Sunday, March 05, 2006

Diagnosis: Insane

If the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, then I am insane.

I'm so frustrated. Today is Sunday - weigh in day. I actually gained a half pound over last week. UGHGHGHG!!!!!!! I'm so mad. I feel like I did a great job this week. There was one night that I had a splurgy dinner, but other than that, ate great all week. I worked out several times. What's wrong with my crazy body!?

Ok, that's what it feels like. This rant is what's going on in my head, but it's also the reason I'm insane. It isn't reality.

After wondering for a couple years now, and especially the last couple months, why I was having such "great" weeks, and yet not seeing any progress on the scale, I wondered how "great" I'm really doing. (If you hate overly-anal, extremely organized people, stop reading here.) I created a little color-coded scorecard for myself to track my weight-loss progress. I wanted a grade. Everyday, I get a green (plus) or pink (minus) for the following things:
  • Sleeping at least 7 hrs the night before
  • Being active that day (workout at the gym, hike, walk the dog, etc.)
  • Eating the right number of calories (+/- 100 of my goal)
  • My weight

If my weight that day was the same or lower than the day before, I get a green, if it's higher, than I get a pink. My real weight only counts once a week, but I figure that if it's going up all week, there's not a possible way for it to drop a bunch on Sunday. Anyway, I'm calculating the percentage of plus/green boxes in a week to tell me how successful I've been.

While I've had many "great" weeks lately, amazingly, the best grade I've gotten since the new year was a 71%...several weeks ago. This week, I got a 68%. That's a D. HELLO!?! Why on earth do I think I'm doing so great when I'm REALLY only being great 68% of the time?? That's crazy. My idea of "great" is obviously a bit messed up, and it obviously isn't producing the results I want.

Earlier today I was really mad at myself for gaining. Then I was mad at the scale...or whatever cosmic force is keeping me losing weight (notice the total lack of personal responsibility). Then I had to admit that I'm so stupid for even expecting a loss. I only made the right choices 68% of the time this week. Duh! So, then I was mad for being so backwards.

My goal is to get over 80%. If I get 5 pinks (2 inactive days, weight gain today, and not enough sleep Friday night), then that's 82%. I don't think I should expect great results unless I'm consistently getting a B.

Sheesh!

3 comments:

SG said...

Noel,

Your scorecard rocks! You should send it D.M...she'd love it. Do you get a reward (other than self-satisfaction) when you get x many greens in a time period?

Now a general comment: great blog! I don't want to get too political here, but: Down with Saturn-driving losers who don't appreciate self-expression! Go Sullie, go!

kel said...

SG,

Thanks. ;-) As far as other rewards go... I've given up ice cream until I get to 135 (massive thing for me - I used to have ice cream, low fat - of course, every single day.) The chocolate chip mint in my freezer mocks me.

Also, I have a gift card for a massage or other treatment at InSpa. I'm saving it for when I feel...sexier. I don't know if I'll want to use it at 135, or wait all the way to 130 (I'm really trying to get down to more like...127ish, but I don't want my gc to expire or something). I feel too fluffy to let some stranger rub me down. =)

Those are the only big rewards in sight. I think progress will be the ultimate reward.

-k.

Anonymous said...

This scorecard is so inspiring. I am deeply touched when people fight against all odds to try to accomplish their goals. It reminds me of a friend of mine. Let's call her 'Ethel'.

Ethel decided she was going to try her hand at bowling. Now poor old Ethel isn't what I'd call athletic, and watching her bowl was something like watching a monkey trying to ride a bicycle. Not a pretty sight.

When Ethel wasn't tripping over her own feet, she was flinging the ball wildly hither and yon. You didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

But poor old Ethel just kept on trying, and you know what? I found myself rooting for Ethel. Every time she'd manage to knock down some pins, I'd almost jump for joy. When she missed the lane entirely, I shared in Ethel's agony. And no matter what happens, I just hope Ethel keeps it up. And I hope you keep it up too, Noel.

After all, we all have a little Ethel in us, don't we?