The biggest joke of all

When I first started working out and losing weight about 6 years ago, I could not rollerblade for even 30 minutes at a time. I couldn't breathe and would have to stop multiple times. My husband and I would rollerblade at Alki beach in Seattle. We'd start in the parking area that faces the city skyline, go down to the statue of liberty, and come back. For those of you not in the area, this is all paved and flat terrain. My husband was so patient with my horrible out-of-shapeness. All this to say, I've come a long way. I can easily rollerblade that now, and have been able to for some time. It's easy - I don't even think twice about it.

However, I've never been a runner. I never have been. I tend to breathe too shallow (a new learning) and it hurts. I tend to bounce too much and I really dislike that. I just can't go very long or very far without being more exerted than I think I should be. I think it's a bit humiliating. I'm too self-conscious too. I don't think it's every very flattering when I see an overweight person jogging and I really don't want to be that woman. I'm always proud of them for doing something good for themselves, but I still feel bad for them. I think I'd enjoy jogging more if I felt like that svelte hottie jogging effortlessly.

I realized recently that the part of me that keeps all of these reasons for why I can't/don't like to jog, is the same part of me that couldn't rollerblade down Alki beach and back, but that's not who I am anymore. I probably don't look as stupid when I jog and don't even realize it. It's probably more likely that no one is even looking, or caring how I look when I jog.

So, with complete terror and anxiety, I have committed to run in a race. It's a marathon relay. I need to run 5 or 6 miles or something and I have until July 9th to get ready. I know that's not a lot, not like a marathon or anything. BUT...on my first day of post-decision jogging, I could only jog for 6 minutes at a time. I can work out on the elliptical for a half hour, no problem, but jogging is a whole other beast. I'm now "training" for the race, which cracks me up. I'm training for a race that I'm going to run in. Ha ha ha. I think that's so funny. Who is this person?

I bought an MP3 player. I had a little radio that I usually use at the gym, but quickly learned that I could not jog through commercial breaks or slow songs. Now I'm on an search for good, fast jogging songs. Feel free to pass on any recommendations!

So, I'm a non-runner who is running in a race. I'm hoping to make it to race day before they all realize that it's a big joke. Or maybe I've been joking myself all along.