Friday, March 03, 2006

Hercules, I am not.

When I realize that I can do something that I never thought "I" would do, I feel really strong. It's like I've been stuck in a box and I've just broken the walls down with my fists. It makes me feel amazing...I can accomplish ANYTHING! I rock!

I've had a bunch of stuff going on lately that is hard. Mentally exhausting. It peaked today... too much uncertainty and a lot of potential change. There's not even anything actually hard that is making me tired...just a lot of unknown, potentially hard things, all hitting me at once. All of a sudden today, I felt absolutely weak and it really surprised me. I sort of want to just curl up in a ball and sleep, except that I know that when I wake up, all of this same stuff is going to come flying at me.

Looking for something, however small, that I could control, I managed to hit the gym after work to continue my training (ha ha - that still makes me laugh that I'm "training"). As I got ready, I wondered why I can go from feeling so strong to so weak, so quickly. I don't like that about myself. I should be strong or weak, but not...both. Pick one! Where does this come from? As I realized the answer, I was flooded with a wave of guilt for forgetting it to begin with.

My strength is to come from the Lord. God will not give me anything more than I can bear. I am His, and I am here for His purpose, and His plan will be accomplished. I am called to be faithful and He will supply my needs. My strength can't come from my ability to impress myself; at some point, it isn't enough and then I will feel like I did earlier today.

So, right now, I'm exhausted and tired. There are a lot uncertainty and changes. I'm behind with lots and lots of things and have a ton to do. I feel buried.

I'm so weak, but He is so strong. Even when I don't remember it, it is always true.

Thank God!

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