Monday, June 12, 2006

alone and alone

I just realized that I only write depressing things on my blog. I wondered why that is...all could come up with is that maybe I assume that I really should keep those thoughts to myself, so I don't share them with my friends...or maybe they wouldn't want to be my friend. Hmmm...

My husband is travelling and I've been alone for a week and a day now. It was ok at first, but I've just hit the super lonely phase. I guess a week was my max. I can keep pretty busy for a week, but then my alone-ness sets in. Today was hard because I've been struggling with...something (sorry, still private)... and really need a friend to reassure me. I know what I need to do, and I know it's in line with what God wants for me, but there are so many other things that are so tempting. Anyway, today I needed reassurance. Since this is still sort of private, and the few people who know what's going on aren't all in agreement or unbiased, the only person who really could have helped was my husband...sort of. (Or maybe God? Maybe I should try talking to Him more... that's probably the more accurate answer, actually.) Steve and I have gotten to a point of his trip where our phone conversations are no longer really very connecting...we talk but it's sort of a pain. He's busy in his east coast world, and I'm busy in my west coast world. I'm desperate for a hug and reassurance, but he's busy w/ work, studying, rental cars, and hotels. So, I'm home alone, and emotionally alone. I need a hug and reassurance and there is no one. Except my dog. She's good for a hug (and a kiss...but that's actually not wanted). Tomorrow is my anniversary. Alone. Only 1 week and 2 days until I see him.

Sorry I'm so depressing. I don't think I'm really so depressed in general, I just save it all up to vomit onto the internet.

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