Saturday, August 19, 2006


I've been starving.

My husband is my best friend, and a friend who, like most men, does not have a great need for a multitude of relationships. I love him and I love spending time with him. I get so wrapped up in my husband, our projects, our house, our dog, that I forget how hungry I am for relationship. It isn't until I have a day with a girl friend, or evening with another couple, that my appetite is satiated and I realize how hungry I really was.

Tonight we went to a BBQ with other "young couples" from our church. I had SO much fun! There were a few people I hadn't known at all, and some I've only met a couple times. We had a great time of food, discussion, and husband vs. wives pictionary. Very, very fun, and very filling. You could tell that all the people were starving for conversation. We all longed for relationship so much, that without any planning, we ate dinner at two tables - the men all at one and women at another.

Of course, of all the "young couple," we were the youngest and the only without children. Sigh. I can't wait until that doesn't define our uniqueness. Usually when women find out that I've been married for seven years, AND we don't have children, they just pause, give me a confused expression, and then don't know what to say. I don't blame them. They are probably confused about if they should ask why... is it a medical problem? Do we hate children? Is there a reason? And then they decide it's too personal and they shouldn't ask...but they can't help but wonder.

I've been telling people at work that I'm going to be changing jobs and working at home soon. There are two common questions: 1) Am I pregnant (no), and 2) Do I think I will miss the social aspects of work?

My current life exists within a hampster wheel: Hubs and I work diligently (very focused always, sometimes extra hours), when we are home we are exhausted, we become very insulated and self/home focused and have no time for other people or relationships as we try to self-protect (and marriage-protect) ourselves. So, I have some social contacts at work, but none outside of work because I'm too tired. Weekends are preserved for self-restoration. Self, self, self. Not much relationship there.

People are concerned that I will miss the socialization of work after I start working from home. But... I think we've got it all backwards. I want to work diligently, get my work done, then have time/energy to be social in the evenings. I want to be confident enough in my cooking and cleaning ability to have friends over for dinner frequently. I want to get chores done during the week, so that we can easily make plans with other people on a Saturday, rather than retreating to our insulated cocoon.

Why should I rely on socialization and work, but neglect it in the rest of my life? Shouldn't it be the other way around? It's even more odd when you consider that you don't choose your co-workers, but do choose your friends. So, in the current pattern, I'm building relationship with people that I may not choose otherwise. They are convenient relationships. Yet, in effect, I'm choosing the convenient relationships only at the neglect of my non-work friends. (For my work friends who may be reading this... I do choose you, and love you dearly! I want you to be a non-work friend too!)

There was one couple in particular, the one who hosted the BBQ, that I really enjoyed and would love to get to know further. Maybe one evening, when we have food, clean house, and energy, we will have them over for dinner. Thankfully, maybe "some day" won't be so far away.

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