at home

Well, we are snowed in this morning. It doesn't take much around here...the snow isn't the problem - it's the hills and the ice. Especially this time - our roads are mainly packed with hail, not snow...and hail is basically just little ice balls. It's so slippery out - very scary. I was working from home today anyway, but hubs decided to as well. I made us whole wheat pancakes and eggs - that were actually really yummy. I typically don't like pancakes - and haven't made them for him in years and years (I think I have maybe only ever made pancakes once), but these were pretty darn good. The recipe is in the current Cooking Light magazine.

Now we're trying to decide about our day... at some point in the next few days, it would be nice to go grocery shopping. I've got meat to last a long time in the freezer, but could use some milk and produce. We also have a rental property - we were supposed to go down tonight (an hour or so away...in good traffic) and switch keys from the old tenant to the new people. That will be all but impossible to get to today. AND...we're signing on our new house tomorrow and need to have a cashier's check for closing. The bank is not easy to get to. Ugh. Oh how I wish we could just stay in by the fire. At least if we HAVE to go out, perhaps it can allow for a trip to Starbucks or Tully's. Yum.

I still would love any tips or recipes for freezing meals. See this post about it. Thanks!!!

Need something new

I've been struggling lately to keep a good schedule for my home-tasks and get things done. The next month is going to be even more challenging - we're moving, preparing our home for sale, and enjoying all of the Christmas festivities.

I need to make a few changes...I've got a few ideas but would love any that you have too.

• I'm going to start (well, I started, but then stopped. I'm going to start being consistent!) making a daily schedule the day before of what needs to be done at what time and what chores I need to do. I sort of get stuck during the day and need a prepared schedule to get me on track.
• I'm going to change my work schedule so that I'm working a bit longer, but only four days a week....well, as much as I can do this. I was going to take tomorrow "off" but then two meetings came up that I need to have, so I'll at least take the afternoon off. I think this will help to have a long bit of dedicated home time, especially with the moving and house projects that need to be done.
• I'd like to start making more freeze-ahead meals. Crock-pot meals too, but I think freezing ahead will help the most. Crock-pot meals are great too, but they make so much left overs - that's hard. If anyone has some favorite freeze-ahead recipes or tips on doing this, feel free to send them my way! I found this website today (http://www.momsbudget.com/freezerrecipes/index.html) that I think will help, but I'd like more!
• Finally, a friend of mine had a fantastic idea of helping each other clean our houses for an hour or two each week - alternating weeks/houses. I think this is great and I LOVE that I have a friend who thinks like me and actually wants to do this. We'll hopefully start next week or the week after.

Seriously... I'd love tips on freezing meals ahead. Favorite recipes? Tips you've figured out? What types of foods freeze well and which ones don't? What containers work best? I'd be fine w/ freezing them in aluminum pans and re-using them, but what do you do for a lid...since they don't come with a lid? Do you just put foil on top and then put the next tin on that? I'm confused. I do need help though... HELP!!!

- kel, in the snow and hail. (BTW - I'm such a grouch. I asked two kids today to stop playing in the snow in our yard. I don't mind if they are in our yard by the street, but they were up right by my house, which was freaking my dog out. Mainly though I was just irritated that they were messing up my pretty snow!)

Winter wonderland forming

It is snowing, and it is beautiful. The world seems to slow down when it snows. I live in the pacific northwest, where snow is a treat. We don't get much and it doesn't stay long. It's only been snowing for about 10 minutes, but is actually starting to stick to the grass, so that's pretty cool. Often it will snow without sticking.

My dog - attacking the snow:

happy birthday baby

I'd like to welcome my new niece into this big world.
Happy Birthday!

She was born yesterday morning... very, very early in the morning. My sister has been blessed with the ability to have babies very, very quickly. For this dear one, my sister was only at the hospital for 45 minutes before they got to hold her in their own arms.

I'm a very proud aunt indeed!

WFMW - Christmas #2

Is it bad to have two Works for me Wednesday postings? I hope not! I just thought of another things I'd like to share.


This is a tip that I've thought of but have never actually done. If it sounds interesting to you, and you do it, would you write me back and let me know how it went?


No matter how much I try to keep Christmas focused on Christ, and keep it a peaceful family time, I'm always a little saddened during the gift-opening time. It goes by so quickly and it's just about what am I going to get next.


I think it would be fun to open presents in a way (this would work for birthdays too) where the focus is on the giver instead of the recipient. Currently, we go in a circle of recipients - when it's your turn, you get to open a present. Instead, I think it would be fun to go in a circle and each person gets to give one of their presents to someone else. They could say who it's for, and why they thought of them, and personally give them their gift. To say, "I knew this would make you smile, so I shopped for months to find one" sounds so much sweeter than just picking the next present from under the tree.


I've heard of people doing something similar to this for kids birthday parties where the birthday child sits in a special chair to open their present, and the friends take turns sitting in a chair right next to the birthday child. Each friend gets to personally give their gift, the birthday child gets to say thank you, and it's easier to take pictures.


Anyway, I haven't done this yet, but I would love to change the focus from gift-getting to gift-giving.


- kel

Works for me Wednesday - Christmas!

I don't have any one big tip to share, so I thought I'd just offer up a few things I've done that worked pretty well for me.

• Cheap decoration: holly! My mother-in-law has a huge holly bush in her yard. When we were first married, I found that holly clippings on the mantle were the best Christmas decoration, and free!
• Christ in Christmas: I often don't have gifts wrapped until pretty close before Christmas (I buy them earlier, but don't get around to wrapping). I bought a small nativity scene (one where all the pieces are connected) and put it under the tree. It is a good reminder that Jesus is the REAL gift... and it doesn't look so sad to have a gift-less tree.
• Family time: The first year hubs and I were married, we had been asked to do a Christmas morning breakfast with hubs' family, and we had Christmas evening plans with my family (they live an hour apart). We aren't morning people anyday of the year, let alone Christmas morning! It was horrible to have to open our stockings quickly and hurry though our first Christmas morning. No more. We decided it was important to have time for OUR family (no matter how small our family is at the moment). I have also realized that "Christmas to me" is NOT driving around to lots of places. When I was little, we often lived far away from our extended family. Therefore, we stayed home. Christmas was a very quiet, private time. Sometimes we had a family member visit us, but they just stayed with us the whole time. I hate driving around a lot and being super busy on Christmas day. We decided that hubs' family gets Christmas eve, OUR time is Christmas morning, and my family gets Christmas night.

Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas is coming

Our family Christmas picture from 2004. We had JUST moved into our new house; the only thing moved in was the tree. Literally - we had it up at the last place for a family Christmas party, took down the tree, moved it, and set it back up. We adopted our dog just a couple days before this picture was taken. This was probably her first Christmas picture ever! I am currently unable to find any Christmas pictures from last year and I'm very nervous about that!

Christmas is coming, and I am so excited. In my world right now, I'm just sort of skipping over Thanksgiving this year. Don't get me wrong - I love Thanksgiving. I almost went to a college very far away, and one of my reasons for staying local was because of not wanting to miss Thanksgiving with my family. I have a big extended family (6 grandparents, my mom was one of 4 kids, my dad was one of 5), and I LOVE big family gatherings. I love all my cousins. Love it, love it, love it. I actually am very sad that my kids won't be able to enjoy the big family gatherings that I have. I have one sister and hubs has one brother. At most, my kids will have 2 aunts and 2 uncles. That is so weird to me.

Last year, I hosted my first Thanksgiving. It was just for hubs' immediate family, so there were 5 of us (hubs' brother isn't married yet...we're praying... my kids will need all the aunts and uncles they can get). I loved hosting and thanks to all my spreadsheets and planning, I think I actually did a pretty good job on the food, and getting it all ready on time. I love Thanksgiving.

This year, we are moving between December 5-10... that whole week. Well, we won't have a truck until the 9th/10th, but I refuse to let my new house sit empty from the 5th-9th. As soon as we have the keys, I'm in! So, with that timing, my mind has just sped through Thanksgiving, plowed right over it, has gone straight to planning for the move, and Christmas in our new home. I will thoroughly enjoy Thanksgiving at our parents' homes this year.

So...my head is all into Christmas. As much as I love Thanksgiving, I ADORE Christmas. Not only are we dealing with the move this year, but this is the first time I'm really trying to hold to a Christmas budget and tighten this belt a little this year.

I need ideas! I need ideas for decorating our new house, for semi-homemade gift ideas that are still nice, and ideas for just ushering the Christmas spirit into our home.

• I can't list my gift ideas here, incase the recipient sees this.
• We celebrate Advent and have an advent wreath that I made last year - we
  will celebrate Advent every night. (I made an advent wreath for my sister too for her gift last year - she loved it.)
• I have been thinking (today) about hosting a cookie exchange and cookie decorating party at our house for friends.

Any decorating ideas? Gift ideas? Does anybody still go Christmas caroling?

Merry Christmas!

- kel

State of Emergency

I live in the Seattle area where we often enjoy rainy days. Well, I don't know that we enjoy them, but we have lots of them anyway. The last week or so, we have received RAIN. Not our normal "scattered showers" but a continual and constant deluge. We received as much rain a couple days than we normally receive all of November...and then it just continued raining. We had urban flooding, and then as the week progressed, we have had a couple days of serious river flooding. Thousands have had to evacuate their homes and there is a state of emergency declared in 18 counties.

I personally drove through two massive puddles (in a very small car) that covered the road and splashed up onto the hood of my car (going 2 mph). My husband was NOT pleased to hear this (although, in my defense, I did have some very good logical reasoning for doing it! Best of all, I had a few very good minutes of prayer!) and asked me to never do it again.... not for my safety though. He cringed at the thought of our mini cooper being towed away. Oh, I must have been a sight! =)

This morning as the night turned into day, I realized that it was NOT raining and (gasp!) it was SUNNY outside! I ditched my gym plans for a good, long walk outside with the pooch. Sunshine! I was so excited!

During the walk, went went up a hill on a street of very pretty, rather hoity-toity houses. They had their sprinklers on.

Lovely.

An update

Just an update...

The house plans continue. The inspection went generally well. Hubs and I got our head around all the financing options and decided that we are comfortable with it all and we ARE buying this house. Hurray!

I really, really want a piano in the front room. I only barely play the piano (one year of lessons in the 4th grade and choir all through high school) but I'd really like to learn. I do have "how to play the piano" book for adults and a book of hymns for beginners. Every year for Christmas, hubs and I buy each other a smallish gift, and then we get to pick out a bigger present for ourselves (and still open it on Christmas day). Anyway, there is a beautiful piano on crackles for $175 that I want SO badly for Christmas. Hubs is a little hung up on how we would get it and where we would put it for now. I don't really care - it's only $175 and pretty! We'll see. I'm betting that it won't be mine. =( What if I promised to learn to play a Christmas carol by Christmas day. Do you think that would help?

THE house - Gratitude

Well Kim & MomRN, ask and you shall receive: an update on THE house. (BTW - I LOVE getting comments. So fun!)

We made our offer, the seller countered the offer. They didn't change the price, just a few clarifications of details and bumped the closing date back by 5 days. Obviously, we accepted the counter as quickly as we could.

So...unless we find some unforeseen problem, this house is ours if we want it. We do have a couple easy outs still if we change our mind, but I think we'd have to find a really, REALLY big problem for that to occur. The inspection is Monday at 11:30 - please continue to pray that this would go smoothly.

Above all, this discovery and process has made me just extremely grateful to God. Not only for the financial blessing that allows us to get a bigger home - that's a given. You know the verse that talks about how God knit us together in the womb.... He personally creates each person and decides who they should be, what they should look like, what their personality should be like. I feel like He has done that with this house - he made it exactly what it is, and then brought it to us as a gift.

It's like... well, you know how in "Miracle on 34th Street" the little girl is dreaming of a house for her family, and then Santa gives her a house and it is exactly what she's been dreaming of? I feel like that. It's not just that He's blessing us with a house that we love and can (miraculously, and by His great blessing) afford, but he put things together in it so that it is exactly what I want. Some things in it are special gifts...things I've had secret desires for, but assumed I would never have...or would have to remodel to get, or would have to pick some (but not all) from my list of wants.

For example... Two months ago I realized that I would like a bay window above the sink when we remodel our kitchen. This house has that. It's very big, but not monstrous (it's about 2500 square feet, which is twice this size of my current house (and exactly the size I would like). It also has a 1000 sq ft deck.), and the rooms that I want the space in are all spacious. The kitchen is funky (but very nice) - decorated in a way I love, and in a way most people wouldn't do. It has two self-cleaning ovens. The laundry area has room for a laundry sink. It is next to a drainage pond (no future building), and has a view of trees in the distance in the back (a protected county park). For heaven's sakes - it has AIR CONDITIONING.

I feel like God knew all of the things in a house that would bring me joy, put them ALL together in this house, put the timing together, made it sunny last Sunday, prompted hubs and I to go for a walk in that direction (we really debated if we should turn left or not, and thank goodness we did!), and prompted hubs to let me go in the open houses (while he waited outside with the dog). I can just imagine God smiling as I toured the house he prepared just for me.

Our God is such a personal God who loves giving gifts to His children. I am so grateful. I wish, more than anything, that my heavenly Father were here for me to give Him a hug and thank Him. I suppose that my best response is just to make sure He is invited and present in my home every single day. He gave it to us, afterall.

OUR House - Part 1

The offer has been made and we'll hear back around 10 am, or sooner. Oh-my-gosh. Now to figure out exactly how we'll be paying for this... we're meeting with two different mortgage/finance people today. So far I'm extremely unimpressed with their creativity. Our situation is not standard... we have a lot of different options, which is GREAT, but just not simple.

More to come. Hopefully, lots more.

OUR house - part 0.6

We met a realtor last night at OUR house so we could look around and find out everything we didn't like about it. We love it even more.

There are a few super cool things that I didn't realize the first time I saw it. It has air conditioning. HELLO!! AIR CONDITIONING. For my bloggy friends in other parts of the country, very few homes in the Seattle area have air conditioning. Some people are starting to get them, but for years and years they were non-existent. For most the year they are just not needed. But, for 2-8 weeks in the summer, it can be so hot - you just can't sleep at night. During those sleep deprived weeks, an air conditioner sounds really, really nice. I never thought I'd have a home with air conditioning.

Of course, the ovens (2!) are self-cleaning, which isn't so rare, but I've never been blessed with one. I've had fantasies about self-cleaning ovens. There is a security system, which is a nice luxury, a spot by the washer and dryer to put a laundry sink (there isn't a sink there yet, but I'm happy that there is a place for one), a huge crawl space (we in the northwest don't usually have basements) with tons of storage, and on and on and on. There is a room next to the master bedroom that connects with a door in between, so it would make a great nursery or office.

Outside, the paint color must MUST be changed (who loves the color of puke?) and the tree that was originally planted years ago is now way too big for its space - it needs to go away. Those are the only two "change now" things. There isn't anything inside that has to get fixed or changed immediately. Nothing - we love it. There are a couple things we can envision doing someday when we're ready for a project. The master bath could be updated, the fireplace could be upgraded, etc. For both of those, nothing is WRONG with them, they just aren't as cool as the rest of the house.

So... we're getting pre-approved this morning, and making an offer this afternoon. Please continue to pray for us!

The story of OUR house - Part 0.5

Ok. Tonight we are meeting with the realtor to go see this house so we can get a better look at it and decide if we really love it as much as we think we love it. She called the owner and it is, in fact, still available. (Of course it is... because it's meant to be mine, and so of course it's still available.)

I.Am.So.Excited.I.Am.Going.Crazy.

What to do, what to do...

What do you do when you are innocently going for a walk on a Sunday, totally minding your own business, and stop in at an open house (because who doesn't love seeing the inside of other people's houses without having to explain yourself??), and fall in love with the house? When you weren't planning on moving yet, when it's a ton of money, but it's where you want to raise babies and live there for a long, long time, and you can envision big Christmas celebrations with the whole family, and quiet Christmas mornings with your small family, and summer BBQs, and kids playing the piano while you make dinner.

What do you do if someone else, someone WRONG, is buying your perfect house this very moment since you have not yet decided what to do?

Ugh.

(Ok, I know that if this is the house God wants for us, then of course, it will work out. I'm just still working on sitting still and waiting, and it is a HARD thing to learn...)

Day Three - Got the Low-Sugar-Grumpies

Today hubs and I have both been tired, irritable, and just generally grumpy. It's sad - today is a BEAUTIFUL northwest October Saturday. Unfortunately, our attitudes don't match. We keep apologizing and trying to start off on a better foot, but just cannot get over it.

The only thing I can think of is that today is day three of the S Beach diet and we are having a massive sugar crash. To make matters worse... normally, if we were having a bit of a grumpy day, I would appease myself with chocolate, cookies, ice cream, etc. and it would be all better. I think we're just getting grumpier as we realize that there will not be any food that will make us feel better now. Enter temper tantrum. Grrr. We aren't having real tangible cravings, but I can sure tell in our attitude.

We are going to a dinner party tonight, which was a little concerning given our lack of energy and excitement. I think we'll head out a bit early, go get sugar-free non-fat lattes a local coffee house and read or something. This will be fun, relaxing, feel like a food "treat" and most importantly, provide some much, much needed caffeine.

Lunch - Day one

Lunch - day one at the beach.

If nothing else, it's very pretty. Thankfully, it tasted super yummy too.

Christian Pumpkins

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff--

including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.

Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you

to shine for all the world to see.

(Source unnknown)

Going to the beach

Tomorrow starts a new way of eating - hubs and I are starting the south beach diet... well, I am anyway, we'll see how long hubs stays committed. I think he's really doing it so I don't have to go way out of my way to make him different food. I've got a bit of extra fluff that I'd like to remove, and I'm really excited about this plan. It sounds so...reasonable.

I know it will be hard though, especially at first. It will keep me disciplined to cooking healthy meals, and extra planning. I've gotten into a lunchtime rut of PB&J, and now I'll have to prepare real food, which will be good but challenging. Today's grocery bill was a bit shocking (ok, a lot shocking) as I totally over-bought groceries to make up for the looming fear of being hungry and not having any snack food to eat. So, I bought food for a month (perhaps a slight exaggeration). In coming weeks, I'll need to figure how to plan good SBD meals that work economically too. It will come... in time. There's a good likelihood that I'll need to buy nothing but produce for a couple weeks anyway. =)

Related but not.... I am completely and totally tired of the red team winning on TBL. They are whiney and mean. The good people should win out in the end, shouldn't they?? I love Bob and the blue team - go blue!

Goodbye, oh lovely cookie dough. May you lose all power over me.

(But doesn't it look sooooo good?? Drooling on my keyboard...)

Daytime world lessons

I've been in Daytime World for about a month now. I have been learning a lot about domestic life, balancing schedules, choosing my attitude (it really doesn't glorify God to cook dinner for my family, if I do it with a grumpy, tired attitude), etc. Lately, I find that I'm need to learn more about scheduling, routines, and self-motivation.


I've developed a very bad habit: going back to bed for a bit after hubs leaves in the morning. Terrible, terrible, wasteful habit. I'm just tired and my pillow and blankets sound so good! It's gotten much harder since it's dark out and cold. But - it's so stupid. I've already gotten up and made breakfast. I'm up! It's just hard to stay up. I think I need to start a new habit where I always do SOMETHING else after he goes before building the energy to shower to clean the breakfast dishes. Currently, I don't have the energy for those things, so I go back to bed. Unfortnately, "quick naps" are not in my dictionary... I end up staying in bed for an hour (or more).

I think I will try to go sit by the fire (hearth and mantle still in progress), and read or do my bible study for a little while. I need my cozy "fix" in the morning. Any day now, our new latte machine (I know it's officially an espresso maker, but I want LATTES - that is its purpose of existance) will arrive, and surely a vanilla latte by the fire will help too.

Wake up. Stay awake. Sounds so simple, doesn't it?

For the love of frappacinos

How WEIRD!!! I took this silly little "what kind of coffee are you quiz" and it's uncanny! It's right on! How did it know that I can be childish and over indulgent? I mean, everyone knows I'm sweet and fun loving, but the childish and over indulgent is a secret, isn't it? =)

AND...i LOVE frappacinos (Especially light mocha frappacinos). How did it know that?

You Are a Frappacino

At your best, you are: fun loving, sweet, and modern At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet Your caffeine addiction level: low

http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeeareyouquiz

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

showers of babies

Today was the baby shower to celebrate the coming arrival of my sister's second child, a baby girl.

God created a whole spectrum of colors. Our colorful world is one of my favorite gifts God has give us. I love that He loves beauty. Yet, why is it that when some people have baby girls, the child lives in and surrounded by one color: pink? I think this is strange. I have not noticed this monotone phenomenon with boys, only girls. For little boys, baby clothes are given that are all very manly and scream "little boy". It's very cute. Lots of plaids, sports themes, boats, cars, animals...greens, blues, browns, etc. However, for little girls, it's all pink. Don't get me wrong, I personally enjoy pink (well, hot pink and fuchsia) very, very much. I can be a pretty girly girl sometimes.

I've known several women with baby girls, and it seems that for the entire first year of the baby's life, she is wearing pink every single day. Why do we do this to girls? Why don't we want her in purple, red (come on...what woman doesn't LOVE red??), and feminine clothes in blues and greens?

My niece will be born in November, and since her whole wardrobe for at least the first nine months is PINK PINK PINK, I fear that she will clash with all the Christmas decorations. Come on people... Christmas before baby clothes.

Works for Me Wednesday - Frozen Cookie Dough

Making cookies in my house is a bit of a challenge. It is a challenge to keep from eating too many cookies all of the time because we LOVE cookies. If there is cookie dough in the fridge, I'll eat it, and if there are baked cookies in the cupboard, hubs and I will both eat them. Especially me. I can't NOT eat cookies in my house. Too many cookies! I try to only bake cookies when hubs is craving them (or I would be eating them all the time), but even if I only make a batch of cookies when he is craving them, then I'm still going to eat a full batch of cookies. Freezing the cookies doesn't work because he loves fresh baked cookies. There lies my final problem - he loves FRESH baked cookies. So, I came up with a solution.

When I make cookie dough,

I make it like normal, except I make cookie dough balls and put them on a plastic plate (after baking a few immediately, of course) and put it in the freezer.

In a few hours, or the next day, I transfer all the cookie dough balls into a plastic ziplock bag and store them in the freezer.

Then, whenever hubs wants some fresh baked cookies, rather than feasting on cookie dough and cookies for days, I can just take a couple (really - just two or three - no extra) and bake them real quick. I've found that they really don't take any longer to bake (maybe just one minute or so... depending on your recipe) than fresh dough, since butter doesn't really freeze hard.

Yum.

Food and Fireplaces

I can't believe it's been about a week since my last post. Time sure flies...

I don't have any big revelations to discuss. I've just been busy busy busy. Sometimes I get so busy just doing things that I don't have time to reflect on them. Lately, there has been a lot going on, and I have snippets of reflections about it all, but not quite enough that I think it's worthy of a blog post.

My dad is staying with us for a week while he takes a training class. I am so thankful that this came up after my job/life change. The stress of having a house guest for a week would have been far too overwhelming before. We never used to cook dinner at home... we could have done it for a night or two. But that's it. I would have felt pressure to cook for dad (who is not accustomed to eating out so much) and it would have been very, very hard. I'm so thankful that it's not a huge hurdle for me to cook breakfast and dinner each day. I sort of feel like this this my homemaking pop-quiz from my parents. How did I turn out? Can I cook? Can I keep a clean house? So far, I think I'm doing pretty good... and I think the food has even impressed my dad. Phew! It helps that I make breakfast for hubs each day - dad was pretty impressed by that. I am still getting used to feeding two men. I thought dinner tonight would make leftovers for dinner tomorrow; it did not. It made enough for a lunch for hubs, but I'm going to have to come up with a new dinner plan for tomorrow.

He has been helping us (or we've been helping him... that's really more accurate) work on our fireplace while he's here. We put in a gas fireplace a long while ago - and it's been sitting atop a plywood hearth ever since. As I speak, my two men are sawing more wood to build me a real hearth, a real mantle (both made of birch, with a nutmeg stain) and tile surround. I can not wait to have this done. I love having a fireplace and now I will LOVE, LOVE our fireplace. Pictures to come!

Finally, I went to a huge "mothers of multiples" garage sale last weekend. It was huge! And very funny...duplicates of everything. =)

That's all for now... off to play carpenter's assistant for me!

Works for Me Wednesday - Bathroom Organizing

Well, by the time I usually get around to thinking about a "Works For Me Wednesday" post, it's Thursday for most folks, so I decided to post on Tuesday night instead. Now that works for me!

My post this week is about organizing. My bathroom cupboard (under the sink) has been so messy - it drove me crazy! I finally decided to fix it. It was a bit challenging, as the space is so small. Those darn sink pipes just get in the way.

It's all done and I'm so proud of myself. I just love opening the doors and looking at it!

I decided to use the space on the right door for a garbage bag (they sell special garbage containers that attach to a small door) and paper towel holder. I figure it will be easier to wipe down the bathroom and keep it clean if there are paper towels handy. I found plastic bins that can stack up on the left side of the sink pipes. There is also room for extra TP to stack up next to the bins. The right side of the sink pipes is smaller, and I'm just going to keep cleaning supplies stacked up there. I put a self-adhesive hook up on the side wall to keep my rarely-used shower cap (only used after working-out in the evening....which just means that I don't work-out enough).

I don't know why more people don't utilize the space on the door itself. I love it! It works for me!

Puppy Love

I don't have any children yet, but I do have a boxer (Jazzy) who will be 3 years old later this fall. I love her so much! I actually heard her laugh yesterday when we were playing. I have heard of dogs laughing but had never heard her do it. I love that she wants to play with me. I LOVE that I'm home with her now. She and I are good buddies and I'm just totally in love with our pooch at the moment.


This morning, while I was typing away at the computer, I could hear Jazzy crying. I figured she lost a toy under the couch or something. Finally, I walked over to rescue her from her despair. She totally just wanted to play with me. She was laying upside down, looking in my direction, wiggling her little tail, and just wimpering. As I started to crouch down and tickle her, she was so excited and wiggled all over the place.

Jazzy, with a bad case of the up-side-down doggie sillies.

Dinnertime gourmet

Hub's and I had an at-home date last night and it truly was a highlight of success in my new domestic life.

We were at a church conference all day, so although it was long, was a refreshing time of spiritual togetherness. Then came dinner... when I did my grocery shopping earlier in the week, there was a coupon in the paper for $5 of a purchase of $5 or more of steak (a premium line of steak at a local store). I like that kind of math! I bought two cuts of steak that came to about $7... only $2 with the coupon. Hubs grilled the steak, and we enjoyed some red potatoes roasted roasted in dry onion soup mix, sauted zucchini and red onion, and a glass of merlot. We watched a movie, with which we enjoyed single serving containers of Ben & Jerrys' ice cream (each our own favorite flavor) which hubs got on sale a couple weeks ago for $1 each (by the way, those little containers of ice cream are SO cute!).

While all date nights shouldn't center around the food, this one did, and it was delectable. It was better than we could have paid a LOT more for. Success!

Now... if only they would put one of those steak coupons on the paper every week.

New Home

Sunday marked yet another milestone in our life. We finally officially became members of our church. We've been there about a year and a half, have taken the membership class, were interviewed by the elders, then finally had our Sunday where we went up front and were made official. I think joining a church is a little scary, but also an exciting thing to be celebrated.

I didn't grow up as a church member. I was a military kid; we moved frequently. As such, my parents didn't want to become members and affect the church's financial decisions with their voting rights, and then move again 2-3 years later. It didn't stop them from being involved and building bonds. The speed at which they became deeply involved in a new church was amazing. That requires a bravery that I don't have yet. Perhaps it grows from necessity. They led Bible studies, sang in choir, taught Sunday School, led the kids choir, etc. They made an impact. They let themselves be known, knew others, and built relationships for themselves and their two girls. That was a wonderful example for me as to how to dive into a church.

However, one the of scars of my military childhood is that I lean a little too heavily on my autonomy. I lose contact with friends too easily. I say goodbye too easily. I have lots of surface-friends, but struggle to go deep with people. Yet, God calls us to give up our autonomy. We are not singular, we are part of a body. We have no strength or sufficiency in ourselves; we need Him, and on earth, we need His family.

So, this weekend, we made it official. We need to strive to be less autonomous, to be part of this specific church body and be accountable to its leadership. I'm officially a Presbyterian; our church is part of the Presbyterian Church in America. I'm loving our covenant theology and reformed teaching.

This reminds me of when you are in a dating relationship and first say "I love you." It's exciting to know that you are going to develop a more intimate relationship with someone and know each other more deeply than anyone else. But it's scary to open yourself and give of yourself to another. What if you are hurt? What if you regret it? You are passing a threshold. That's where we're at. The Church is God's way of expressing His body on earth and to His children. It is how he works in our world. I know I have nothing to fear. He is the God of peace and this is His house. Church is His plan.

At least if I have to be passing over a threshold, it's straight into the Lord's house!

Daytime World

I have entered a new world, one that I like to call Daytime World.

In Daytime World, there are many more women and elderly couples. I have seen moms with their kids, and the moms actually don't look exhausted. When I go to stores in Daytime World, there is much less tension in the air. People move slower. The customers are friendlier and not so rude. The workers are friendly. They smile, make small-talk, and compliment my purse (no, this was not a man hitting on me). I love worlds where I get purse compliments. The starbucks in my grocery stores gives out free frappacino samples in Daytime World for the women and elderly couples to enjoy. Everything is much more relaxed. There are people in the grocery store behind the meat and bakery counter. They are friendly too, and they come out into the aisle to ask if you need help. Then, if you need help, they actually walk you over to the product you are looking for. Then, and this is really shocking, they SMILE at you and ask if you need anything else. AND it really seems like they are being genuine. This is a really crazy place, and I like it.

In Daytime world, I'm learning a lot of new things, as any recent immigrant would. Now, I haven't been completely undomestic in the past. Not nearly as bad as Samantha, from Sophie Kinsella's The Undomestic Goddess, a book near and dear to my heart (I don't want to be one who doesn't look out the window!). Unlike Samantha, I at least have always had a desire to posses some domestic acumen, and I do have vague recollections of winning blue-ribbons for such efforts during my 4H days. However, my current efforts remind me just how many summers ago that was. The outfit I sewed for the fair and fashion show (a knit fabric, so I made the whole thing with the surger! That's a real promotion in 4H Sewing World.) had a big applique Garfield on the front - it was that many summers ago. This week I jumped two feet first into the domestication swimming pool, and boy am I getting wet! I'm learning lessons that probably sound stupid to someone from another world, yet they are real and true stresses and lessons, none the less.

Lessons for today:

• When menu planning, don't plan three meals in which meat must be purchased. All meats are (generally) purchased in quantities that would feed my small family for several meals, so if I'm also buying several kinds of meat, I've really just bought enough meat for about a month. This is expensive (for the current week) and unnecessary, unless I live in the middle of Montana and have to drive an hour and a half for grocery shopping. I don't live in the middle of Montana and my freezer is tiny. Today I decided that instead of BBQing pork ribs later in the week, we would be just fine BBQing the extra pork chops, chicken, hot dogs, or hamburger that I already have. I really don't need a full butcher shop in my tiny freezer.
• Even if I need to do some of my shopping at Target (where my cereal and face wash are much cheaper), it is worth the extra few minutes of driving to go to the bigger Safeway and fruit stand. I spent 20 extra minutes a the little Safeway looking for things that were in strange places, since it's a small store. The small fruit stand glows red, since it's in a red tent, rather than a building like the big fruit stand. The produce isn't as good either. The efficient driving did NOT make up for the frustration and wasted time.
• Going to Safeway when they are giving away frappacino samples is a very good thing.

My first couple of days has been rather humbling. For some reason, I think many of us expect domestic tasks to be easy. Where did we get that idea? It's not that the tasks themselves are hard, but the coordination is. I'd love to make breakfast for us both, prepare hub's lunch, clean, run, eat my lunch, do chores and errands, get 6 hours of desk work done, and make dinner - ready at 5:45. Somehow, this doesn't all fit into my day. I will get faster, and learn to be more efficient, but I still don't think it will ALL fit in. That's ok. Except for the desk work, all the rest of it is 100% more than I was doing before. The hardest part of the coordination, as many well know, is the magic of getting all the dinner components ready at the same time. That's really a trick.

Yesterday, hubs got home from work, and we sat down for dinner. He looked at his watch and just grinned at me. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, or if he was teasing me - why. He just smiled at said, "It's 6:10." Just smiled. Then it dawned on me. I don't think we have ever, EVER, been eating dinner (that we cooked, on a week night) that early. Ever. It was still nice and warm out. Still sunny. We had a nice dinner and then had to talk about what we wanted to do with our evening. Normally, if we actually made dinner at home, we wouldn't finish until 8:30, and then would still need to clean up. Not much evening left, and we'd be exhausted. Not last night. We still had several hours (I can't believe it - HOURS) of evening left and we both had lots of energy.

We really like this world. I think I'll stay.

New Day

Well, it is here. Today begins a new phase in my life. A new job, and acceptance of a job I haven't been doing well. This has been a long time coming.

I remember crying to my husband, waiting in the ferry line, about 13 months ago. I was dreading going back to work; work was overwhelming to me, especially when also trying to do anything at home. The home stuff always lost. I had realized recently that our marriage (and my assumption was that it was true of most marriages, although highly controversial) would theoretically work better if I were a home-maker. This was all in theory - I wasn't asking to quit. I saw it as a wife's gift to her husband. She (meaning I) would manage our home, feed the family nutritious meals, manage the budget... which would mean that in their time together she would not be in an overwhelmed coma, would not be choosing between cleaning and fun, would not be eating out. The home-time could be filled with relationship building chosen activities. It sounded peaceful to me. That would be the wife's gift to the husband - making it so that when they were together, they could actually do things together and be happy. It was my vision.

Back to my car in the ferry line... Unfortunately, husband had never heard of a stay-at-home wife, without kids. He knows lots of stay-at-home moms, but none without kids. He had never heard of it. He thought it was weird and that others would think it was weird. He didn't understand my vision (before explanation of the vision). I was crushed that he didn't immediately value what I valued. To me, it's not about being home to raise kids. It's about being home to manage the home, and care for all that goes through it's doors. Even once we have kids, I would want to take care of the kids and home-things during the day for HIM so that when he gets home from work, we can enjoy each other as a family and do family-things, rather than chores and errands. To me, it's a needed and valued arrangement with and without kids. I cried because of his rejection, not because of the pending Monday.

That was 13 very long months ago. God has been gracious and loving this year, as always, of course. He's given me clarity. He's brought husband a long way and given him and open mind... and He's been so gracious and gentle in this journey.

After a journey of learning last year, I learned that I have not been in obedience to God's plan for me. God has given me a job to do: to manage my home and be a support to my husband. Of course, this doesn't mean I can't work elsewhere, but this must be secondary. While I've been very successful at work, I've been completely failing at the two things God HAS given me to do. Thankfully, He brought husband to a place this year where he could see this and appreciate it. Husband has been wonderful. We agreed we needed to change something. Since there aren't kids at home, I really don't need to be home full-time, just at home more. We decided I needed to change to a part-time job, even if it meant losing my job in the meantime.

While God doesn't promise material blessing, and we certainly not counting on it, we WERE overwhelmed with God's blessings upon us. Abundance.

Starting today, I have a new job. FIRST, my job is to manage my home and support my husband. SECONDLY, I work part-time (30 hrs a week) from home (go to the cubicles about 1 day a week), doing analysis/marketing strategy for the non-profit I've been working for. Even better, I start my new job with a holiday where I'll be with my husband all day. Fitting. =)

Today I am going to go jogging, buy groceries to start making lunches at home, and then we are going for a hike, then eating dinner at home.

So, today - more than any other day so far, my blog name is really appropriate. Today is a new day. It will be hard; I've seen that and anticipating more of it. It's a lot of change. I'm changing to something I want and know is right, but something I really don't know how to do. I have to learn to make dinner now?!?! Every night. Eek! BUT... I know that God will carry me through this because it is HIS plan, not mine.

This is the day that the Lord has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118: 24

The bloggy word cloud

An overview of my blog... interesting to see what words it found repeated a lot. Is it bad that the word "like" was highlighted? Bad habits revealed. (Thanks to Snapshirts.com)

Flawed logic seeping through

I had a little conversation with a woman in my bible study the other day. While I'm quite sure she doesn't adhere to prosperity gospel, it must be in her background somewhere... every so often I hear it seeping through.

We have both taken up jogging and are both training for our first half marathon. We discussed how we are having to be more careful now that we are needing to do longer training runs, and it's getting darker earlier.

Paraphrased conversation:
Me: It's getting harder to plan for the long runs now that it's getting dark earlier...

Friend: Yeah... I went the other day and it was getting dark...I almost tripped on the sidewalk...

Me: I know - we timed the daylight wrong the other day. I ended up running in a pitch black forest. When my husband met me that the end, I was sobbing. It was so scary!

Friend: Yeah, although I need to remember that God will protect me, so I'll be fine.

Me: (Laughing gasp!) Only in heaven! You'll be protected eternally, but you aren't protected on earth!

Friend: Hmmm... I suppose that's true (laugh)....


I know she doesn't hold to a prosperity gospel and doesn't truly believe that God will prevent suffering. However, it's obvious that it was somewhere in her background and it comes seeping out every now and then.

It makes me wonder what is deep rooted in my belief system. He has shown me some wrong thinking I've had - He has been digging it out the last couple years. I wonder what He will reveal to me this year. I want all of that false logic gone!

Starting soon!

I'm SO excited! My bible study is about to start again for the year (ok...really, in another 2.5 weeks...but soon!) and I CANNOT WAIT (yep, I'm yelling). I just called all the ladies in my group to see if they will be attending and got ahold of 8 and need to call 4 of them back. Every single one I got ahold of said YES. I can't wait!

We are going to cover Romans this year and I'm very excited. I'm sure it will be a great study. I'm so excited to get back to my homiletics assignments, the lectures, and the good friends. I love it, love it, love it!

joy

I've been starving.

My husband is my best friend, and a friend who, like most men, does not have a great need for a multitude of relationships. I love him and I love spending time with him. I get so wrapped up in my husband, our projects, our house, our dog, that I forget how hungry I am for relationship. It isn't until I have a day with a girl friend, or evening with another couple, that my appetite is satiated and I realize how hungry I really was.

Tonight we went to a BBQ with other "young couples" from our church. I had SO much fun! There were a few people I hadn't known at all, and some I've only met a couple times. We had a great time of food, discussion, and husband vs. wives pictionary. Very, very fun, and very filling. You could tell that all the people were starving for conversation. We all longed for relationship so much, that without any planning, we ate dinner at two tables - the men all at one and women at another.

Of course, of all the "young couple," we were the youngest and the only without children. Sigh. I can't wait until that doesn't define our uniqueness. Usually when women find out that I've been married for seven years, AND we don't have children, they just pause, give me a confused expression, and then don't know what to say. I don't blame them. They are probably confused about if they should ask why... is it a medical problem? Do we hate children? Is there a reason? And then they decide it's too personal and they shouldn't ask...but they can't help but wonder.

I've been telling people at work that I'm going to be changing jobs and working at home soon. There are two common questions: 1) Am I pregnant (no), and 2) Do I think I will miss the social aspects of work?

My current life exists within a hampster wheel: Hubs and I work diligently (very focused always, sometimes extra hours), when we are home we are exhausted, we become very insulated and self/home focused and have no time for other people or relationships as we try to self-protect (and marriage-protect) ourselves. So, I have some social contacts at work, but none outside of work because I'm too tired. Weekends are preserved for self-restoration. Self, self, self. Not much relationship there.

People are concerned that I will miss the socialization of work after I start working from home. But... I think we've got it all backwards. I want to work diligently, get my work done, then have time/energy to be social in the evenings. I want to be confident enough in my cooking and cleaning ability to have friends over for dinner frequently. I want to get chores done during the week, so that we can easily make plans with other people on a Saturday, rather than retreating to our insulated cocoon.

Why should I rely on socialization and work, but neglect it in the rest of my life? Shouldn't it be the other way around? It's even more odd when you consider that you don't choose your co-workers, but do choose your friends. So, in the current pattern, I'm building relationship with people that I may not choose otherwise. They are convenient relationships. Yet, in effect, I'm choosing the convenient relationships only at the neglect of my non-work friends. (For my work friends who may be reading this... I do choose you, and love you dearly! I want you to be a non-work friend too!)

There was one couple in particular, the one who hosted the BBQ, that I really enjoyed and would love to get to know further. Maybe one evening, when we have food, clean house, and energy, we will have them over for dinner. Thankfully, maybe "some day" won't be so far away.

Door Update

Well, we hit a snag already. With our one hour of daylight we wanted to work on priming and painting. Turns out you have to hang the door, take off the door, paint the door, then put it back on. Oh well... in the dining room it shall sleep.



Instead, we shall work on putting together my new desk from Ikea. I can't wait until I have a bit more desk space here. Also, we went on a little Fry's shopping spree last night. So fun! We bought a snazzy all-in-one printer (copy, scan, print), that was essentially $29, since it has a rebate and comes w/ $50 worth of ink.

I also got a super snazzy wireless keyboard and mouse. They came with a poem...that went something like this:

New Toys

I got a neat keyboard and mouse

They have laserbeams

That will get you

When you look at them

With envy

Ok, really I was being a dork and just wrote that little ditty on one of the demo computers at Fry's and then laughed for a long time because I thought I was so stikin' funny.

When my new office space is all setup, laser beams included, I shall post a picture.

Toodles,

kel.

Dare to Door

When we bought our house, we couldn't afford much, thanks to the THRIVING Seattle housing market. We bought based on location and potential. I'm pretty picky about decor, so I really don't want to pay for decor twice - once for when it was done originally, and once for us to re-do it. We bought a house that needed some fixing up, but was priced for it, rather than a house that was priced as a nice house, but was still going to need to be "fixed" for my tastes. It is a 1960 modest little house that is slowly being remodeled room by room....by two people who have no idea how to do home re-modeling. Learning comes with frugality.

Our challenge is that this isn't our "forever" house. We want to put things in it that are nice, are value-add to the over-all new style, but are also modest. We don't want to fill it up with the top end of anything, not when a middle-ground product will look just as nice and work just a well. We aren't going to the bottom, but trying to pick a middle ground. I've read so many articles about how expensive re-modeling is, and I'm daring to prove them wrong.

This weekend we are putting in a new front door - we just brought it home from Home Depot. The front door market is a bit depressing. There are a few basic doors that they order in quantity that are a reasonable price. Any other door (even if it's no more fancy or complicated), must be custom ordered and are at least twice the price. We picked one out that was in stock, but a little fancy. It has a window at the top with leaded glass in a nice, traditional but not too froofy, design. So, not a plain six panel door, but not custom ordered. End result? $249.

This choice was a little bitter sweet. We were glad to not pay $500 for the door we really loved(different design in the window), but a little bummed because the glass design is really not one that we preferred. It's a little more wavy (I'd prefer geometric straight lines) than we'd really like. However, it's not BAD...just a hint of traditional. It doesn't 100% match our house's style (pretty modern), but oh well. We were not going to pay $500 for a door. It's a door. No one will think this door is bad, in fact, I bet most will like it. We decided we'd rather save a couple hundred dollars than LOVE our door, and I'm glad we made that choice.

If we valued the LOVE of all items in our home more than we valued frugality and middle-ground purchases, then I wouldn't be able to remodel our home at all. Besides, I'm saving my "I don't care what it costs, I have to have THAT one!" card for the refrigerator when we re-do the kitchen. I will happily compromise on every other purchase.

And now... off to learn how to install a new front door.

Works For Me Wednesday

I enjoy reading all the Wednesday tips on Shannon's blog and today I thought I'd add my own. It's my very first WFMW!


My tip is about salad. I love salad, but only if I have a large variety of ingredients and they are all fresh and crunchy. Hubs will tolerate salad, but will eat very, very few ingredients. I hate left over salad that is already all mixed up. Some ingredients go bad faster than others, then you have to toss the whole thing. I used to not prepare salads at all. It just seemed like they went bad too fast, for just the two of us.

Then I changed how I make salads and the new system works really well. First, I make a big bowl of lettuce. I prefer a mix of romaine and spinach, but will sometimes add other baby greens. I can just pick and choose what looks good and is on sale and mix it up at home. In the TW bowl I keep it in, it actually stays fresh for a very long time, much longer than if it were stored in the bag or with other ingredients.

Then I pre-chop all the other ingredients and put them in individual containers, even the little ziplock/glad containers work well for this. I like to have a large variety: olives, bell pepper, carrots, broccoli, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes, etc. There are only 4 containers shown above, but sometimes there are more.

When we make dinner, there is no extra time spent making salad - it's all already in the fridge. I just get out all the bowls and we each get to make the salad we want, and if one ingredient is looking a little suspicious, you can toss it without tossing all of it. Recently we went to some friends' house for dinner; they asked us to bring the salad. My containers were still pretty full so I just put them all in a bag and headed over. They were so impressed that we all got the salad we wanted, with really gourmet ingredients. When we were done, I packed up my containers, put them back in my fridge, and they still lasted a long time more.

Works for me!

http://rocksinmydryer.typepad.com/shannon/2006/08/works_for_me_yu.html

Thank you, thank you very much!

I must be feeling rather bloggy today - 4 posts in one day! Crazy! Ok, I think it's that I really feel like talking, but hubs doesn't. I think that's because he's super tired because I've been up half the night the last two nights, so he hasn't slept well. Anyway...

I'm super cool. I FINALLY got off my tush and ran. I only went for two miles (thought I'd ease back into it after 11 days off), and I ran really fast for the first mile. I just calculated it and I ran my two miles at a 10.3 minute mile. I think that's a record for me! I can hear the fans cheering! Hurray - go me! For me, that is FAST.

So, today I rock because I went running after I put it off all evening AND I ran super duper fast.

test 2

This isn't working. I want my name changed to just kel. This is the last attempt and then I'm REALLY going to go jog... in the dark now. That's what I get for playing too long. =(

testing

I'm just testing some stuff... this post is completely non-interesting.

Ok... I admit it. I'm playing on my blog instead of jogging. Get off my tush!!! Go run!!!

Frankenstein

Today is the day to start running again. I don't really feel like it right now, but I have to. I HAVE to because something freakish is happening to my body.

I was gone boating last week (9 days) and didn't get to run, I figured I start up again when I got back home and things got back to normal. However, something happened the last two nights that tells me that I have permanently messed up my body, turning it into a running frankenstein. The last two nights, I was tired after work, but as it got later and later, I couldn't sleep at all. Not at all. None. I was just silly and antsy instead. That's not me - I'm the one who falls asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Insomnia is not an option. I'm way tired in the morning, take no naps, but then come sleep time, I just have too much energy inside.

This probably sounds stupid, but it's really a problem! Last night I was fully awake until about 2:30 am, for the second night in a row. I got to read all the back posts from my favorite blogs during vacation, but 6am comes awfully quickly. I noticed this once a few weeks ago when I hadn't gone jogging. My body just had more energy than it was used to and I couldn't sleep, and here it's happening again. It's horrible!

So...tonight I must go jogging. If for no other reason than I want to sleep tonight!

Sleepy,
kel

time to breathe

I feel like I've been holding my breathe.

I've had this ongoing debate about trials, which you can read about in past postings. It's written pretty vaguely - partially for privacy reasons, and at times, partially because it's hard to put things in writing on the internet and have to admit that they really are true. I don't know why clicking the "publish" button makes you admit truth, but it does.

It's time to breathe. In, out...in again. I took a very scary step in my life, one that I have full confidence in. At the same time, I've crossed a line that I can't undo if I wanted.

After much prayer, pastoral counsel, discussion with husband, and complete peace, I realized that I am not in Godly obedience, which leads to much stress and personal trauma. God has given me a job to do - to be a wife/support to my husband and keep our home. Any other job I do in life must be secondary to this job. However, I have not been obedient to this; this doesn't describe my life at all. I work full time (sometimes, full-time plus), and when I come home, I'm hungry and focused on me, my work, and my stress. I desire to be a better wife, but I'm still very focused on ME. My husband has been a great support to me, but I'm not a great support to him. I've come to the conclusion that I need to change things so that I am living in obedience. I finally met with my boss and told her how my life needs to change. I want to work about 30 hours a week, and mostly from home, and I told her my full reason why. I've built up a pretty good reputation at work, which I knew would help me, but I also knew that I work at a place that is historically VERY traditional - there aren't a lot of flexible work arrangements. The day I was meeting with her, my husband called after to see if I still had a job.

God is so good. He always is, and even if I didn't receive earthly blessings, He would be just as good. In this case, I have been blessed (boy, I need another word...I say this too much) to receive piles of earthly blessings, which is a wonderful affirmation to my decision. My meetings have gone wonderfully. My boss, and her boss have both been really supportive and fully understanding. They are working on new opportunities for me.

The hardest thing in all of this has been to tell my boss and her boss about my decision. I was 100% confident of it, but just the act of telling them, and not knowing how they would react, was the worst. I realized that *I* typically don't ever do or say things intentionally that my person in authority won't like. I just don't. When I was little, I would lie to my parents if I knew the real answer wasn't the one they wanted. I never purposed to lie. I didn't want to be a liar. It really wasn't a debate in my head. I just knew what the right answer was, and that was what would come out. In school, I was always a teachers pet. My teachers always liked me. Always. I have been a super star at work. Rather than ever tell my boss that something can't be done, or is too hard, or would take too long, I just figure it out and do it. I suppose that in many ways, that trait has helped me succeed. However, it made this discussion, to tell my boss that I needed to drastically change my life and make their part of it less important, massively painful. But, I did it. Both meetings went great, very affirming. And now I can breathe. I think this was the most relaxing weekend I've had in years.

Now I am going to work on patience for a couple months (while decisions are made and jobs transition). I CAN'T wait to work from home. I started organizing my desk at home this weekend and want nothing more than to be home with my dog tomorrow.

About this weekend... it has been crazy hot. HOT. About 97 degrees hot. In Seattle. I know God created the world and our weather, but does He remember that in Seattle, we do not have air conditioners?? It's HOT. It's 10pm right now and it's finally comfortable (in shorts and a tank top) outside. It hasn't been comfortable since 10 am this morning. It's cute...husband and I are sitting outside (since the house can be about 10 degrees hotter than the outside temp) at our patio table, both on our laptops, drinking a blended limeade/vodka concoction (yum), with a mosquito candle burning. It's all very cute. We had a fantastic day today. We had a BBQ with a couple other couples from our church small group at a local beach park on Lake Washington. We BBQ'd good food and hung out in the lake up to our knees (watched the kids in the group swim), and horribly regretted leaving the bathing suits at home. It was wonderful anyway. It was so much cooler than at home, and it was SO pretty outside. I really wish I was working at home tomorrow so that I could go to the beach mid-day. That beach is only 1o minutes from our house, so I can go all the time if I want. It was great!

Choosing the mood

My night has taken a turn towards yuckiness (really fun mysterious marital spat. I'm honestly not sure why he's mad... but that's a whole other discussion), so I decided I'd post again and think about all the great things that have been happening in my life lately - because there are a lot!

• Biggest recent highlight: the marathon relay was sunday and I completed the 8 mile leg. It's shocking! I'm so proud of myself.
• I got a medal for completing the marathon relay. It's my first medal and I'm so excited!
• I'm being completely brave and have just officially registered to run a half marathon on October. I think I've gone crazy. Who am I? How on earth am I going to do that? I know I finished 8 miles on Sunday, but it just about killed me (well, the first 5 uphill miles... 5-8 were pretty good... but STILL).
• I discovered peppermint tea and have been drinking a ton of it. I just love the idea of drinking tea, it sounds really peaceful, so I'm glad that I found a tea I love. A cup of peppermint tea with a piece of chocolate is a bit too yummy.
• I get to go to church again on Sunday. I miss it! I was gone for 2 sundays on vacation, and then this last sunday was race day. I can't wait to go back! And, in one of the next couple sundays we're going to officially become members of the church. It had to be postponed while husband was traveling and then we were gone.
• I love that I'm excited to go to church. I hope I always love church this much.

Ok... that's it for now. I think I need to go apologize for something. Oh - last great thing: tomorrow is FRIDAY - yahoo!!!!

I'm back!

Hello world...I'm back! I was in Vermont, Plymouth, Boston, Philadelphia, Ocean City, Highland, then Washington DC. And now, home. It was nice to be home again. Isn't it funny how that works?

I think that was a bit too many cities for one trip, especially after having a big city vacation in the spring, but it was still great. I really loved...

• Vermont...it was extremely populated with trees and not people. It was beautiful. I can imagine how amazing it is in the fall, but would also be amazing in the spring and summer. Just hills and hills and more hills filled with trees. They weren't just in protected areas, like they are near my home, they were...Everywhere. People just chose trees (and the maple syrup they make) rather than houses and business parks. I also enjoy the Ben & Jerry's ice cream that is made in Vermont. Turtle Soup is a new favorite.
• Plymouth and it's pilgrim past. While the rock is just a rock, I couldn't help but look around town and be inspired by the pilgrims who landed there. Those who made it not only had to endure the winters, build homes, and grow their food, but the puritans and anglicans had to learn to get along and start a new colony together.
  
• Ocean City and the beach. I LOVE hot, sunny, sandy, beaches. God bless the beach.
• Highland and meeting old family all over again. I got to go visit my old neighbors, including two of the girls who were my age... they became my family when I was a child. It was so cool to see them again. We spent the 4th with them, out in the country, and it was like being with family again. I felt so at home - it was wonderful. Husband and I would love to live out there.

I'm home, and way happy to see my puppy.

fear not

I'm not an overly fearful person, but I am cautious, and do tend to see the potential danger in a situation. I sometimes wonder how I would act in a truly fearful situation. What if something really bad was going to happen to me or my family. Would I stay rational, or completely break down? At the same time, I sometimes wonder if I'll be ok alone. Not that I ever plan on really being alone, but it could happen someday...at least when I'm old. Or even when I'm just alone with kids when husband is a work. I don't do so good alone and I wonder if I will I'll be ok later....especially when you combine the alone thing and the fear thing.

I think I'll be ok though. I've had a few moments when I've been alone and afraid, one was Sunday night, and I think it's really interesting to see how I react. (Be warned: this little story of being alone and afraid is really stupid.)

Since husband is east-coasting it, I had garbage duty on Sunday night. I had been busy and didn't get to it until about 11pm - cold and dark. When I went over to our gate to get the garbage can, I saw that our gate was open. It's still partly under construction, which means that the way we lock it is with a bungee cord on the inside of the framing. I really can't tell how it could come undone - it attaches rather securely to the steel frame. It's pretty impossible to reach in and undo it from the outside - I've tried, and I'm positive it was closed and latched. So, it should not have been unlatched and I have no idea how it happened. I took out the garbage, wondering if there was someone hiding in my shed waiting to kill me. Seriously. As I came back up for the recycling bins, I looked at the big yard waste bin and wondered if there was someone hiding in it waiting to kill me. I could just imagine that as I reached out to grab the big bin, it would be heavy and someone inside would jump out. I would be left for dead in my yard or house. Hopefully, I'd have enough time to scream, and maybe one of my neighbors would come out. I'd have to scream loud. My dog would probably go exploring, since she was outside with me. She'd probably be taken to the pound since I didn't have her collar on. I realized that if she had her collar on, then when someone found her they would bring her home and find me.

I debated if I should leave the yard bin this week, rather than take it down to the street. If I didn't touch it, the killer guy maybe wouldn't jump out at me to kill me. However, I promised that I would take out the garbage, which includes the yard bin - I can't allow a crazy imagination to prevent my rational responsibilities.

So... I, all alone and completely filled with fear, very rationally went inside with the dog to put on her collar, to ensure that my body would be found after I was killed and she ran away. Then, the dog and I went back out to the yard bin, which was empty, and finished with the recycling bins. As I walked them down to the street I was ready to die. I was sure I was going to. I continued on with my chores as I had promised. Somehow, the dog and I made it back inside the fence, re-latched it, made it back in the house, locked the doors behind me, and took her collar back off.

The garbage was successfully taken out to the curb and I lived.

I am alive.

alone and alone

I just realized that I only write depressing things on my blog. I wondered why that is...all could come up with is that maybe I assume that I really should keep those thoughts to myself, so I don't share them with my friends...or maybe they wouldn't want to be my friend. Hmmm...

My husband is travelling and I've been alone for a week and a day now. It was ok at first, but I've just hit the super lonely phase. I guess a week was my max. I can keep pretty busy for a week, but then my alone-ness sets in. Today was hard because I've been struggling with...something (sorry, still private)... and really need a friend to reassure me. I know what I need to do, and I know it's in line with what God wants for me, but there are so many other things that are so tempting. Anyway, today I needed reassurance. Since this is still sort of private, and the few people who know what's going on aren't all in agreement or unbiased, the only person who really could have helped was my husband...sort of. (Or maybe God? Maybe I should try talking to Him more... that's probably the more accurate answer, actually.) Steve and I have gotten to a point of his trip where our phone conversations are no longer really very connecting...we talk but it's sort of a pain. He's busy in his east coast world, and I'm busy in my west coast world. I'm desperate for a hug and reassurance, but he's busy w/ work, studying, rental cars, and hotels. So, I'm home alone, and emotionally alone. I need a hug and reassurance and there is no one. Except my dog. She's good for a hug (and a kiss...but that's actually not wanted). Tomorrow is my anniversary. Alone. Only 1 week and 2 days until I see him.

Sorry I'm so depressing. I don't think I'm really so depressed in general, I just save it all up to vomit onto the internet.

New Month, New Day

For some reason, May is always a hard month for me. I think it started in my junior year in high school, when May gave me two car accidents, a speeding ticket, a cop who pulled me over to meet his holiday weekend quote (seriously, he told me that), and my first detention ever, which was given to make me an example for the other AP students. I was just praying for May to end. This May has also been hard. Not quite THAT bad, but just hard. Work has been hard. Home life is hard: husband is preparing to be gone for several different trips for 5 weeks straight - leaving tomorrow. May was filled with a lot of anxiety and general too-busyness. My Bible study for the year ended in May. I was glad for the break, but also so sad to have it end. I was loving my study of Genesis - Jacob and Joseph became my friends. I'm nervous about staying the Word this summer, which is absolutely needed, but hard and not my natural, fallen desire. On top of it all, I really don't like my current body with its extra padding, and I'm really nervous about getting ready (shopping!) for husband's graduation activities and following vacation. I have no summer clothes that fit. No shorts. When I've been over-weight in the past, I always feel like I look better in fall/winter clothes - I can hide in them, but not in summer clothes.

But it's June now. May is over. It's time for a plan. Stop the whining! I don't have solutions for all of it, by any means, but worrying about it isn't going to help.

First, I've signed up for a new weight-loss program online. I'm changing my eating and working out 5 days a week. I've been jogging regularly, but haven't been back in the gym for strength training since before my India trip. The new program gives me a detailed workout to do each day, so I just take it to the gym and do what it tells me. I did it the other day and am so sore now. I can't remember the last time that I did a workout on my own (no trainer) and ended up sore! Not that being sore is good, but I am pretty impressed that I managed to do an hour long work out that made my body WORK!

Husband and I are going shopping tonight, and I've got a couple other times noted in the next few weeks that will be perfect for shopping. I hope I'll find a few things that will work. It is what it is, so I just need to find some clothes that fit and I'm comfortable in.

I actually got out my Bible yesterday and started reading Colossians. I think I'm actually nervous to read it after my Bible study. As if there was a way to fail at reading the bible. I'm so weird. I know God has something He would like to teach me this summer, so I just need to do what I can to learn it.

Ok, I have to go now to go to the gym, then go for a jog (hopefully with a rollerblading husband w/ me), then choir practice at church (special dedication service tomorrow afternoon, so there is a special choir for that), then an afternoon/evening of shopping. Fun! An, as a special gift from God, it is beautifully sunny today. Because It is all going to be ok, and my Father knows exactly what I need and when and He will provide it.

Shopping Drama

My husband is graduating from his masters program next month, and there will be some spouse events, dinners, etc. to go to. They will not be postponed due to my weight-gain self-consciousness. I am very nervous about finding cute clothes to wear to these events...probably a nice dress or something. I'm petite and finding well-fitting clothes is just really difficult.

I figured that I would probably end up at Casual Corner / Petite Sophisticate - my very favoritest shop. Their clothes fit me perfectly and their service is impeccable. Whenever I need a suit or dress or something, I am guaranteed that I can go there and find something that looks and fits great.

Today I stopped by the mall to take a look and see what was new. I came out of the Bon, I mean Macy's, looked to the right to see what was in the window of my favorite shop. Instead, I was welcomed with black. Solid black windows. My heart started beating loudly, I stopped dead in my tracks, and gasped. "Oh no." Oh...oh, no. My store is closed. I checked at the information counter just in case. I was sort of hoping that my store just moved, but no, it closed. Closed. Oh no.

I really don't know where I will ever, ever buy clothes that look good on me again. I don't think stores should just be allowed to close like that. Besides, I think I've personally given them enough money over the years to stay open just for me.

Trials and Success

Part one: A continuation of my recent debate (how to know when a trial is a trial?)...

After talking with several Christian friends, getting counsel from my pastor, and confirmation from my Bible study, I think I have a bit of an answer... sort of. It seems that a great place to start is to determine if you are really in absolute obedience everywhere else in your life. The "trial" might just be God's way of trying to get your attention, with a big arrow pointing at that other thing. Of course, if you truly are in obedience everywhere else, then the "trial" may probably be a real trial, which you need to endure with absolute faith. I have to say that my pastor was great here. Looking at other areas of obedience/disobedience can be difficult when you are in the middle of it, you may not be objective enough. He was really able to see the forest through the trees, while I am busy climbing trees. I'm not sure what that metaphor means, but I like it.


Part two: Social experiments in the rain...

I went jogging today and it was fantastic. A personal best. I jogged for one hour straight, about 4.5 miles. Granted, a 13 minute mile is not very fast at all, but I'm going for endurance here. An hour is the longest I've ever gone at one stretch - no walking at all. This is hobby is putting me at risk of great pride - I think I'm just about the coolest jogger in the world right now. AN HOUR!!! I'm pretty sure I can do anything right now. Roar!

My husband (who wishes to remain nameless, funny guy...although I've remained nameless, so I suppose I don't blame him) came rollerblading with me and at about 40 minutes into it, he went back to the car and was going to drive back to pick me up further down the path. We were jogging on the Cedar River trail and were well past the Maple Valley golf course, so it gets pretty...empty along the road. About 10 minutes into my solitude, it started sprinkling, and then more sprinkling. I loved it. I don't think I've ever jogged in the rain before. It was a beautiful spring sprinkle. And then it got heavier and heavier. I didn't really have much choice, so I just decided to find the humor in it and I thought it was pretty funny. Thankfully, I had a hat on, so I really wasn't getting that wet. When I was just coming up to my hour mark, there was an intersection ahead that I was supposed to wait at (very convenient location too... we didn't know that it would line up so well with my time). I was getting extremely wet at this point....it was RAINING. God is so good - Steve told me to wait at the next intersection, which happened to be this one, which happened to be at the hour mark, and just happened to have a big tree just inside the turn. Shelter! It actually was a big driveway to a trailer park. It wasn't too ghetto or anything. So, I waited in the rain under the big tree at the trailer park. As I waited, I noticed that there were lots of nice cars coming in and out - for some reason these trailer park people had nice cars. Lots of minivans and other family cars. I realized this was a great social experiment. What would you do if you were driving by a young woman who is alone, wearing jogging clothes, on a jogging trail, in the pouring rain, and hiding under a big tree? There are no parking lots nearby. We are sort of in the middle of no where. I was a little surprised that not one person stopped to ask if I was ok, needed help, needed a ride, or even just needed to use their cell phone. Not one. I thought that was pretty sad. We've let our fear of strangers get in the way of social decency, I think. I very easily could have really been stranded, since it was sunny when I left. I wonder if I would have stopped and asked.

And then I gave the dog a bath by myself. See, I can do anything!

Which way to run?

It seems that I always have some current debate going on in my head. It's a bit exhausting, but true.

My current debate is one of trials. How do you know when a difficult situation is a trial from God or just circumstance?

Hypothetically...

If enduring a difficult situation is a trial that God has entrusted me with to shape me, then I want to be faithful to persevere in faith. However, if it's really God telling me to change the situation, then I want to be obedient and just leave. "Being faithful and obedient" looks entirely different depending on which of those it is.

I figure that there are four options:
1) It's a trial and I should persevere
2) God's giving me a kick in the pants and I should get out of the difficult situation
3) God doesn't care (not that He doesn't CARE, just that it could go either way and He'd be fine), so if it's terrible then I should just change the situation
4) It's punishment/discipline for some sin I've committed

I REALLY want to be faithful and obedient, but I can't figure out if I'm supposed to embrace the trial, or run a way quickly. I've just been thinking about Jacob working for Laban in Genesis. First Jacob had to work for Laban to endure a character-shaping trial that God had given to him, and he endured it faithfully. Later, he decided that Laban's attitude had changed and it was time for him to go. How do you know when you are supposed to stay and when you are supposed to go?

God gives us trials, entrusts us with them, to teach us and shape our character. That's how we become more like Him. In that sense, if I know a situation is a trial, then I really do want to fully embrace it and be thankful for the opportunity and to learn whatever He has in store for me.

However, it's also true that not all bad situations are Godly trials. Sometimes it is correct to leave a situation of suffering, right? I mean...that was Jacob with Laban. Eventually it was time for him to go. How did he know which was which?

Maybe I just have to be in closer relationship with God for him to tell me, and me to discern His voice. I don't know... I'm a bit stuck on this question at the moment.

A bit syrupy sweet - I warned you!

My husband loves me so much. That sounds trite, but it's true. I have been blown away in the last year to find out again and again how much he really loves me.

We officially fell in love when I was 17 and he was 19. Actually, we first said those eagerly-anticipated words at my 18th birthday party. One of the risks with marrying young is that it can be easy to let some things stay immature, rather than forcing all parts of yourself and your relationship to grow up. I think that somewhere along the way, Steve's loved matured and grew up, but I didn't really recognize it. Actually, it's a bit of a coincidence to be learning this NOW. This month is the 10 year anniversary of when we met. I have pictures of us on the day we met. We've changed a lot (when did that happen??) since then. I suppose our love has too.

Steve has noticed my weight-induced despair and is being so wonderful. He always is, but this time it's a little different. In the past, he would give me a "look" if I started eating something I shouldn't or ask if I was REALLY sure I wanted to be eating that. He was supportive in ways that I knew were well-intentioned, but not always the most helpful, and sometimes hurtful. Afterall, sometimes these methods of encouragement would be followed that night with pressure to have Red Robin for dinner.

For some reason, it's different now. We have made a new commitment to eat dinner at home most nights. Mostly this was for budgetary reasons, although Steve noted that this should help as well. So far, he's been super great about following the menu plan, and keeping me on it too. No Red Robin pressure on an at-home night. None. I claim that one as LOVE.

Last night, sometime between 9:30-10:00 when we should have been thinking about bedtime, Steve thought we should go for a walk. I was surprised - it was so late! Rather than just reminding me that I'm failing at going to the gym, he invited me to walk with him. It was a great, long walk. I loved it!

New love loved me in spite of my weaknesses. Mature love loves me in my weakness, and tries to add strength where I am weak.



Hey you (I know you read this!) - I LOVE YOU!!!

Unreflective reflections

I've been feeling a lot of pressure regarding my blog. Sometimes I don't write because I feel like I need to have some super brilliant reflection about my life and circumstances. I've got...nothing. Then I feel guilty. I feel like I SHOULD spend more time reflecting and thinking about what my actions and inactions mean, but I'm too darn busy being busy. It's a vicious cycle, with no time to reflect on it to end it. The guilt has been building, so today I decided to break the ice and just post something - brilliancy not required.

Part of the reason I've been avoiding my self-reflection is that I don't like my reflection right now in the mirror. I'm avoiding clothes shopping right now too. I feel fat. I'm on the verge (or maybe I passed the verge a few weeks ago?) of needing new clothes. I'm too big for mine. I don't think I look good in most anything I've got. But I refuse to deal with this and admit that I'm a chub, at least compared to where I was. So, oh so logically, I'm feeling fat wearing too-tight clothes. I'm just praying that I will close my eyes for a night, and wake up 10 pounds thinner and I will fit nice in my clothes again. Ugh...I really don't want new, bigger clothes. I'm basically choosing to be a big baby about this issue. Really. My parents just bought a new, bigger boat with much more sun-bathing area than their old boat. That should be exciting and wonderful. The thought of me in my bathing suit (or bikini - yeah right) makes me want to crawl into a hole. With cheesecake.

Speaking of being a big baby, I want a baby. Babies. This has not changed. I think I would pay someone to let me babysit their kids right now just so I can play with babies. I just found out that a friend of mine is pregnant. It's a bit of an accident, but they are super excited. I'm really excited for her...and jealous. I hate being jealous. I shouldn't be. God has put me in my place and circumstance and I shouldn't want anything other than His plan for me. I don't think Hormona respects that.

Ok. That's all the reflecting I have time for. I'm tired (ala busy being busy). I really don't like how busy I am. I want to clean and organize and decorate and plan a menu and buy a watch and take my dry cleaning in and sew curtains.

I need to think of some mantra that will remind me that I should be happy and cheerful. I think it's in Philippians 4 somewhere...

Goodnight. =) Think thin. (that's really not the mantra I should be looking for)