn and stitchery, and I know enough to know that those AREN'T the colors we'll be going for.

Thirteen weeks is not that long considering I've had zero ideas about what I'd like to do. So, mom and I went out yesterday to spy at some posh baby stores, hoping to get some ideas from their little room displays and overly priced bedding (baby blanket for $80??).

The day was going well and good ideas were everywhere.

We mostly played with the idea of a whimsical, old-fashioned beach theme. I love the beach, so surely any baby of mine will too. I commented that there are so many beach things going on sale soon, since it's the end of summer. Without a pause and in all seriousness, my mom commented that it's too bad that it's too early to buy anything. You know... just in case.

The conversation continued and I was just stunned and hurt. Of course I know the risks, and I know it's early in my pregnancy. I think about the risk of miscarriage every single day, and my way of dealing with that is to plan for the baby that is alive and making me nauseous. I know my mom is a little sensitive because she miscarried in her first pregnancy, pretty late in her first trimester. A traumatic memory for sure.

Here's the deal: My mom's (and friends and family's) job is to joyfully celebrate and plan for this life growing inside of me, and should I go through the pain of losing the baby, then their job is to just love me and help me grieve.

So will I stop dreaming of this little one...their eyes, their smile, and what their new bedroom will look like? Absolutely not.

Besides...most of my day is spent sleeping and eating crackers. Who really has time to do much shopping??

Expression

2007-07-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

So far, one of the greatest things about being pregnant is telling people.

I will forever remember the look on my mom's face when she FINALLY got it. I told her we would need some dog-sitting services next March, since that's when the baby is due. My dad figured it out right away, but my mom couldn't figure out what I was talking about. Then the light bulb went on and she was so excited.

Our pastor literally yelled - let our a huge whoop! The man who leads our church small group literally started crying.

Interestingly, when I told my team at work, everyone was happy for me, but it was pretty obvious that there was a difference in reaction between those that are parents and those that aren't. It's like the parents know a huge secret, a wonderful secret, and they are thrilled that I'm going to find it out. The non-parents are happy, but it's different.

Expectation

2007-07-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

I am expecting. A child. In about 34 weeks, I will have a new name: mom.

The roller coaster of physical and emotional changes has begun. My life as I knew it is already gone and it will never come back...and I have a feeling that it will continue to change forever.

With the exhaustion comes great, great joy. I can't imagine how much my joy will increase...or how much the exhaustion will increase too. Both are unimaginable!

Isaiah 63:7

I will recount the steadfast love of the Lord, the praises of the Lord,
according to all that the Lord has granted us,
and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion,
according to the abundance of his steadfast love.

Yes, I'm here. I really am.

2007-07-25T12:08:00.000-07:00

Hello!

I am here. I didn't go anywhere, just got busy not posting about it.

What have I been up to? Well... hmmm... I don't know. Let's see...we had my 16 year old cousin over for a week, I sewed myself a skirt (actually it was for my cousin, but I messed it up and it only fits me), I have suffered from allergies, hubs and I have coordinated a couple weddings at our church, I painted my bedroom, I've enjoyed the sun, got our air-conditioner fixed (because I'm one of the lucky few in Seattle that has an air-conditioner, a true blessing of our new house), enjoyed several BBQs with friends, complained about the rain, am enjoying the sun again, planned a vacation to Maui, have had dinners with both our parents, and visited with a lot of friends.

More to come. Sooner this time.
- kel

Water

2007-07-09T14:40:00.001-07:00

I've been in a bit of a hole. I don't know how else to describe it. I think I have a tendency to be depressed sometimes, although I don't usually think I'm really depressed... it seems to be far too linked to hormones or allergies. No denying it lately though, I've been in a hole and have had a hard time getting out.

I may have found my ladder again. Water.

The last couple of days, I have gone for a great walk at my new favorite park. The picture to the left is part of my amazing view for this 3 mile medicine. It's beautiful. I swear I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

The path curves along the south end of Lake Washington. Some parts of the trail offer the shade of trees. Other parts of the trail are actually a big dock (not for boats, just for walking) out on the water. The trail continues around the sandy swimming area.

Water has been a constant in my life. I love it and I need it. It flows steadily and continually, and keeps me moving steadily and continually. I spent much time on a sailboat as an infant, even before I remember it. There was one place my family lived for a few years that was not near the water, but even during that time, I spent much of my free time in a swimming pool. Ever since then, I've lived near the water. Except for a year and a half - when hubs and I lived about 30 minutes from the water. And this was an ISSUE. I used to tell him that we lived in Iowa and the air felt dusty to me. It smelled dusty. I swear it did, I wasn't just making that up. Too far from the water for sure. Thankfully, this park is only minutes from my home. Downhill. It's not even work for my car to get there... just float down the hill and exhale.

I find it interesting that water is such a friend to me. It's as dangerous as it is lovely. You can float in it, or you can sink in it. It gives and it takes. Actually, I nearly drowned when I was a toddler, but miraculously lived. That ocean gave me back to my parents and gave me life. We are friends.

I love that the oceans connect us all. I could go down my hill, get in a boat, and that water would take me anywhere in the world I would want to go. It could take me to the lovely beaches in Ocean City Maryland, southern California... or even India, Haiti, or Portugal...all beaches that I've enjoyed. The water I enjoyed today is the same water my parents are enjoying out on their boat right now.

I know that the water doesn't actually sustain me and bring me joy. I know my heavenly Father does. And all this beauty around me reminds me of His constant love. And you know what? I know He loves the water too. He spent the first days creating things out of the water, and in between the water, but left as much of it here. He didn't have to, and I'm glad he did.

Tomorrow I shall go on my three mile walk... through the trees, past the turtles that sit on the floating log, and along the floating walkways. And I shall thank God for getting me up and for blessing me with such beauty. For sustaining the sun, the breeze, the waves, and the trees. And for sustaining me.

Current, Anticipation

2007-06-29T13:19:00.001-07:00

Current
My front door is being painted red. I hope it turns out ok! We painted our house dark gray, but it really turned out way more blue than we were expecting. We like it; it's pretty, but a lot more blue than we were expecting. I'm hoping the red looks ok with it.

This process of having our house painted has been a bit tortuous for the dog. All those mexicans in white suits outside the windows, banging on the walls. Poor puppy! They have to have the front door open in order to paint it, so she is locked upstairs in a bedroom and she is NOT happy about it.

Anticipation
This afternoon I am going to pickup my 16 year old cousin. She will be staying with us for about a week, and I am so excited. I have a lot of cousins, but only one girl cousin on each side of the family. I love our time together talking...and just doing stuff together. Hopefully, we'll spend lots of time watching movies, painting, walking, shopping, etc. I also hope to study John together, so please pray that that study leads to some good discussions about faith.

Crazy days

2007-06-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

My weekend was crazy. I've been planning on posting about it, but honestly, it's taken me a couple of days to recover!

I coordinated another wedding this weekend. Hubs and I went to the church early to start setting up the facility and get ready for the rehearsal. Then the rehearsal. I had to cut the evening short because I started having some horrible abdominal pain. That happened to me last month too, and it's a bit of a mystery because I can't tie it to anything on my calendar. Saturday morning came bright and early. I packed up the car and my magic wedding purse and headed to the church, running a bit late. Thus began a long, long day of vows and traditions, followed by a dinner receptions. The dinner reception was originally supposed to just be for the small gathering of out of town family. It turned into dinner for 100. Yikes! Time to go home and make cupcakes for the baby shower at my house Sunday afternoon, and finish decorating.

On Sunday, we headed back to church for service. Afterwards, Hubs stayed at church for a congregational meeting. I headed out to get balloons, and buy some strawberries and grapes. I knew I was in for it when I stepped out of the party store, balloons floating overhead, and stepped into a downpour of rain. And I mean downpour. By the time I got in the car, I was soaked though. I stopped at the store and got my fruit. Just enough time to scarf something down for my lunch, and finish the food preparations.

When I got back home, balloons and fruit in my rain-dripping hand, I instantly saw a problem. My platter of cupcakes, which was up on the kitchen counter and scooted back quite a ways, was half empty. And a couple cupcakes were upside down on the counter - glued on by their cream cheese frosting. The beast struck again. Stupid dog. Stupid, stupid dog. Ugh. So, as quickly as I could, I headed back out in the rain to buy more dessert for the shower. And I desperately called hubs (about 10 times) to come home and baby sit the dog upstairs. I really didn't want my baby shower guests to get vomited on.

Then, and finally, just my friend (whom the shower was for) was helping me setup the final touches, I reached under the sink and found a huge puddle of water under there. We sopped up the water with towels and put a pot under the leak.

By the end of the weekend, my friends from church began a new life together, my friend with a new baby was showered with love and got to catch up with her friends, and hubs and I slept very well Sunday night.

New phase

2007-06-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

We are here. A new phase of life. Hubs and I have officially entered the phase of life called trying to get pregnant. There are lots of specifics about this, as you can imagine, that I won't discuss on the internet. But a new chapter means that I'm thinking of new things and things in new ways... so I decided to announce the phase. I will say that so far, this new phase is pretty darn fun. ;-)

Phases are interesting. We rarely know the length of a phase when it begins. I wonder how long this phase will last. And to what extent is the length of a phase an issue of perception? At some point it will be the pregnant and then mothering phases, but could also turn into the struggling with infertility phase. Only God knows the length of each phase, and this is all in His hands.

It's interesting to me how the marking of an official phase changes things. For example, I've been getting comments for a long, long time about when we are going to have kids. I've really been able to laugh these comments off ok, although sometimes the inappropriateness of it slightly irritates me. Generally, I can come up with a casual but slightly funny response. But now we are trying. With purpose. I wonder how long it will take before the same question conjures up a response that is hurt or sad. Same question, but a different response based on the perceived phase.

And now, it is announced. My name is Kel, and I'm in a new phase.

Finally... if any of you know me in real life, please know the fact that this is sort of confidential. My baby making habits are just not things I'm ready to talk about at work! =)

Feeling pretty

2007-06-19T11:47:00.001-07:00

I had nothing special planned for today. I need to finish my Bible study, do my paid work, do some laundry, make breakfast, make lunch, make dinner, and keep the kitchen and living room cleaned up. Tonight after dinner, I'm meeting a friend to review our Bible study together.

None of these tasks are exciting or noteworthy, but I decided to try something new today while doing them: to look pretty. I always do my hair and stuff, but tend to wear "comfy" clothes around the house...which really just means that I looks sloppy, and end up feeling sloppy too. I wondering if my tasks are done sloppy as well as a result. The day started on the same note, and then I decided to go change my clothes.

I'm sitting at the table, outlining Daniel 2:1-23, and doing some work email, while wearing a black t-shirt, a twirly knee-length black and white skirt, black sandals, and an orange bracelet. I feel pretty. Honestly, not much has changed besides changing yoga pants, or capris, or jeans for a skirt. But it's a twirly skit and is just cute.

I had to chuckle as I carried an arm-load of laundry downstairs, walking carefully in my kitten-heeled sandals. I feel like the picture of a 50's housewife! But is that a bad thing? Is it weird to do laundry while looking pretty? I have no idea if my tasks will be done any better or faster. I have no idea if I will sustain this. I like the idea of it. I like that if someone stops by for a delivery or something, that I will look nice. I like that my husband will think I look pretty when he comes home. I like that even if I look pretty for benefit of me and my dog (who does agree that I look very pretty today), and no one else - that it is enough.

I'm wondering if any other home-makers and stay-at-home moms have tried this in this decade? Do you ever "dress up" (if a skirt and cute sandals constitute dressing up) for your daily tasks? Is it manageable with kids? Do you think I'm ridiculous?

Trees falling from the sky

2007-06-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I wandered through a framing store and a craft store for general inspiration and a couple specific decorating-dilemma solutions. Up and down every aisle.

I meandered down the cake decorating aisle, trying to think if there was any reason I might need any of these interestingly shaped cake pans. Not yet, maybe later. Then there was a section of wrought-iron wall art. I love wall art. I stopped and contemplated. Where could I put this? Would hubs like it? Do I really like it, or am I just bored?

Some confusing noise forced me out of my decorating trance. I looked up. On top of the tall shelving unit was a bunch of artificial trees and plants, in storage for later. One tree in particular was rocking. I started to scream something about "a tree!" but was conflicted by the fact that you don't scream inside of craft stores, and because it made no sense. I'd sound like chicken little: a tree is falling, a tree is falling! And just as I was unsure about being unsure, the whole big tree fell right next to me. The tree was taller than aisle was wide, so it fell and then banged into things on both sides of the display. Cake pans crashed. Craft store mayhem! There was no one else to witness this crazy turn of events, just me and the artificial tree. A gal, with a helpful red craft-store vest on, came running around the aisle. Her face turned pale when she realized that she almost knocked a tree on a customers head. I was fine, just bewildered.

Hubs and I do want a couple artificial trees in our house. Well, I do...he might just be going along with the whole silly thing. I'm not sure how much men ever really want artificial trees. Speaking of that, is it bad to pine after an artificial tree? ;) My only wish is that in compensation for this traumatic ordeal, I would have be given that disorderly artificial tree to take home with me!

Chocoholic

2007-06-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

For the past month or so, I've been trying a new eating strategy. I haven't blogged about it, or even told most people about it, because I recognize that it's a bit silly. And it is. But it's working, so I welcome silly.

Unlike other sweets, chocolate has a power over me. If there is a tray of sweets, and some are chocolate, I NEED those chocolates. I can give or take other sweets, but if there is chocolate in front of me, I really don't have a choice. I must eat it. I can stop eating other sweets after I've had just a bit, but not with chocolate. My name is Kel, and I'm a chocoholic.

To remedy this, I decided that I'm only eating chocolate eight days a year: my birthday, hubs' birthday, our anniversary, valentine's day, two times on vacation, and two other random days of the year.

This has actually been working really well. I'm just not eating chocolate on the other days of the year. It's not an option. I don't need to consider whether or not I "need" that treat. It's not an option. If someone offers me chocolate, I don't feel bad about saying no... because "I'm not eating chocolate right now." Easy.

And somehow, I don't even miss it. Until today...holy cow. The other day hubs and I celebrated our eighth anniversary, which is one of my chocolate days. I had pre-purchased a bag of dark chocolate M&Ms that were calling my name at the store. Yum. That evening, we went out for dinner and had a flourless chocolate mud thing for dessert (we actually went out for a really cheap dinner, and fancy restaurant for dessert and coffee). It was GOOD. The last couple days have been hard though. I just want sugar and chocolate. Oooh, I want sugar and chocolate. I haven't given in, but it's been hard. Chocolate makes me want more chocolate...and just sugar in general. No wonder I created this silly rule for myself.

So, I'm glad that today is a non-chocolate day. I can't handle the chocolate voice in my head that comes afterwards.

Menu Plan Monday 6/11

2007-06-11T13:57:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile since I participated in Menu Plan Monday at Laura's but that's just because it's been awhile since I created a menu plan. I'm getting back to routines and budgeting, which means getting back to the kitchen. Monday is mid-menu for me, but I'll post my current plan.

Thursday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast
Lunch: hubs - free lunch at work; me - burrito
Dinner: Hamburgers and corn on the cob

Friday: Kel: Work at home
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast
Lunch: free lunch at work; me - burrito
Dinner: Chicken cordon bleu, salad

Saturday: kel - mom visit for the day
Breakfast: kel - Ham and egg muffins
Lunch: Kel - out, hubs - sandwich at home
Dinner: Baked chicken, foil pack vegetables, dinner rolls

Sunday: church in am, small group in evening; make cookies for small group
Breakfast: peanut butter & english muffin
Lunch: tuna melts and soup
Dinner: chicken quesedillas

Monday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - sandwich
Dinner: Pork ribs, vegetable packets, mini potatoes

Tuesday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: oatmeal
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - sandwich
Dinner: Salmon, rice, and salad

Wednesday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: Ham and egg muffins
Lunch: kel - burrito, hubs - sandwich
Dinner: Anniversary dinner - out

This WAS the plan, although several things have already been adjusted for life. Friday was emotionally draining and we ate dinner out. I didn't buy the pork ribs at the store (the sale starts on Wednesday, but the shipment doesn't come in until Thursday... figure that one out!), so we'll have the chicken cordon bleu tonight... or chicken breasts or something. I had the lucky treat of eating lunch with hubs today...which we never get to do mid-week. He was at the office just for the morning, and I hung out at a coffee shop while he was there. My favorite Subway sandwich is the daily special on Mondays, so it worked out quite well.

Happy cooking to you!

At the coffee house

2007-06-11T10:09:00.000-07:00

Hubs needed me to drive him to the office this morning. Driving back home, with traffic, would take me forever, so the plan was that I would work at the local coffee shop for a few hours. If you buy a latte, you get free drip refills. With their free wi-fi, it's a deal hard to beat.

I found a nice empty nook with leather armchairs and a fireplace on. Cozy. The perfect arrangement to enjoy my tall, nonfat, sugar free caramel latte. There is no other way to enjoy a grey Monday morning.

Awhile into my time, a man came and sat in an armchair near me. I don't mind sharing my perfect spot - no problem. Awhile later, two other people happened to come in that new him...they were surprised and happy to see each other. They sat down and conversation commenced. No problem. I'm all for coffee house friendships and coffee house conversation. It's beautiful. To a point. Like all beautiful things, too much of a good thing, is not a good thing.

These people are cracking me up. THEY are cracked up.

One of them recently had his unlocked car broken into; his leather coat, cell phone, and wallet were all stolen. They have spent the last hour philosophizing (is that a word?) this violation. It's a prime-time comedy sketch, and they are completely and totally serious. Added to the comedy is the fact that they are a bit white-trashy (except one of them isn't white) looking. I'm in a bit of an upscale area, and they don't fit in quite right. And yet they sit, trying to determine how they feel about this incident.

They believe in the law of attraction: This guy was too trusting, and was putting too much value in his processions. He needed to share them and was attracting this. The other person was attracting an open opportunity. They were meant to collide. He was a co-creator in this situation. If you think of it as a donation to someone who needed his things more, it feels better inside. Way better. Even better, if you think of it as sharing... that he was so well off that he was offering to share his things with someone else. Whoa... that feels even better. Maybe his things were discovered, not stolen. Just like America, right?

Garbage. Just garbage. I finally put on my MP3 player and am hoping that Paul Simon can drown them out.

What I would like to know is...

What on earth did I do to attract these loonies to me, in my lovely coffee house nook? And may I never do that again!

Hello

2007-06-06T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yet again. I'm here yet again giving a general update on my life, without any one topic worthy of a post of its own.

I'm meeting with a friend tomorrow night to plan a summer Bible study together. She was in my Bible study group this last year, and we became friends. We are both ones who need forced discipline, so we both liked the idea of continuing a scheduled study. True to form... our study of Romans ended over two weeks ago and I've been floundering. I have read my Bible but without much purpose or insight. Unfortunately, the summer will go by so quickly and we could have used those two weeks in the new study! I think we are going to study Daniel together (although we're still debating between that and Esther)...doing a homiletics exercise and then following up with a commentary. She's a new friend, so I'm really excited to get to know her more through this time.

Hubs and I are having our house painted soon. Quite an ordeal. We are not painting it ourselves, although the price tag is a big one to swallow. Parts of our home are three stories tall (on the sides where it goes down on the side of the crawl space), and it's just big. If we did it ourselves we would risk injury and death, and we would just be miserable for a couple of months. Honestly, it would take us all summer and we would hate it. Our happiness for the summer seemed like it should be worth a lot, and so, we are paying a lot. I exaggerate not when I tell you that our house is the color of a poopy diaper. With brown trim. On directions, I tell people that it's a mustard-colored house, but that's to be polite. It's the color of baby poo. It will soon be a dark charcoaly/blue-ish/ gray with white trim, black shutters, and a red door. I am very, very excited. Yay for a pretty house!

I just realized yesterday that I have five and a half weeks of vacation saved up and am now highly distracted thinking of the ways I might use them.

Happy Wednesday to you!

Clumsy me

2007-06-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

I'm a little scared of what life will be like when I'm pregnant (no, I'm not pregnant). Not because of the body changes or labor pain, though I'm a little fearful of those too. I'm scared of the clumsiness that comes with pregnancy. I'm clumsy enough as it is. I'm afraid that added clumsiness will pose a risk of killing myself and/or unborn child.

I'm not doing so well today. Last night I managed to drop a hot iron onto my foot. The pattern on the bottom of my iron is burned onto the top of my foot. Then, in an effort to sleep without moving my burned foot at all, I did something crazy to my neck... when I woke up, I couldn't move my head to the right. That's a great way to start a day of wedding coordinating. ;-)

Hubs bandaged up my foot today so that I could wear shoes to the wedding, and I managed to massage my neck enough that I gained back some mobility, though not all. I really tweaked it well. Nice.

Really... I don't think I need to be any clumsier than I am now. At all. I'm not sure I'll make it.

Wedding bells

2007-06-01T11:09:00.001-07:00

Random fact about me: I am a novice wedding coordinator.

I've done a few weddings for friends, and now I'm the wedding coordinator for my church. My church has a new building and we've never really had weddings before. Our old building was designed to be a chicken coop (no, not kidding), so people never really wanted to get married there. Now we have a beautiful new sanctuary, and four weddings booked for the summer.

My first wedding for our church is tomorrow, and the rehearsal is today. It is not my wedding - it's not even a church member's wedding, but I'm so anxious/excited/nervous. I'm having a hard time getting any work done today, or anything done for that matter, because I am just to excited.

Hubs helps me on wedding days. I know he doesn't have to, but he does and I'm so thankful. He can wrangle up the groomsmen, while I wrangle up the bridesmaids. We have a lot of fun doing it together. To thank him (or bribe him?) for doing this with me, we went ahead and bought two good walkie talkies with a ear piece thing. We have a secret desire to be spies. We've been practicing our wedding-spy lingo and etiquette.

There are two secrets to our wedding coordination success. The first is we are just an awesome team...and the walkie talkies will make us even cooler. Seriously - the first secret is just US. We are just good at this. Ha!

The second secret, is my magic wedding purse. I have this bag, which is super cute, that has every item that might be needed on wedding day. (Ok, there are a few other things I'll bring to the church that are just too big to fit in the bag.) It has rescued several brides.

It is packed with 39 different wedding-survival items, grouped by category into zip-lock bags.

Did you know that roses can bleed their color onto a wedding dress?
Did you know that can cause a bride to panic?
Did you know that shout-wipes can remove that stain?
Oh yes, they can.

WFMW: Count your salad!

2007-05-30T13:41:00.001-07:00

I just re-started tracking my food using the SparkPeople tool. Handy little tracking tool. Anyway, I've been trying to be more diligent in eating more salads. I love big salads...with a little bit of lettuce topped with tons of crunchy veggies. It takes up a huge bowl. Yum.

I put my salad ingredients into the food tracker, and was a little surprised to see that it is about 140 -170 calories (depending on what all I put in it). For 140 calories, I'm eating lettuce, tomatoes, bell peppers, broccoli, cucumber, a few black olives, 1 TB gorgonzola cheese crumbles, and 2 TB lite balsamic vinaigrette. More cheese, nuts, or olives puts it closer to 170.

I don't know about you, but an additional 150 calories to my diet is significant.

In the past, I would plan out my food, but not really count the calories in the salad... all those veggies don't add up to much. Of course, the fiber and nutrients provided by those 150 calories are definitely worth it - I'm not saying you should skip the salad. Just count it! I need to eat less of an entree (or better yet, less of whatever carb-filled side dish there is) and enjoy my 150 calorie salad masterpiece.

My tip this Wednesday? Eat your salad, but count it too!

Sunny day

2007-05-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

Lovely, sunny day. I wish it were this sunny and warm all year long.

The view of Cougar Mountain (which is not a mountain, just a hill), from my backyard:

BBQs and hiking

2007-05-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful that we had a three day weekend. The first two days of our weekend were so busy. Fun, but very busy. Hub's and I had worked diligently to keep Monday appointment-free...so we got to spend the whole day together doing whatever we wanted. It was wonderful!

On Saturday, my sister and her family came over. They gave us their picnic table, which I've wanted for a long time. I helped my dad and grandpa make it about 20 years ago. It was a huge octagon-shaped table. Since then, dad took out the middle section, so now it's round with six sides. Still great for a BBQ! I was dismayed when the table ended up at my sisters house, so I didn't wait two seconds to ask for it when I heard they were moving. We enjoyed dinner at our place, and spent the afternoon/evening keeping the 3 1/2 year old entertained and happy, and keeping the dog out of the face of the 6 month old. On Sunday evening, we hosted a BBQ at our house for our church small group...about 25 people (about 12 of those were kids). Lots of food, and a lot of fun. I was so thankful to have that big table!

We spent the first part of Monday sleeping in. Yay! Then, I rearranged furniture - one of my very favoritest things to do. Then, we went for a five mile hike on Cougar Mountain. For those of you who live in generally flat places of the world, this was the category of mountain that we prefer to call "hill".

Let's have a geography lesson. You see mountains look like this:

Mt. Rainier:

Mt. St. Helens:

Mt. Adams:

Mountains have snow on them. Mountains have a risk of erupting. Mountains have a tree line, which means trees don't grow to the top. Mountains make their own weather patterns. When you live near a mountain, you can refer to it as "the mountain" and people know what you are talking about. There are several BIG mountains relatively near me, but only the closest one (for me this is Mt. Rainier) is referred to as THE mountain. Mountains are big, and therefore, far apart. It takes time to get there. The other mountains are a bit of a drive, so they are referred to by name (Mt. Baker, Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Adams, etc.).

My backyard has a view of Cougar Mountain. I don't want to mislead you though - it's not really a mountain. It is the category of mountain that no one here calls a mountain - it's a hill. A beautiful view, but a hill. Actually, I was trying to Google it to show you what it looks like, and there are no pictures of it. Why? Because it's just a hill! :) Trees to the top. Maybe I'll post my own picture later so you can see. Turns out, I don't have one from a sunny day yet, so I need to take one. But, the sun is still coming up on that side of the house and it's too bright. I'll take one later today and post it.

Really, we just laugh when we go to some other place in the country and see what people call mountains. Seriously. Any incline is a hill. A big incline is a mountain. Directions for a quick errand shouldn't include "go over the mountain and...". Going over a mountain isn't quick. ;-)

Anyway, we went for a five mile hike on Cougar Mountain hill. It was great! I love where I live because I'm in the middle of suburbia, within a half hour of a couple different big cities, and there are several mountain trail heads 5-10 minutes from my house, AND, most importantly, there is a Starbucks and a Tully's (local coffee chain, better than Starbucks) within walking distance from my housing development.

Lesson of the weekend: You will get a huge blister when hiking for five miles with a toe ring on.

Have a great week!!!

Christmas in May

2007-05-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

I'm home. Finally. The flight from Lisbon is painfully long. Flying west, wherein I'm graced with an extra eight hours in my day, is the best cure for the days when I long for more hours in my day. I really do not want more hours in the day.

My only complaint with being home is that it is COLD. We're expecting a high today of 62, but it's currently raining and 48. Thankfully, it's supposed to be 75 by Friday, but then cool off again a bit. (How boring is my blog if I've gotten to the point of discussing the weather with people who don't even live here???) My problem is that I'm used to 80. Hot. Sun. Warm. Sandals. I really, really need some sunshine people.

The best part of coming home was that I received a belated Christmas from hubs. It was an IOU present - a "we'll shop for it together" present. Then, some financial analysis decided that perhaps my Christmas present should wait. I knew that I would receive my gift when hubs was ready and comfortable....even if it was a few years from now, and I was content to wait until the time was right.

I'm so happy that it's NOW!! Yay! And what is it, you ask? It's my very own, very pretty piano. I barely know how to play, which makes this gift even sweeter. It's a gift to honor my desire to make music. I am so thankful that his response wasn't "you can have a piano once you can play better" but that he is investing in my dreams instead.

And, if nothing else, it's just really pretty in our front room. :)

Lovely Life in Lisbon

2007-05-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

Two days of health meetings ended yesterday. Five days of nutrition meetings begin tomorrow. One deliciously lovely free day was enjoyed today.

Lovely Lisbon.

Very transparency

2007-05-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite movies is "Love Actually" - it's one of the ones I can watch again and again. I love the part where the Colin Firth (does the sentence really need to go any further than that??) who plays Jamie, falls in love with Aurellia... except that he speaks English and she speaks Portuguese. Once their paths separate, they both learn the other language... "just in cases." When he eventually proposes to her (in Portuguese), he explains to her that their love is very transparency. I love that moment. (BTW - this movie is NOT kid-appropriate.)

You'd think that I could speak at least a tiny bit of Portuguese from watching that movie so many times. But no... all I can remember is the broken English version of their words. I wish I had paid more attention.

In about eight hours, a nice man in a shuttle van will come pick me up to take me to the airport. This service is one of the only ways I can guarantee to be at the airport before boarding time. (That is because I don't start packing until 11pm, but anyway...) I will get on an airplane, and 24 hours later (time changes and one layover included), I will get off the plane in Lisbon, Portugal.

I'm blown away at how cool my job is. Seriously. I work for non-profit, so who would have ever thought that I'd get to go to meetings is LISBON!?!?!??! Not I. I never craved travel when I was younger. Yet, I've been so blessed by it, and stretched by it. God has opened my eyes to a much bigger world. I am so thankful. God is so good to me; His love is very transparency.

And, I'm SO thankful for my husband who spent his whole evening tonight, and stayed up WAY too late, putting together a list of things I should see in Lisbon - and their directions. This is especially generous because he doesn't get to go... he did it all for me. =) Thanks honey!

Pictures to come...

PS... the gal who played Aurelia lives in Lisbon. How cool would it be if I met her? Maybe she will teach me some Portuguese.

Map

2007-05-04T16:47:00.000-07:00

Fun little map...

For my family who teases me for traveling SOOOOOOO much, I really don't. I've only been to a measly 4% of the world's countries. I wish it gave a % of the states in the US because I think that one would be more impressive. This is filled out, as of next week's trip.

Suffering

2007-05-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

One of the things I've been thinking about in my post-trip processing, is the need to correctly understand the suffering for which we are compassionate towards. I think a vastly different culture and lifestyle can easily be confused for suffering; we confuse compassion for what should just be fascination. There are many things about other cultures which are not suffering - they are just different (cooking on the ground, washing clothes by hand in the river, etc.). We tend to believe the lie God's goal for us all is to be comfortable, and our goal for others is that they would have a lifestyle that is as comfortable as ours. Not that we should want people to NOT be comfortable, I just think we tend to use the goal of comfort as an idol, and perhaps much of our own comfort-seeking is sinful. I think it's interesting that many of these lifestyle differences that we see are so similar to how life would have been lived in Jesus' day - and it was just fine and acceptable. These are not things he takes issue with in the Bible.

To clarify my thinking about this, I wanted to define suffering. Is this defined in the Bible anywhere, or just described? I can't think of a specific definition. I was thinking that suffering is the lack of fullness of life that Jesus talks of. So, then I wanted to define "fullness of life" - again, this gets talked of often, but I don't think I've ever heard it defined. This is interesting to me because it needs to be something that only Jesus can truly fulfill, but something we can strive for. So, I was thinking that the fullness of life would be experienced when the effects of sin (broken relationships between people, between people and the earth, and between people and God) are removed and these relationships are restored.

This definition would work (by my thinking) in that only God can fully achieve this, but that we can try to restore these relationships to some extent - as much as we are able in our fallen world. It encompasses both physical and spiritual suffering, but also shows how physical suffering is a spiritual effect.

What do you think of these definitions? Do you think this is right thinking?

disappointed

2007-05-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

I'm disappointed.

There is a young couple who used to work at our church, but then moved away to attend seminary. They were leaving as we were joining, so we never got to know them, but I've heard they are neat people - ones that are a blessing to know. The husband is going to be interning at our church this summer, so they will be back for a few months. We offered to have them stay in our home for the summer. Really, our house itself would be perfect - we have so many extra rooms right now. They could have their own private bedroom, bathroom, and study. While I know this would be a blessing to them, *I* really wanted them to come stay with us. I was looking forward to the friendship that would develop after being house-mates for the summer.

I just found out that they won't be staying with us. Our pastor wanted to wait and see if anyone else offered their home, particularly one that is closer to the church. We live 20 minutes away. I don't think this is too far, but the pastor lives only 5 minutes away, so 20 minutes seems like forever. Unfortunately for me, someone offered.

I know that it is all in God's hands and this was meant to be, and will obviously be the best solution. But still, I'm disappointed.

goodbye and hello

2007-05-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

Goodbye sweet children.

Goodbye yummy mangoes.

Goodbye lovely sunshine.

It's time to go home.

I really am here, just quietly. I'm in the space of confused observation that comes after a trip to a different world. I really do miss my blog, and especially my blog friends, but have gotten into the habit of enjoying the blog world by observation as well. Today, I thought I'd post a simply post, just to get over the hurdle of posting.

I am here.

I got back from Haiti mid last week and it has been a whirlwind. I'm exhausted - not from jetlag (it was only a couple hours away), just from... everything. I've been going through some emotional/spiritual cartwheels, and that takes a lot out of me. Also just physically - I was going non-stop while in Haiti, had one day of down time when I came home, and then back to the office for a thousand meetings for two days. More to come on another day about the emotional/spiritual cartwheels.

And I'll be leaving again soon. While in Haiti, I found out that I need/get to go to some meetings for work in Lisbon, Portugal. Yay! I'm SOOOO excited. I've never been to that part of the world before at all. The only hard part is that I leave in 8 days, which is a bit too soon for my preference. I'm honestly not all the way unpacked and cleaned up from Haiti. I have a ton of personal life things that need to get done....housework (it's in disaster mode), paid work, wedding work for church, bible study work, etc. Plus, I'd really like to catch up with a few friends. I have one friend who just had a baby, and I haven't seen him yet, and another friend who was due yesterday, and although I saw her yesterday, I HAVE to have time to see her and then baby when this child decides it's time to make an appearance.

So, I'm here.

Crazy moment of the day (yesterday): I've been enjoying club soda with lime lately. I really enjoy this while traveling and decided I should drink it at home too, but be warned - I've been told it's disgusting. I got a 2 liter bottle of club soda. Came home. Opened it up. Without even a bit of "hissing" warning, it promptly became a giant spewing fountain of club soda with a 5 foot radius in my kitchen, which included me.

here i am

2007-04-15T20:22:00.000-07:00

It takes me a long time to digest my thoughts.

I'm in Haiti. Almost done with the first week and about to begin the second. I don't have any concise thoughts to share yet.

We had a few days visiting projects. So strange to be in such a poor, foreign land with a two hour time difference. So close to home.

When I travel for work, I often feel out of place in my job... so unqualified to really be of any use, peering too closely into people's private lives, seeing their suffering without any effect worthy of the violation. I know good will come out of it eventually...in a round about way, but during the privacy invasion, the round about way just seems too distant. But, the other day, I think I had a small part in saving a little boy's life. He was starving, and now he has a referral to a hospital, which is usually too full, and he will be cared for. He will get food and medicine and be watched carefully. Maybe that would have happened anyway, and maybe he would have gotten food at the distribution next week. But maybe not. At that moment, I was so thankful that I bothered to invade his privacy and enter into his world.

My favorite place is the island of La Gonave, which is the little island off of Haiti's main island. It's a small island, but when you are driving on their "roads" at 5 mph, it is a HUGE island. It is beautiful, but so, so poor. Wonderful people. Part of my heart will stay here for sure. Haiti is beautiful... yet no tourism. It's crazy. Amidst our time visiting hungry children, food distributions, and agriculture projects, we did get to enjoy the beach... I'm in the Caribbean after all. I got to swimming (fully dressed). It was awesome. Seriously awesome. Make a note to yourself - if there is ever a hotel on La Gonanve, you should go.

I'm at a rather vacationy hotel until Tuesday (thank the Lord for working by the pool with rum punch in hand), and then back to the world of dirt and sweat (and no Internet access) until the following Tuesday.

More to come later!

Awarded

2007-04-08T23:57:00.000-07:00

The other day, Nise - a recent blogger friend, awarded me my very first blog award:

I'm a thinking blogger...or so the rumor says. Quite a compliment really. Sometimes I think I'm just a doubting, un-trusting, questioning Christian who write about it on a blog...but "Thinking" sounds so much nicer. Thanks Nise!

Ok, by the rules of this award, I'm supposed to award others...and I will. But not today. Sorry! I hope that doesn't rule me out for the "good blog etiquette" award, and surely it will.

I'm flying to Haiti tomorrow, and as I type, the shuttle is picking me up in 6.5 hours. Ugh. I really need to go to sleep!

When you hear from me next, I shall be very, very hot. And perhaps under a mosquito net.

Good promise

2007-04-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling some emotional/spiritual turmoil lately. I can't figure out what direction God wants my life to go in - what choices He wants me to make. I do trust that His way is good, but I don't feel like I can hear what way that is. Honestly, I'm frustrated. I don't feel like this is something that will work itself out over time - I feel like there are some finite decisions that need to be made.

I had been reminding myself that if I draw near to God, and listen for His voice, He will guide me. But as we are in holy week, I've been reading so many passages of times that Jesus spoke to the disciples and they didn't hear him; He walked with them and they didn't see Him. What if He is directing me and I can't hear Him?

But, alas, our God has a funny sense of humor.

I was reminded today by my boss of our scripture verse for the year (my Christian workplace has a verse every year). It's a promise for me at this time:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

I've actually had this verse on a card in the back of my Bible since October and just never look at it. It's painfully applicable today. What a promise. What a promise that God knew I would need in April.

I may not hear His voice today, but I know He will (eventually) instruct, teach, and counsel me. Best of all, His eye is upon me.

A sign of aging

2007-04-05T00:22:00.000-07:00

I've fully entered a phase in my life - a phase that doesn't end (I think) until I die. It is the phase of realizing the symptoms of getting older.

Tonight I went to bed, and could not sleep. I prayed. I just lay there. And some more. And yet, some more. I finally decided to get up and play on the computer - may as well.

And today I unhappily ask myself...since WHEN am I not able to sleep after drinking a latte at 6:00pm? Since WHEN do I need to get de-caff after some unknown time in the afternoon? WHEN did this happen to me??

So today I join all the old people for whom PM equates with de-caff. Tomorrow (or rather, today, since it's after midnight), I will also look more aged too, since I am most assuredly not getting the amount of beauty sleep this old lady needs!

Sleeping Pill of Suburbia

2007-04-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a Jacob. I wrestle with God continually, and while I sometimes pray that He would just break my hip and be done with it, I am thankful that He is patient with this child. It is a joy to know that He loves me personally enough to bother with me. I'm sure I exasperate my Father regularly.

Often, this blog is used for the outworking of that wrestling. If you a reader, thanks for your patience. I'm sure you sometimes get exasperated with me too! Please just know that my thoughts are barely half-baked when I post them here. The writing exercise itself is therapeutic.

Frequently, my pastor admonishes the congregation to fight to wake-up because we are completely and totally surrounded by the sleeping pill that is suburbia. We might live here, but we need to fight at not being sucked in. It's so easy to be comfortable, and then just desire comfort. To be safe, and then desire safety. To be surrounded by beauty, and then require it. Don't take the sleeping pill that is suburbia. You can live there, but we need to wake up. Be in the world, but not of it.

I've gone through such range of emotions during the last year regarding children. You can read back to past posts about how I've been a crazed, alien-woman with babies on the brain. Over the last several years, "baby brain" has been my typical state of existence. So, when I tell you that I have been wondering the last couple of days if hubs and I are meant to have children, you can be as shocked as I was. Today I realized that I definitely do want a family, but that I'm so totally scared to take that step. Who am I? Who took over my brain? This certainly can't be the same woman as before. Seriously - where did Hormona go? Oh, doesn't God have a funny sense of humor?

The way that hubs and I stay awake and fight the suburban sleeping pill, is through my work...focused on serving the poor around the world. I know God placed me where I'm at at work, and I'm honored to be doing what I do. But, I know that when we have kids I will be a full-time mom, and that part of my life will go away. I'm so afraid that the moment we have kids we will simultaneously be taking the suburban sleeping pill and I will wake up 20 or 30 years later with polite, Godly children (Lord-willing), but personally feel distant from God, and not serving at all. I've seen it happen. It's too easy to get sucked into all the decisions (nursery decoration, feeding schedules, discipline methods, school choices, etc.), convince that your full ministry is your children (not that it isn't a ministry because it is)...that your purpose IS your children, and you become self-focused or child-focused, and not God-focused.

I've seen so many people who become convicted that they need to be serving, so they do more in the church. Great. We are a unique family ordained by God and we ought to serve each other. However, this isn't enough for me. I think the church can take the suburban sleeping pill too. So many ministries are good, loving, and kind...but they are all about making sure that we suburban-sleepers maintain our desired levels of comfort, safety, and beauty. There are ministries in the church that make the church become inwardly focused as we focus on improving or maintaining our own life, by the world's standards. Don't get me wrong, so many of these ministries are loving, great things we can do for one another. It is good to serve one another. But it's not enough to ward off the sleeping pill...it's just a Christian sleeping pill.

Also, I will add that this isn't about pride with MY job or MY career. I'm beyond that...I get that I have nothing to do with my job. I really don't know how I ended up doing what I did; I know it's all God.

I don't know what to do to ensure that babies don't equal sleeping pill; we'll be giving up our current wake up call. I'm scared though. I don't have any happy thoughts to end this with, or any nice reflections that will wrap this up well. Just my heart on my sleeve...or keyboard.

Lost in the phone tree

2007-03-30T14:49:00.000-07:00

I had a nice run-in with an insurance phone-tree maze today. I number of months ago, I switched my medical coverage to be on the same plan with my husband. I put my new insurance card in my wallet and haven't thought much about it since.

I'll be traveling internationally soon (no, not to Africa) and need to get my prescriptions filled for malaria pills and the ever-so-important, cipro. I ventured into my local drug store. Found some new sunglasses on the way to the pharmacy counter, and we all know that good (as in: cute) sunglasses are an absolute requirement for a big trip. I waited patiently in line. My interaction with the hurried pharmacy lady went well and I handed her my insurance card. Rejection. Apparently, that card is only for the actual doctors office and I should have another card for prescriptions. I had no idea what she was talking about. Actually, this is a work expense, so I don't really care if I have to pay for the pills, but this is the type of information that is good to have figured out before you ever really need it. I left my prescriptions there and told her I'd come back tomorrow - either will full payment, or a prescription insurance card. Seriously, I've never heard of that.

I called the insurance company, and after following the maze of their audible phone tree, I talked to an actual person who told me that our prescriptions are handled through CareMark, and she gave me their phone number. What is CareMark? And why do I not know what she is talking about???

I called CareMark, and then I got stuck in their audible phone tree. I went in circles. There were no options to speak to a representative. I love the answers on the phone tree...the machine tries to sound so understanding. If you make a mistake it says, "My mistake...try again." It asks for my account number, and I enter a random set of numbers (since I've never heard of CareMark), just hoping that will let me talk to a person. Machine says, "Hmmm...that's interesting. I can't seem to find that number."

It's all really funny until I wasn't so entertained any longer. It just got irritating. Instead of saying "order status" or one of the other options, I just said "LET ME TALK TO A PERSON!!!" And guess what the machine said? "OK... I'll transfer you to a representative now. Have a good day." Emotional outbursts are common and expected, to the point that it is an unscripted option. Nice.

I started laughing (audibly) and wondered how that registers in their phone tree. Note to database: customer is mocking our robotic script.

PS - I did find out that we (as in our household) do have a prescription card, but I swear I've never seen it. I found it in our special "card keeping notebook"...which is where we keep membership cards that we don't currently need. The card only has hubs' name on it, but apparently it will work just as well for me.

Puzzle Pieces

2007-03-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

I had a friend once tell me that the thing she loved about me was that I know exactly what I want in life.

I thought about that today, and didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. What an elusive thing, to know exactly what you want. I've been debating if I should call and tell her, just so she doesn't hold me up on too high of a pedestal.

I suppose that she is right. Ultimately, all I want is to glorify God. Truly. May the consequences of my sin demonstrate His wrath and glorify Him. May my need for a savior glorify Him. May He be glorified in the way He has provided me a savior. May He be glorified in my depression. May He be glorified by providing my joy. May my life glorify God and nothing else.

But then, there are the day-to-day decisions that must be made, and I feel like I often don't know which decision will glorify God. At that point, I have no idea what exactly I should do, ought to do, or want to do.

At this very moment in my life, I feel like I have a lot of puzzle pieces, but they don't seem to belong to the same puzzle. I don't understand how they are supposed to fit together. I don't even know why I have the pieces I have. I can't connect any of the pieces, and I can't find the border pieces.

If you can't find any border pieces, at least try to find the corners - start with the corners. Ok, that's easy. The corners of the puzzle would have to be God the Father, Jesus the Son, the Holy Spirit, and the Church (which is where I am). Great...that's like saying I want to glorify God. It's a good thing to understand, that the corners of my life puzzle have to be the trinity and God's Church, but what does that mean for my day-to-day decisions? Back to the border pieces. None of my pieces connect (that I can tell) and none of them are border pieces...at least not to me.

I had a good ~~complaint~~ prayer session with God this morning. I yelled at Him (don't worry - I fully worship Him, thanked Him, and confessed to Him first): I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE PUZZLE PIECES MEAN. PLEASE. JUST. TELL. ME.

I guess my friend was right - I really do know what I want. What I want in life is to know very clearly what God wants. And it would be nice if he would just send me an email or something and let me know. He wrote me a whole book, and it's a good book, but I'm not getting the message clearly enough.

Delaying children?

2007-03-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

I have a question for you and would love to hear your thoughts. Comments are welcome! Please hang in there and read to the bottom for the question. I'll try to be brief, but it's not my best skill!

Hubs and I have been waiting for many years to start having children. We will celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer. We got married while still in college and were quite young....and got pretty good at being busy with life instead of parenting. Still, it's been a long time and we're ready. I'm REALLY ready. Actually, it's been neat to see God working on my heart. Not too long ago, I was throwing temper tantrums in response to my great desire for children. I wanted babies NOW. I asked God to change my heart, and give me His patience and contentment. I've come to trust Him with our future family. I know fully that He may not even have plans to bless us with children - that isn't promised. God may have another plan entirely. And you know what? My heart has changed. Of course I would love to have a house filled with little ones, but even more so, I want my home and family to glorify God - in whatever way God would have for us. If He doesn't have children planned for us, then I can't wait to find out what His plan is.

That being said, with great contentment and peace, our plan is to start trying to have children soon. As it turns out, I think I'm going to have an opportunity to travel to Africa for work right around the exact same time we were planning for this. The problem? I would have to take lots of vaccinations, and you shouldn't get pregnant for three months after you get the vaccines. If we have to wait a few months, it would likely be more like 5-6 months... to try, in some attempt, to avoid having babies in the middle of summer (long story for another day...just know it would cause great family angst for us to have a summer baby).

So... question of the year (or, of eight years!): Is it worth a free trip to Africa to postpone children for 5 more months, or should I choose babies first, and decline the trip? If it was a trip with my church instead of work, would it make a difference? Should it? Does it make a difference to wait 5 more months, when I've waited 8 years? Is this a test from God to choose family over work, or is it an opportunity from God to go to a place that I won't be able to go for many more years (since I won't be taking an infant there) and see His face in the eyes of suffering children?

I can't believe after all this, after all this waiting, I'm likely being given this choice. Please, please please, I'd love your thoughts. What would you do?

Questions 9 & 10

2007-03-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

I'm starting this week off looking at questions nine and ten from the Westminster Shorter Catechism.

Q. 9. What is the work of creation?
A. The work of creation is, God’s making all things of nothing, by the word of his power,[24] in the space of six days, and all very good.[25]

Q. 10. How did God create man?
A. God created man male and female, after his own image,[26] in knowledge,[27] righteousness, and holiness,[28] with dominion over the creatures.[29]

I'm glad that I happen to be looking at these two questions together. I've been re-listening (on CD) to a sermon my pastor gave about marriage. One of the points made was that the only thing in all of creation that wasn't declared "good" was that Adam was alone; the human situation was only "good" after he received his wife. One of the things I think most interesting about this is that God knew it wouldn't be good for man to be alone. He could have created both beings from the start, but He didn't. Why? I think it was so that man would know He needed woman - he experienced that need as he searched through and named the animal kingdom. He longed for someone, and God gave Him the gift of a wife. I think it also taught woman that she was made for the purpose of being a helpmate to God. She was created purposefully and intentionally, but her purpose is fully wrapped up in her relationship to man.

My prayer is that I remember that I was created by God, that it was "good", that I was created to be a support and helpmate to my husband, that "husband" was created first but needs a "wife" as God created her to be, and that I am made in God's image and should reflect it!

This text is timely in my life right now. I am so thankful for my husband. We've been married for nearly 8 years, but I feel like I'm just now learning how be be a Godly wife. May God strengthen me in this area and use me to bless my husband.

Menu Plan Monday 3/26

2007-03-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Menu Plan Monday, hosted by the Organizing Junkie!

I do my menu planning Thursday through Wednesdays, so I've decided to post the menu that we're currently in the midst of. If you are here for ideas, it should work just as well for you!

I like doing it this way, rather than starting with Monday, because make my menu after I get the sales flyers on Tuesday. I buy my things early in the sale, while they still have the products advertised. Also, by starting with Thursday, I'm more likely to cook as planned over the weekend. I spend much time planning my menu, so for the first few days I'm really excited to make the things I've planned. Towards the end of it, that excitement is fading, and I'm more likely to want to eat out. If that happens at the same time as a weekend, we're doomed.

I'm doing pretty good overall. I didn't make the Chicken Cordon Bleu on Friday; we needed to talk about something, and I made the decision that it was a restaurant conversation. Since we ate out too much while dating, we have all our best talks while eating at restaurants. For some reason, chips and salsa make everything better. I'm going to make the Chicken Cordon Bleu on Monday and freeze it ahead. We'll probably have that for dinner on Tuesday, move Tuesday's dinner to Wednesday, and save pizza muffins for next week.

Thursday: kel - "off day" - not working, friend over for afternoon
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast
Lunch: hubs - left over fajita bowl; me - burrito
Dinner: Shepherd's Pie (make 6 servings, freeze ahead)

Friday: Kel: Home - work part-day, make Chicken Cordon Bleu
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast
Lunch: hubs - out; me - burrito w/ friend visiting
Dinner: Chicken Cordon Bleu, salad

Saturday: kel - bsf and fellowship; Church workday for afternoon/lunch; cousin's play in evening
Breakfast: kel - poached egg and toast; hubs - oatmeal
Lunch: free, at church
Dinner: Out - on the way to the play

Sunday: church in am, church party for lunch/fellowship
Breakfast: peanut butter & english muffin
Lunch: free, at church for party
Dinner: tuna melts and chili
Prep: Start oatmeal in crockpot

Monday: kel - work at home, bsf - leave at 5:45
Breakfast: Crockpot irish oatmeal
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - left over shepherd's pie
Dinner: Chicken quesadillas and left over chicken chili

Tuesday: kel - friends visiting am, work at home afternoon
Breakfast: left over irish oatmeal with egg white scrambles
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - free lunch at work
Dinner: ham & cheese grills w/ fries & salad

Wednesday: kel - work at office; hubs - class - leave at 6pm
Breakfast: poached eggs and toast
Lunch: kel - burrito, hubs - Peanut butter sandwich and fruit
Dinner: Pizza muffins

Happy cooking to you!

Appeasing Grandma

2007-03-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

The other day my Grandma left me a voice mail informing me that she really wanted hubs and I to join her on a hot air balloon ride as a birthday present to her. Unfortunately, her birthday is right now and the balloon ride would be in just a couple weeks, and it's really not in our budget right now. How do you say no to Grandma? I felt horrible having to call my grandma and tell her that we didn't want to pay for her one birthday request. I put the phone call off for three days.

I finally made the dreaded call. I explained the financial situation in such a clever way that, in the end, she was not disappointed, and thoroughly ok with our decision.

How, might you ask, did I do that?

I just explained that we're trying to save money right now so that we can have babies and I can stay home. I could hear the smile on her face. The only complaint I received during the whole was that we need to "hurry it up!"

Gotta love Grandma.

How to clean your fridge

2007-03-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

How to clean your fridge:

Make a yummy burrito for lunch (as I do almost every single day)
Put the leftover pinto beans (one can lasts for 3-4 days) in its container and put the lid on
Close the lids on all the other containers (olives, lettuce, tomatoes, etc.)
Gather all those little tubs in one arm and put them in the fridge
Drop the olives on the floor, but pick it right back up, and thank the Lord for plastic
Grab the container of pinto beans (steaming up the inside of it's container, making the lid highly pliable) and *try* put it in the fridge
Drop the container of pinto beans, watch it fall into the drawer of cheese/meats, which is still open
Pray that it will stay closed, just like the olives
Watch the highly pliable lid (thank you steam) pop right off, spilling 4 servings of pinto beans all over all the cheese and lunch meats
Laugh, you must laugh
Figure out how to take the drawer out of the fridge (we just moved in a couple months ago, so I've not had to do this yet)
Hand wash all of the bags of cheese and meats
Toss what had to be tossed...or rather, what was beyond its life and needed the garbage!
Hand dry all the bags of cheese and meats and put back in the fridge
Wash the drawer
Don't dry the drawer, but put it in the dry rack, since your lunch is still waiting to be eaten

And that, if you were wondering, is a great way to get your fridge cleaned.

Constant

2007-03-22T07:31:00.000-07:00

I wrote a couple days ago about choosing pain to achieve a desired end-result. I just started an orthodontic process (braces, but with clear plastic trays instead of metal). Since my teeth and their pain have been front-and-center in my thoughts, so has this.

This whole orthodontic tray thingy hurts. Really, my teeth are doing ok. So far, there is much less soreness of my actual teeth than when I had traditional braces years ago. The part that hurts is my tongue and inside of my lips. You see, the edges of these trays are a tad sharp and my tongue/lips are a bit raw. It's constant. There is no where else to put my tongue or lips. They are constantly irritated. But, as it continually hurts, I continually think about the end result. I could take out the trays if I wanted to, but I don't. I just remind myself that I'm straightening my teeth and it will be great in the end!

I can't help but notice that I wish I were more like this spiritually. To constantly know the pain that I cause God, to constantly recognize the grace He has given me, to constantly feel the process of sanctification - if dying to self and turning towards to Lord, and to constantly be reminded of the end-result. God working in me would be so easy to see and to feel. Praying constantly would a given. How could you not?

Perhaps this is the beauty of having children (for those of you that have them!). You have little reminders of your God's gifts running around you all the time...and then eventually they start saying things to you that reveal your flaws. Maybe this is why God gives us children. I only have a dog and she doesn't humble me at all. She just loves me, and the space heater under my desk, and to her, I AM God. Anyway... (By the way, does anyone ever desire children for the purpose the humility-training? Or does the realization of that benefit come later?)

I've been praying lately for God to remind me of my sin - to show it to me. It's so ugly, but it's real. It's so easy for me to slip into a frame of mind where I forget my sin. My life is pretty good. Yep, doing pretty good today. Life looks great. I forget that even my best efforts are filthy rags, but by Christ's righteousness (and by nothing else), I have beautiful, clean garments. (Zechariah 3:3-4).

My sin is constant. Grace is constant. And I wish I were better at remembering it constantly.

Works for me Wednesday: Geography Lessons

2007-03-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

There is a middle school associated with my church (home schooled kids who meet together a few times a week), and recently the woman who teaches it was asking if I knew of any place to get good country-profile information. Their class is helping a non-profit in with a project in Kenya, but she didn't have any good resources for them about what it was like in Kenya, or compared to other countries in Africa. I know of several great ones!

I sent them to her, and thought I'd offer it to the WFMW crowd...hopefully it can be helpful in learning geography and about life in other parts of the world.

The Library of Congress has a number of great country profiles that are really long - Kenya's was 22 pages long! They seem to include a bit more history than others.
The CIA World Fact Book has tons of information about every country. They also include maps.
The UN site also has very useful information; I especially think they have great, detailed maps.

Enjoy!

Chosing Pain

2007-03-20T11:53:00.000-07:00

I started a new journey today: Invisalign orthodontics. In just about 12 months from now, I will have straight, pretty teeth. I suppose they are pretty now, but not as straight as I'd like. I hate to admit it, but I actually did have traditional braces in junior high, but they were taken off too soon and it didn't take too long for my teeth to move back quite a bit.

So far, this is pretty darn cool. The whole thing is done with the clear, plastic trays that you wear all time time, except when eating. Each set of trays lasts for two weeks, and then you switch to the next set. I've already gotten to see digital imaging of how my teeth will change. This is pretty cool technology!

Improvement is painful, and yet, we need to make a purposeful choice to go through that painful process. I excitedly started this process today, knowing that I will experience a lot of soreness in my mouth, and a bit of inconvenience. I considered my options, and I decided to endure a year of mouth-pain to win the prize of straight teeth. This is true of many physical things. My husband needs to get his wisdom teeth taken our this year. We know it will have a good outcome, but we also know it will be a hard, painful, trying process. I think childbirth (and rearing) and the greatest examples... we joyfully accept the pain, the changes, and the massive inconveniences all for the greater benefits we will receive in adding to our family.

How immature would we be to avoid the painful process altogether - never enjoying the better outcome, for fear of the short-term pain. How often does short-term pain keep me from growing?

We frequently do this in our spiritual lives. Sanctification is painful, but the outcome that God has in store is better than we can even imagine. Are we willing to endure the painful process? It takes realness with God, vulnerability. We need to ask, to listen, and then to DO. Do I want to become more become? I can bet my pride will be challenged. Do I want to become more patient? I should plan on waiting a lot. Do I really want to jump in to these painful processes?

It's become pretty easy for me to value the long-term benefit over short-term pain when it comes to physical things. I can endure painful teeth and nursing my husband after his wisdom teeth are pulled. These are tangible things with tangible outcomes.

May God help me to value the long-term benefits over short-term pain when it comes to spiritual things; that I will so greatly value His final prize, that there would never be a question of the trade-off.

Sin, sin, go away - don't come back another day

2007-03-18T15:50:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about sin lately. This I hate: as a new creation in Christ, we will still sin - guaranteed. I initially wrote that we would "struggle with sin" - that sounds so much more PC. Of course there will be struggle, but the hard truth is that we WILL sin. We can't fool ourselves into thinking we become sin-free in any way. I especially hate how I can struggle with periodic willful sin. It's so ugly. I've been trying to learn that as ugly as I am during these times, that is my true self. My true sin-nature IS that ugly all the time. And then grace is all the more beautiful. Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. What a merciful, loving God we have.

Anyway, I've been thinking about some specific times that I've sinned grievously. We all have. There are things I've done and said that I just regret. I've repented and I know I'm forgiven. Yet, that's not the end of it...I have more I need to do. I know that there are underlying sins that made it so I was susceptible to the sin-action. I don't think I've fully dealt with those sins, lies, and wrong-thinking that lead to my sin. And if I don't dig them out, it will surely resurface. I need to spend some time in prayer about this.

I cannot wait for heaven. Sinning, conviction, repentance....just the full process of sanctification is really tiring to me! Praise God for His patience, and that He doesn't get tired of me!

Questions 7 & 8

2007-03-18T15:45:00.000-07:00

Continuing in this journey, I thought I would go ahead and consider questions 7 and 8 from the Westminster Shorter Catechism.

Q. 7. What are the decrees of God?
A. The decrees of God are, his eternal purpose, according to the counsel of his will, whereby, for his own glory, he hath foreordained whatsoever comes to pass.[22]

Q. 8. How doth God execute his decrees?
A. God executeth his decrees in the works of creation and providence.[23]

I can't help but notice how many times the word "His" is used here. It's all about HIM. Not me. His decrees = His purpose, will, glory... That is my lesson this year. God is to be glorified in all things.

Back to my resolution: Q5 & Q6

2007-03-15T18:55:00.000-07:00

You may recall my goal to review one question from the Westminster Shorter Catechism per week. I'm a bit behind. Ok, a lot behind. That's ok. God's mercies are new every morning. I'll just get back into it and maybe review two at a time until I catch up.

Q. 5. Are there more Gods than one?
A. There is but one only,[18] the living and true God.[19]

Q. 6. How many persons are there in the Godhead?
A. There are three persons in the Godhead: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost;[20] and these three are one God, the same in substance, equal in power and glory.[21]

A few thoughts...

There is only one God: the true, living God. As we approach Easter, it's so good to remember that our God is a living God. God became man (Jesus Christ), and though He died a physical death, He defeated death: He came back to life, physically walked on earth again, and then went to Heaven to be with God, the Father.

Why does it matter that He conquered death? Death is the outcome of sin. If we are believers in and followers of Christ, He has defeated sin in us too. He is stronger than sin. More powerful than sin. We will fight sin, which is Satan at work in our world, all the days of our lives, and our God has already proven that He wins. He has conquered death in the body of Christ. He conquers sin in our lives. We already know how this great battle will win, for our God is alive and well. Death did not conquer Him, rather, He already won that battle. God lives.

Regarding the Holy Spirit... I love that this is a picture of how marriage ought to be. It's a hard concept for something to be separate but one. People struggle with marriage - are we one unit and giving up our individual personalities, or are we separate people but lacking in marital unity? What is God's plan? We have the trinity to teach us. We are to be one body: HusbandAndWife. One. A new creation together. A new created being. Like the trinity, this doesn't remove the unique people that we are and our unique personalities. We can act uniquely. In the trinity, each person of the God-head has a unique role. They have unique characteristics and attributes. They can act independently. BUT, they are consistent to each other. You won't see God, Jesus, and the Spirit contradicting one another. They have different, all important roles to play, but the goal is always to carry out God's plan. There is order and a purpose to their roles. They are all working independently but together to work out God's plan that was prepared in advance. What a gift God has given us to teach us how to be married, and married well.

There is no more a fitting response than to praise God, the true God, for His gift of the son, who paid for our sin, and the spirit, who is our comforter and guarantee of coming inheritance.

Romans 11:33-36

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”
“Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?”

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

Menu Planning

2007-03-09T07:01:00.000-08:00

My first attempt last week at creating a thorough menu plan worked out really well.

So, I've done it again and am set to go grocery shopping this morning. And again, I shall participate in Laura's Menu Plan Monday at the end of the week. Oh well!

Also, today is a big day of celebration when it comes to menu planning. We found a chest freezer on craigslist that we like for $75. Yahoo! Hubs is on his way to get it now. I'll finally be able to really make meals in advance. This will help so SO much! Yay!

Thursday: kel - At office - home at 5:30
Breakfast: hubs - poached eggs & toast
Lunch: hubs - out; me - brown bag sandwich and apple
Dinner: Shepherd's Pie (6 servings)

Friday: Kel: Home - meetings at 11 & 4, closet organizing w/ friend; hubs work at duplex
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast
Lunch: hubs - out; me - burrito w/ friend visiting
Dinner: French dip, salad, chocolate chip cookies for dessert
Prep: make 3 dozen shortbread cookies for tea party tomorrow

Saturday: kel - bsf at 7:00; Church tea at 10:00, baby shower at 2:00
Breakfast: kel - poached egg and toast; hubs - oatmeal
Lunch: burritos or sandwiches
Dinner: Alfredo pasta with chicken and veggie (broccoli or red bell pepper) (4)

Sunday: church in am, small group at 6pm
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast; homemade lattes
Lunch: out w/ visitors from church
Dinner: tuna melts and chili
Prep: Start oatmeal in crockpot

Monday: kel - work at home, bsf - leave at 5:45
Breakfast: Crockpot irish oatmeal
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - left over alfredo chicken
Dinner: kel - yogurt & granola; hubs - left over shepherd's pie

Tuesday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: left over irish oatmeal with egg white scrambles
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - sandwich
Dinner: Chicken cordon bleu (make extra to freeze) and salad

Wednesday: kel - work at office; hubs - class - leave at 6pm
Breakfast: poached eggs and toast
Lunch: kel - out; hubs - left over white chicken chili
Dinner: Pizza muffins

Works for me Wednesday: Better Yogurt

2007-03-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hurray for the kitchen edition of Works for Me Wednesday! I need all the help here that I can get! Check out Shannon's site for more tips!

My tip is about making customized yogurt. It is more nutritious and cost effective that individual servings of yogurt you can buy.

First, I buy the big tub of plain low-fat yogurt. Plain yogurt has TONS less sugar than flavored yogurt. The ingredient list is so much shorter - actual foods instead of chemicals. I get low-fat instead of non-fat because I need to make sure I'm getting some fat in my diet - I tend to cut it out too easily. Also, because of all the sugars, our bodies tend to process flavored yogurt as more of a carbohydrate rather than a protein, but in plain yogurt, our bodies can recognize what it's eating and it's digested as a protein. Finally, the big tub is way cheaper than 7 or 8 of the little containers.

Unfortunately, I think plain yogurt tastes gross, so here's what I do. I get my big tub, split it into 7 or 8 little containers (I use the little ziplock plastic containers and wash them when done), and add one packet of splenda to each one.

Then, I add about a quarter cup of frozen mini blueberries and a few frozen raspberries. I stack these up and put them in the fridge.

When I'm hungry, I grab a yogurt, stir well (the berries will defrost in the fridge and make it a little watery), and put some grape-nuts or other granola on top. It's healthy, cheap, and yummy. Works for me!