Menu Plan Monday 6/11

It's been awhile since I participated in Menu Plan Monday at Laura's but that's just because it's been awhile since I created a menu plan. I'm getting back to routines and budgeting, which means getting back to the kitchen. Monday is mid-menu for me, but I'll post my current plan.


Thursday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast
Lunch: hubs - free lunch at work; me - burrito
Dinner: Hamburgers and corn on the cob

Friday: Kel: Work at home
Breakfast: poached eggs & toast
Lunch: free lunch at work; me - burrito
Dinner: Chicken cordon bleu, salad

Saturday: kel - mom visit for the day
Breakfast: kel - Ham and egg muffins
Lunch: Kel - out, hubs - sandwich at home
Dinner: Baked chicken, foil pack vegetables, dinner rolls

Sunday: church in am, small group in evening; make cookies for small group
Breakfast: peanut butter & english muffin
Lunch: tuna melts and soup
Dinner: chicken quesedillas

Monday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: Oatmeal
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - sandwich
Dinner: Pork ribs, vegetable packets, mini potatoes

Tuesday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: oatmeal
Lunch: kel - burrito; hubs - sandwich
Dinner: Salmon, rice, and salad

Wednesday: kel - work at home
Breakfast: Ham and egg muffins
Lunch: kel - burrito, hubs - sandwich
Dinner: Anniversary dinner - out

This WAS the plan, although several things have already been adjusted for life. Friday was emotionally draining and we ate dinner out. I didn't buy the pork ribs at the store (the sale starts on Wednesday, but the shipment doesn't come in until Thursday... figure that one out!), so we'll have the chicken cordon bleu tonight... or chicken breasts or something. I had the lucky treat of eating lunch with hubs today...which we never get to do mid-week. He was at the office just for the morning, and I hung out at a coffee shop while he was there. My favorite Subway sandwich is the daily special on Mondays, so it worked out quite well.

Happy cooking to you!

At the coffee house

Hubs needed me to drive him to the office this morning. Driving back home, with traffic, would take me forever, so the plan was that I would work at the local coffee shop for a few hours. If you buy a latte, you get free drip refills. With their free wi-fi, it's a deal hard to beat.

I found a nice empty nook with leather armchairs and a fireplace on. Cozy. The perfect arrangement to enjoy my tall, nonfat, sugar free caramel latte. There is no other way to enjoy a grey Monday morning.

Awhile into my time, a man came and sat in an armchair near me. I don't mind sharing my perfect spot - no problem. Awhile later, two other people happened to come in that new him...they were surprised and happy to see each other. They sat down and conversation commenced. No problem. I'm all for coffee house friendships and coffee house conversation. It's beautiful. To a point. Like all beautiful things, too much of a good thing, is not a good thing.

These people are cracking me up. THEY are cracked up.

One of them recently had his unlocked car broken into; his leather coat, cell phone, and wallet were all stolen. They have spent the last hour philosophizing (is that a word?) this violation. It's a prime-time comedy sketch, and they are completely and totally serious. Added to the comedy is the fact that they are a bit white-trashy (except one of them isn't white) looking. I'm in a bit of an upscale area, and they don't fit in quite right. And yet they sit, trying to determine how they feel about this incident.

They believe in the law of attraction: This guy was too trusting, and was putting too much value in his processions. He needed to share them and was attracting this. The other person was attracting an open opportunity. They were meant to collide. He was a co-creator in this situation. If you think of it as a donation to someone who needed his things more, it feels better inside. Way better. Even better, if you think of it as sharing... that he was so well off that he was offering to share his things with someone else. Whoa... that feels even better. Maybe his things were discovered, not stolen. Just like America, right?

Garbage. Just garbage. I finally put on my MP3 player and am hoping that Paul Simon can drown them out.

What I would like to know is...

What on earth did I do to attract these loonies to me, in my lovely coffee house nook? And may I never do that again!

Hello

Yet again. I'm here yet again giving a general update on my life, without any one topic worthy of a post of its own.

I'm meeting with a friend tomorrow night to plan a summer Bible study together. She was in my Bible study group this last year, and we became friends. We are both ones who need forced discipline, so we both liked the idea of continuing a scheduled study. True to form... our study of Romans ended over two weeks ago and I've been floundering. I have read my Bible but without much purpose or insight. Unfortunately, the summer will go by so quickly and we could have used those two weeks in the new study! I think we are going to study Daniel together (although we're still debating between that and Esther)...doing a homiletics exercise and then following up with a commentary. She's a new friend, so I'm really excited to get to know her more through this time.

Hubs and I are having our house painted soon. Quite an ordeal. We are not painting it ourselves, although the price tag is a big one to swallow. Parts of our home are three stories tall (on the sides where it goes down on the side of the crawl space), and it's just big. If we did it ourselves we would risk injury and death, and we would just be miserable for a couple of months. Honestly, it would take us all summer and we would hate it. Our happiness for the summer seemed like it should be worth a lot, and so, we are paying a lot. I exaggerate not when I tell you that our house is the color of a poopy diaper. With brown trim. On directions, I tell people that it's a mustard-colored house, but that's to be polite. It's the color of baby poo. It will soon be a dark charcoaly/blue-ish/ gray with white trim, black shutters, and a red door. I am very, very excited. Yay for a pretty house!

I just realized yesterday that I have five and a half weeks of vacation saved up and am now highly distracted thinking of the ways I might use them.

Happy Wednesday to you!

Clumsy me

I'm a little scared of what life will be like when I'm pregnant (no, I'm not pregnant). Not because of the body changes or labor pain, though I'm a little fearful of those too. I'm scared of the clumsiness that comes with pregnancy. I'm clumsy enough as it is. I'm afraid that added clumsiness will pose a risk of killing myself and/or unborn child.

I'm not doing so well today. Last night I managed to drop a hot iron onto my foot. The pattern on the bottom of my iron is burned onto the top of my foot. Then, in an effort to sleep without moving my burned foot at all, I did something crazy to my neck... when I woke up, I couldn't move my head to the right. That's a great way to start a day of wedding coordinating. ;-)

Hubs bandaged up my foot today so that I could wear shoes to the wedding, and I managed to massage my neck enough that I gained back some mobility, though not all. I really tweaked it well. Nice.

Really... I don't think I need to be any clumsier than I am now. At all. I'm not sure I'll make it.

Wedding bells

Random fact about me: I am a novice wedding coordinator.

I've done a few weddings for friends, and now I'm the wedding coordinator for my church. My church has a new building and we've never really had weddings before. Our old building was designed to be a chicken coop (no, not kidding), so people never really wanted to get married there. Now we have a beautiful new sanctuary, and four weddings booked for the summer.

My first wedding for our church is tomorrow, and the rehearsal is today. It is not my wedding - it's not even a church member's wedding, but I'm so anxious/excited/nervous. I'm having a hard time getting any work done today, or anything done for that matter, because I am just to excited.

Hubs helps me on wedding days. I know he doesn't have to, but he does and I'm so thankful. He can wrangle up the groomsmen, while I wrangle up the bridesmaids. We have a lot of fun doing it together. To thank him (or bribe him?) for doing this with me, we went ahead and bought two good walkie talkies with a ear piece thing. We have a secret desire to be spies. We've been practicing our wedding-spy lingo and etiquette.

There are two secrets to our wedding coordination success. The first is we are just an awesome team...and the walkie talkies will make us even cooler. Seriously - the first secret is just US. We are just good at this. Ha!

The second secret, is my magic wedding purse. I have this bag, which is super cute, that has every item that might be needed on wedding day. (Ok, there are a few other things I'll bring to the church that are just too big to fit in the bag.) It has rescued several brides.


It is packed with 39 different wedding-survival items, grouped by category into zip-lock bags.

Did you know that roses can bleed their color onto a wedding dress?
Did you know that can cause a bride to panic?
Did you know that shout-wipes can remove that stain?
Oh yes, they can.

WFMW: Count your salad!

I just re-started tracking my food using the SparkPeople tool. Handy little tracking tool. Anyway, I've been trying to be more diligent in eating more salads. I love big salads...with a little bit of lettuce topped with tons of crunchy veggies. It takes up a huge bowl. Yum.

I put my salad ingredients into the food tracker, and was a little surprised to see that it is about 140 -170 calories (depending on what all I put in it). For 140 calories, I'm eating lettuce, tomatoes, bell peppers, broccoli, cucumber, a few black olives, 1 TB gorgonzola cheese crumbles, and 2 TB lite balsamic vinaigrette. More cheese, nuts, or olives puts it closer to 170.

I don't know about you, but an additional 150 calories to my diet is significant.

In the past, I would plan out my food, but not really count the calories in the salad... all those veggies don't add up to much. Of course, the fiber and nutrients provided by those 150 calories are definitely worth it - I'm not saying you should skip the salad. Just count it! I need to eat less of an entree (or better yet, less of whatever carb-filled side dish there is) and enjoy my 150 calorie salad masterpiece.

My tip this Wednesday? Eat your salad, but count it too!

Sunny day

Lovely, sunny day. I wish it were this sunny and warm all year long.

The view of Cougar Mountain (which is not a mountain, just a hill), from my backyard:

BBQs and hiking

I am so thankful that we had a three day weekend. The first two days of our weekend were so busy. Fun, but very busy. Hub's and I had worked diligently to keep Monday appointment-free...so we got to spend the whole day together doing whatever we wanted. It was wonderful!

On Saturday, my sister and her family came over. They gave us their picnic table, which I've wanted for a long time. I helped my dad and grandpa make it about 20 years ago. It was a huge octagon-shaped table. Since then, dad took out the middle section, so now it's round with six sides. Still great for a BBQ! I was dismayed when the table ended up at my sisters house, so I didn't wait two seconds to ask for it when I heard they were moving. We enjoyed dinner at our place, and spent the afternoon/evening keeping the 3 1/2 year old entertained and happy, and keeping the dog out of the face of the 6 month old. On Sunday evening, we hosted a BBQ at our house for our church small group...about 25 people (about 12 of those were kids). Lots of food, and a lot of fun. I was so thankful to have that big table!

We spent the first part of Monday sleeping in. Yay! Then, I rearranged furniture - one of my very favoritest things to do. Then, we went for a five mile hike on Cougar Mountain. For those of you who live in generally flat places of the world, this was the category of mountain that we prefer to call "hill".

Let's have a geography lesson. You see mountains look like this:

Mt. Rainier:

Mt. St. Helens:

Mt. Adams:

Mountains have snow on them. Mountains have a risk of erupting. Mountains have a tree line, which means trees don't grow to the top. Mountains make their own weather patterns. When you live near a mountain, you can refer to it as "the mountain" and people know what you are talking about. There are several BIG mountains relatively near me, but only the closest one (for me this is Mt. Rainier) is referred to as THE mountain. Mountains are big, and therefore, far apart. It takes time to get there. The other mountains are a bit of a drive, so they are referred to by name (Mt. Baker, Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Adams, etc.).

My backyard has a view of Cougar Mountain. I don't want to mislead you though - it's not really a mountain. It is the category of mountain that no one here calls a mountain - it's a hill. A beautiful view, but a hill. Actually, I was trying to Google it to show you what it looks like, and there are no pictures of it. Why? Because it's just a hill! :) Trees to the top. Maybe I'll post my own picture later so you can see. Turns out, I don't have one from a sunny day yet, so I need to take one. But, the sun is still coming up on that side of the house and it's too bright. I'll take one later today and post it.

Really, we just laugh when we go to some other place in the country and see what people call mountains. Seriously. Any incline is a hill. A big incline is a mountain. Directions for a quick errand shouldn't include "go over the mountain and...". Going over a mountain isn't quick. ;-)

Anyway, we went for a five mile hike on Cougar Mountain hill. It was great! I love where I live because I'm in the middle of suburbia, within a half hour of a couple different big cities, and there are several mountain trail heads 5-10 minutes from my house, AND, most importantly, there is a Starbucks and a Tully's (local coffee chain, better than Starbucks) within walking distance from my housing development.

Lesson of the weekend: You will get a huge blister when hiking for five miles with a toe ring on.

Have a great week!!!

Christmas in May

I'm home. Finally. The flight from Lisbon is painfully long. Flying west, wherein I'm graced with an extra eight hours in my day, is the best cure for the days when I long for more hours in my day. I really do not want more hours in the day.

My only complaint with being home is that it is COLD. We're expecting a high today of 62, but it's currently raining and 48. Thankfully, it's supposed to be 75 by Friday, but then cool off again a bit. (How boring is my blog if I've gotten to the point of discussing the weather with people who don't even live here???) My problem is that I'm used to 80. Hot. Sun. Warm. Sandals. I really, really need some sunshine people.

The best part of coming home was that I received a belated Christmas from hubs. It was an IOU present - a "we'll shop for it together" present. Then, some financial analysis decided that perhaps my Christmas present should wait. I knew that I would receive my gift when hubs was ready and comfortable....even if it was a few years from now, and I was content to wait until the time was right.

I'm so happy that it's NOW!! Yay! And what is it, you ask? It's my very own, very pretty piano. I barely know how to play, which makes this gift even sweeter. It's a gift to honor my desire to make music. I am so thankful that his response wasn't "you can have a piano once you can play better" but that he is investing in my dreams instead.


And, if nothing else, it's just really pretty in our front room. :)

Lovely Life in Lisbon

Two days of health meetings ended yesterday. Five days of nutrition meetings begin tomorrow. One deliciously lovely free day was enjoyed today.

Lovely Lisbon.

Very transparency

One of my favorite movies is "Love Actually" - it's one of the ones I can watch again and again. I love the part where the Colin Firth (does the sentence really need to go any further than that??) who plays Jamie, falls in love with Aurellia... except that he speaks English and she speaks Portuguese. Once their paths separate, they both learn the other language... "just in cases." When he eventually proposes to her (in Portuguese), he explains to her that their love is very transparency. I love that moment. (BTW - this movie is NOT kid-appropriate.)

You'd think that I could speak at least a tiny bit of Portuguese from watching that movie so many times. But no... all I can remember is the broken English version of their words. I wish I had paid more attention.

In about eight hours, a nice man in a shuttle van will come pick me up to take me to the airport. This service is one of the only ways I can guarantee to be at the airport before boarding time. (That is because I don't start packing until 11pm, but anyway...) I will get on an airplane, and 24 hours later (time changes and one layover included), I will get off the plane in Lisbon, Portugal.

I'm blown away at how cool my job is. Seriously. I work for non-profit, so who would have ever thought that I'd get to go to meetings is LISBON!?!?!??! Not I. I never craved travel when I was younger. Yet, I've been so blessed by it, and stretched by it. God has opened my eyes to a much bigger world. I am so thankful. God is so good to me; His love is very transparency.

And, I'm SO thankful for my husband who spent his whole evening tonight, and stayed up WAY too late, putting together a list of things I should see in Lisbon - and their directions. This is especially generous because he doesn't get to go... he did it all for me. =) Thanks honey!

Pictures to come...

PS... the gal who played Aurelia lives in Lisbon. How cool would it be if I met her? Maybe she will teach me some Portuguese.

Map

Fun little map...

For my family who teases me for traveling SOOOOOOO much, I really don't. I've only been to a measly 4% of the world's countries. I wish it gave a % of the states in the US because I think that one would be more impressive. This is filled out, as of next week's trip.

Suffering

One of the things I've been thinking about in my post-trip processing, is the need to correctly understand the suffering for which we are compassionate towards. I think a vastly different culture and lifestyle can easily be confused for suffering; we confuse compassion for what should just be fascination. There are many things about other cultures which are not suffering - they are just different (cooking on the ground, washing clothes by hand in the river, etc.). We tend to believe the lie God's goal for us all is to be comfortable, and our goal for others is that they would have a lifestyle that is as comfortable as ours. Not that we should want people to NOT be comfortable, I just think we tend to use the goal of comfort as an idol, and perhaps much of our own comfort-seeking is sinful. I think it's interesting that many of these lifestyle differences that we see are so similar to how life would have been lived in Jesus' day - and it was just fine and acceptable. These are not things he takes issue with in the Bible.

To clarify my thinking about this, I wanted to define suffering. Is this defined in the Bible anywhere, or just described? I can't think of a specific definition. I was thinking that suffering is the lack of fullness of life that Jesus talks of. So, then I wanted to define "fullness of life" - again, this gets talked of often, but I don't think I've ever heard it defined. This is interesting to me because it needs to be something that only Jesus can truly fulfill, but something we can strive for. So, I was thinking that the fullness of life would be experienced when the effects of sin (broken relationships between people, between people and the earth, and between people and God) are removed and these relationships are restored.

This definition would work (by my thinking) in that only God can fully achieve this, but that we can try to restore these relationships to some extent - as much as we are able in our fallen world. It encompasses both physical and spiritual suffering, but also shows how physical suffering is a spiritual effect.

What do you think of these definitions? Do you think this is right thinking?

disappointed

I'm disappointed.

There is a young couple who used to work at our church, but then moved away to attend seminary. They were leaving as we were joining, so we never got to know them, but I've heard they are neat people - ones that are a blessing to know. The husband is going to be interning at our church this summer, so they will be back for a few months. We offered to have them stay in our home for the summer. Really, our house itself would be perfect - we have so many extra rooms right now. They could have their own private bedroom, bathroom, and study. While I know this would be a blessing to them, *I* really wanted them to come stay with us. I was looking forward to the friendship that would develop after being house-mates for the summer.

I just found out that they won't be staying with us. Our pastor wanted to wait and see if anyone else offered their home, particularly one that is closer to the church. We live 20 minutes away. I don't think this is too far, but the pastor lives only 5 minutes away, so 20 minutes seems like forever. Unfortunately for me, someone offered.

I know that it is all in God's hands and this was meant to be, and will obviously be the best solution. But still, I'm disappointed.

goodbye and hello

Goodbye sweet children.

Goodbye yummy mangoes.

Goodbye lovely sunshine.

It's time to go home.

I really am here, just quietly. I'm in the space of confused observation that comes after a trip to a different world. I really do miss my blog, and especially my blog friends, but have gotten into the habit of enjoying the blog world by observation as well. Today, I thought I'd post a simply post, just to get over the hurdle of posting.

I am here.

I got back from Haiti mid last week and it has been a whirlwind. I'm exhausted - not from jetlag (it was only a couple hours away), just from... everything. I've been going through some emotional/spiritual cartwheels, and that takes a lot out of me. Also just physically - I was going non-stop while in Haiti, had one day of down time when I came home, and then back to the office for a thousand meetings for two days. More to come on another day about the emotional/spiritual cartwheels.

And I'll be leaving again soon. While in Haiti, I found out that I need/get to go to some meetings for work in Lisbon, Portugal. Yay! I'm SOOOO excited. I've never been to that part of the world before at all. The only hard part is that I leave in 8 days, which is a bit too soon for my preference. I'm honestly not all the way unpacked and cleaned up from Haiti. I have a ton of personal life things that need to get done....housework (it's in disaster mode), paid work, wedding work for church, bible study work, etc. Plus, I'd really like to catch up with a few friends. I have one friend who just had a baby, and I haven't seen him yet, and another friend who was due yesterday, and although I saw her yesterday, I HAVE to have time to see her and then baby when this child decides it's time to make an appearance.

So, I'm here.

Crazy moment of the day (yesterday): I've been enjoying club soda with lime lately. I really enjoy this while traveling and decided I should drink it at home too, but be warned - I've been told it's disgusting. I got a 2 liter bottle of club soda. Came home. Opened it up. Without even a bit of "hissing" warning, it promptly became a giant spewing fountain of club soda with a 5 foot radius in my kitchen, which included me.

here i am

It takes me a long time to digest my thoughts.



I'm in Haiti. Almost done with the first week and about to begin the second. I don't have any concise thoughts to share yet.



We had a few days visiting projects. So strange to be in such a poor, foreign land with a two hour time difference. So close to home.



When I travel for work, I often feel out of place in my job... so unqualified to really be of any use, peering too closely into people's private lives, seeing their suffering without any effect worthy of the violation. I know good will come out of it eventually...in a round about way, but during the privacy invasion, the round about way just seems too distant. But, the other day, I think I had a small part in saving a little boy's life. He was starving, and now he has a referral to a hospital, which is usually too full, and he will be cared for. He will get food and medicine and be watched carefully. Maybe that would have happened anyway, and maybe he would have gotten food at the distribution next week. But maybe not. At that moment, I was so thankful that I bothered to invade his privacy and enter into his world.

My favorite place is the island of La Gonave, which is the little island off of Haiti's main island. It's a small island, but when you are driving on their "roads" at 5 mph, it is a HUGE island. It is beautiful, but so, so poor. Wonderful people. Part of my heart will stay here for sure. Haiti is beautiful... yet no tourism. It's crazy. Amidst our time visiting hungry children, food distributions, and agriculture projects, we did get to enjoy the beach... I'm in the Caribbean after all. I got to swimming (fully dressed). It was awesome. Seriously awesome. Make a note to yourself - if there is ever a hotel on La Gonanve, you should go.

I'm at a rather vacationy hotel until Tuesday (thank the Lord for working by the pool with rum punch in hand), and then back to the world of dirt and sweat (and no Internet access) until the following Tuesday.

More to come later!

Awarded

The other day, Nise - a recent blogger friend, awarded me my very first blog award:

I'm a thinking blogger...or so the rumor says. Quite a compliment really. Sometimes I think I'm just a doubting, un-trusting, questioning Christian who write about it on a blog...but "Thinking" sounds so much nicer. Thanks Nise!

Ok, by the rules of this award, I'm supposed to award others...and I will. But not today. Sorry! I hope that doesn't rule me out for the "good blog etiquette" award, and surely it will.

I'm flying to Haiti tomorrow, and as I type, the shuttle is picking me up in 6.5 hours. Ugh. I really need to go to sleep!

When you hear from me next, I shall be very, very hot. And perhaps under a mosquito net.

Good promise

I've been feeling some emotional/spiritual turmoil lately. I can't figure out what direction God wants my life to go in - what choices He wants me to make. I do trust that His way is good, but I don't feel like I can hear what way that is. Honestly, I'm frustrated. I don't feel like this is something that will work itself out over time - I feel like there are some finite decisions that need to be made.

I had been reminding myself that if I draw near to God, and listen for His voice, He will guide me. But as we are in holy week, I've been reading so many passages of times that Jesus spoke to the disciples and they didn't hear him; He walked with them and they didn't see Him. What if He is directing me and I can't hear Him?

But, alas, our God has a funny sense of humor.

I was reminded today by my boss of our scripture verse for the year (my Christian workplace has a verse every year). It's a promise for me at this time:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you. Psalm 32:8

I've actually had this verse on a card in the back of my Bible since October and just never look at it. It's painfully applicable today. What a promise. What a promise that God knew I would need in April.

I may not hear His voice today, but I know He will (eventually) instruct, teach, and counsel me. Best of all, His eye is upon me.

A sign of aging

I've fully entered a phase in my life - a phase that doesn't end (I think) until I die. It is the phase of realizing the symptoms of getting older.

Tonight I went to bed, and could not sleep. I prayed. I just lay there. And some more. And yet, some more. I finally decided to get up and play on the computer - may as well.

And today I unhappily ask myself...since WHEN am I not able to sleep after drinking a latte at 6:00pm? Since WHEN do I need to get de-caff after some unknown time in the afternoon? WHEN did this happen to me??

So today I join all the old people for whom PM equates with de-caff. Tomorrow (or rather, today, since it's after midnight), I will also look more aged too, since I am most assuredly not getting the amount of beauty sleep this old lady needs!

Sleeping Pill of Suburbia

I'm a Jacob. I wrestle with God continually, and while I sometimes pray that He would just break my hip and be done with it, I am thankful that He is patient with this child. It is a joy to know that He loves me personally enough to bother with me. I'm sure I exasperate my Father regularly.

Often, this blog is used for the outworking of that wrestling. If you a reader, thanks for your patience. I'm sure you sometimes get exasperated with me too! Please just know that my thoughts are barely half-baked when I post them here. The writing exercise itself is therapeutic.

Frequently, my pastor admonishes the congregation to fight to wake-up because we are completely and totally surrounded by the sleeping pill that is suburbia. We might live here, but we need to fight at not being sucked in. It's so easy to be comfortable, and then just desire comfort. To be safe, and then desire safety. To be surrounded by beauty, and then require it. Don't take the sleeping pill that is suburbia. You can live there, but we need to wake up. Be in the world, but not of it.

I've gone through such range of emotions during the last year regarding children. You can read back to past posts about how I've been a crazed, alien-woman with babies on the brain. Over the last several years, "baby brain" has been my typical state of existence. So, when I tell you that I have been wondering the last couple of days if hubs and I are meant to have children, you can be as shocked as I was. Today I realized that I definitely do want a family, but that I'm so totally scared to take that step. Who am I? Who took over my brain? This certainly can't be the same woman as before. Seriously - where did Hormona go? Oh, doesn't God have a funny sense of humor?

The way that hubs and I stay awake and fight the suburban sleeping pill, is through my work...focused on serving the poor around the world. I know God placed me where I'm at at work, and I'm honored to be doing what I do. But, I know that when we have kids I will be a full-time mom, and that part of my life will go away. I'm so afraid that the moment we have kids we will simultaneously be taking the suburban sleeping pill and I will wake up 20 or 30 years later with polite, Godly children (Lord-willing), but personally feel distant from God, and not serving at all. I've seen it happen. It's too easy to get sucked into all the decisions (nursery decoration, feeding schedules, discipline methods, school choices, etc.), convince that your full ministry is your children (not that it isn't a ministry because it is)...that your purpose IS your children, and you become self-focused or child-focused, and not God-focused.

I've seen so many people who become convicted that they need to be serving, so they do more in the church. Great. We are a unique family ordained by God and we ought to serve each other. However, this isn't enough for me. I think the church can take the suburban sleeping pill too. So many ministries are good, loving, and kind...but they are all about making sure that we suburban-sleepers maintain our desired levels of comfort, safety, and beauty. There are ministries in the church that make the church become inwardly focused as we focus on improving or maintaining our own life, by the world's standards. Don't get me wrong, so many of these ministries are loving, great things we can do for one another. It is good to serve one another. But it's not enough to ward off the sleeping pill...it's just a Christian sleeping pill.

Also, I will add that this isn't about pride with MY job or MY career. I'm beyond that...I get that I have nothing to do with my job. I really don't know how I ended up doing what I did; I know it's all God.

I don't know what to do to ensure that babies don't equal sleeping pill; we'll be giving up our current wake up call. I'm scared though. I don't have any happy thoughts to end this with, or any nice reflections that will wrap this up well. Just my heart on my sleeve...or keyboard.