Monday, September 04, 2006

New Day

Well, it is here. Today begins a new phase in my life. A new job, and acceptance of a job I haven't been doing well. This has been a long time coming.

I remember crying to my husband, waiting in the ferry line, about 13 months ago. I was dreading going back to work; work was overwhelming to me, especially when also trying to do anything at home. The home stuff always lost. I had realized recently that our marriage (and my assumption was that it was true of most marriages, although highly controversial) would theoretically work better if I were a home-maker. This was all in theory - I wasn't asking to quit. I saw it as a wife's gift to her husband. She (meaning I) would manage our home, feed the family nutritious meals, manage the budget... which would mean that in their time together she would not be in an overwhelmed coma, would not be choosing between cleaning and fun, would not be eating out. The home-time could be filled with relationship building chosen activities. It sounded peaceful to me. That would be the wife's gift to the husband - making it so that when they were together, they could actually do things together and be happy. It was my vision.

Back to my car in the ferry line... Unfortunately, husband had never heard of a stay-at-home wife, without kids. He knows lots of stay-at-home moms, but none without kids. He had never heard of it. He thought it was weird and that others would think it was weird. He didn't understand my vision (before explanation of the vision). I was crushed that he didn't immediately value what I valued. To me, it's not about being home to raise kids. It's about being home to manage the home, and care for all that goes through it's doors. Even once we have kids, I would want to take care of the kids and home-things during the day for HIM so that when he gets home from work, we can enjoy each other as a family and do family-things, rather than chores and errands. To me, it's a needed and valued arrangement with and without kids. I cried because of his rejection, not because of the pending Monday.

That was 13 very long months ago. God has been gracious and loving this year, as always, of course. He's given me clarity. He's brought husband a long way and given him and open mind... and He's been so gracious and gentle in this journey.

After a journey of learning last year, I learned that I have not been in obedience to God's plan for me. God has given me a job to do: to manage my home and be a support to my husband. Of course, this doesn't mean I can't work elsewhere, but this must be secondary. While I've been very successful at work, I've been completely failing at the two things God HAS given me to do. Thankfully, He brought husband to a place this year where he could see this and appreciate it. Husband has been wonderful. We agreed we needed to change something. Since there aren't kids at home, I really don't need to be home full-time, just at home more. We decided I needed to change to a part-time job, even if it meant losing my job in the meantime.

While God doesn't promise material blessing, and we certainly not counting on it, we WERE overwhelmed with God's blessings upon us. Abundance.

Starting today, I have a new job. FIRST, my job is to manage my home and support my husband. SECONDLY, I work part-time (30 hrs a week) from home (go to the cubicles about 1 day a week), doing analysis/marketing strategy for the non-profit I've been working for. Even better, I start my new job with a holiday where I'll be with my husband all day. Fitting. =)

Today I am going to go jogging, buy groceries to start making lunches at home, and then we are going for a hike, then eating dinner at home.

So, today - more than any other day so far, my blog name is really appropriate. Today is a new day. It will be hard; I've seen that and anticipating more of it. It's a lot of change. I'm changing to something I want and know is right, but something I really don't know how to do. I have to learn to make dinner now?!?! Every night. Eek! BUT... I know that God will carry me through this because it is HIS plan, not mine.

This is the day that the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118: 24

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